Rating:
额定值：

Teen And Up Audiences
青少年及以上受众

Archive Warning:
存档警告：

No Archive Warnings Apply
没有存档警告

Category:
类别：

M/M

Fandoms:
同人圈：

Star Wars - All Media TypesStar Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)Star Wars Prequel TrilogyStar Wars Original Trilogy
星球大战 - 所有媒体类型星球大战：绝地：陨落的武士团（电子游戏）星球大战前传三部曲星球大战原创三部曲

Relationships:
关系：

Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin SkywalkerObi-Wan Kenobi/Cal KestisObi-Wan Kenobi & Cal KestisCal Kestis & Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader
欧比旺·克诺比/阿纳金·天行者欧比旺·克诺比/卡尔·凯斯蒂斯欧比旺·克诺比和卡尔·凯斯蒂斯卡尔·凯斯蒂斯和阿纳金·天行者 |达斯·维达

Characters:
字符：

Obi-Wan KenobiCal KestisAnakin Skywalker | Darth VaderMerrin (Star Wars)Cere JundaQui-Gon JinnOwen LarsBeru WhitesunLuke Skywalker
欧比旺·克诺比卡尔·凯斯蒂斯阿纳金·天行者 |达斯·维德梅林（星球大战）塞雷·琼达奎贡·金欧文·拉斯贝鲁·怀特森卢克·天行者

Additional Tags:
其他标签：

Heavy AngstHurt/ComfortPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSDPsychological TraumaFriendship/LoveFeelsMaster & Padawan Relationship(s)Platonic Relationships
重度焦虑伤害/安慰创伤后应激障碍 - 创伤后应激障碍心理学创伤友谊/爱感觉大师与学徒关系柏拉图式关系

Language:
语言：

English
英语

Series:
系列：

Part 1 of Kybersong Next Work →
Kybersong Next Work → 的第 1 部分

Stats:
统计：

Published:2020-01-28Completed:2020-05-23Words:48,189Chapters:18/18Comments:216Kudos:628Bookmarks:131Hits:17,855
发布时间：2020-01-28完成时间：2020-05-23字数：48,189章：18/18评论：216好评：628书签：131点击数：17,855

F. Schubert/F. Liszt - Serenade in D minor
F. 舒伯特/F. 李斯特 - D 小调小夜曲

ArchieHabian
阿奇哈比安

Summary:
总结：

In his exile on Tatooine Obi-Wan isn't keen on the idea of having guests, but something about Cal Kestis makes him change his mind.
在流放塔图因期间，欧比旺并不热衷于邀请客人的想法，但 Cal Kestis 的一些事情让他改变了主意。

Notes:
笔记：

I mean, if Cal could sense force-echoes from Trilla's lightsaber, there's no way he could have supressed the echoes from Vader's armor, had he touched it. So I elaborated on this idea and went on with it, 'cuz Cal and Obi-Wan both deserved better!
我的意思是，如果卡尔能从特里拉的光剑中感应到原力回波，那么如果他触碰了维达的盔甲，他就不可能压制住它。所以我详细阐述了这个想法并继续进行，因为 Cal 和 Obi-Wan 都应该得到更好的！

Chapter 1: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 1 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Chapter Text
章节正文

Mustafar was a scorchingly hot planet. Has always been, and yet, despite the rivers of lava flowing across the planet’s surface Obi-Wan felt cold. With each strike he blocked, with each word Anakin screamed at him in his soul-consuming rage, with each passing moment he felt colder still. He didn’t know how it came to this; he had no idea why he agreed to- ...no. He didn’t agree to this; killing his Padawan was not a possibility he could ever consider, even after watching the security recordings where... where Anakin did the unthinkable, slaying younglings, the horrendous, unforgivable act, and yet Obi-Wan still wanted — still hoped — to talk him down, show him that there was still way back to the light.
穆斯塔法是一颗炙热的星球。一直以来都是，然而，尽管熔岩河流过地球表面，欧比旺还是感到寒冷。他挡住了每一次攻击，阿纳金在吞噬灵魂的愤怒中对他尖叫的每一个字，每过一刻，他都感到更加寒冷。他不知道这是怎么回事;他不知道自己为什么同意——......不。他不同意这一点;杀死他的学徒不是他可以考虑的可能性，即使在看了安全录像之后......阿纳金在那里做了不可思议的事情，杀死了年轻人，做出了可怕的、不可原谅的行为，但欧比旺仍然想——仍然希望——说服他，告诉他还有回到光明的路。

“The Jedi are evil” — how could this thought had ever crossed anybody’s mind? How could have Anakin believed that the Order was corrupted, more so - to the point of plotting against the parliament, the Republic, for Force’s sake, the very thing they’ve all sworn to protect?!
“绝地武士是邪恶的”——这个想法怎么会从任何人的脑海中闪过呢？阿纳金怎么会相信教团已经腐败了——以至于为了原力而密谋反对议会、共和国，而这正是他们都发誓要保护的东西？！

But Anakin did not listen, completely lost to Palpatine’s sickening, twisted lies; they were all he was willing to believe and cared not for what Obi-Wan had to say. Yoda warned him that this would happen. That there was no Anakin anymore — that he was consumed by the Dark Side, with no turning back, and yet... Obi-Wan didn’t want to believe it. Couldn’t. There was simply no way someone like Anakin, someone who used to believe that people in the galaxy had to help each other turned to dark so quick and so completely.
但阿纳金没有听，完全沉浸在帕尔帕廷令人作呕的扭曲谎言中;他们是他愿意相信的一切，不在乎欧比旺要说什么。尤达警告他，这种情况会发生。阿纳金已经不复存在——他被黑暗面吞噬了，没有回头路，然而......欧比旺不愿意相信。不能。像阿纳金这样的人，一个曾经相信银河系中的人们必须互相帮助的人，根本不可能如此迅速、如此彻底地走向黑暗。

"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you.”
“我辜负了你，阿纳金。我辜负了你。

Failed to teach him to think, to see through the lies of others, to keep the light in his soul from fading.
没能教他思考，没能看穿别人的谎言，没能让他灵魂中的光芒不至于黯淡。

There was no end to their duel; Anakin was strong, has always been, his anger only fueling his strength, but it was Obi-Wan who taught him to fight, which made almost his every move predictable. Even so, Anakin wasn’t the one to ever give up. Obi-wan knew that, and yet, as he stared down at his apprentice on a platform towering over the lava, he pleaded with him to do so. Not to try making that jump, because...
他们的决斗没有尽头;阿纳金一直很强大，他的愤怒只会助长他的力量，但正是欧比旺教会了他战斗，这几乎使他的一举一动都是可以预测的。即便如此，阿纳金并不是那个永远不会放弃的人。欧比旺知道这一点，然而，当他低头凝视着高耸在熔岩之上的平台上的学徒时，他恳求他这样做。不要尝试进行那次跳跃，因为......

He watched in mute horror as Anakin leaped up from the platform, as his own hand jerked up, blinding bright blue of his lightsaber right before his eyes and then a scream, a thud of cut limbs falling to the ground, rolling down. He half-remembered picking up Anakin’s lightsaber before yelling his love out on what remained of the man who was once his — his Padawan, his brother, his deepest attachment, his home — everything. His heart froze and shattered into thousands pieces, as Anakin’s clothes caught fire and ignited, as he screamed in pain, in hate, eyes burning with the same yellow colour as the flames. It would have been merciful to strike him down, to bring him death and yet, Obi-Wan could not. A better Jedi would have. A better man would have, but all he could do was turn away, teardrops colder still on his cheekbones, vision — a blur.
他无声地惊恐地看着阿纳金从平台上跳起来，他自己的手猛地抬起，他的光剑在他眼前耀眼的亮蓝色刺眼，然后是一声尖叫，一声被割伤的肢体砰的一声落在地上，滚落下来。他半记得自己捡起了阿纳金的光剑，然后对着那个曾经属于他的男人——他的爸爸、他的兄弟、他最深的依恋、他的家——一切——大喊大叫。当阿纳金的衣服着火并被点燃时，他的心冻结并碎成成千上万块，他痛苦地尖叫着，在仇恨中尖叫，眼睛燃烧着与火焰一样的黄色。打倒他，让他死去是仁慈的，然而，欧比旺却做不到。一个更好的绝地武士会。一个更好的人会这样，但他所能做的就是转身离开，泪珠在他的颧骨上更加冰冷，视力——模糊不清。

He didn’t remember how he got back to the ship; there were just flashes of images, faded, almost black and white. Padme, asking him, if Anakin was alright, before slipping back into unconsciousness, Bail Organa and Master Yoda meeting him on the landing platform of Polis Massa. A med droid telling him, that despite their best efforts Padme decided to just give up living. Oh, how he wanted to do the same. But he could not, his life was not his own; it belonged to the Order, even if it crumbled right before his eyes. So, he followed Yoda’s words, took the boy to Tatooine, to his family. He knew that Anakin — Darth Vader — won’t be looking for anybody there. A hoarse, pained laugh escaped his throat as he plotted a course to the far-away planet: Anakin hated the damn place.
他不记得自己是怎么回到船上的;只有一闪而过的图像，褪色，几乎是黑白的。帕德梅问他，阿纳金还好吗，然后又陷入了昏迷，保尔·奥加纳和尤达大师在 Polis Massa 的着陆平台上遇到了他。一个医疗机器人告诉他，尽管他们尽了最大的努力，但 Padme 还是决定放弃生活。哦，他多么想做同样的事情。但他不能，他的生命不是他自己的;它属于教团，即使它在他眼前崩塌。所以，他听从尤达的话，带着男孩去了塔图因，去找他的家人。他知道阿纳金——达斯·维达——不会在那里找任何人。一声嘶哑、痛苦的笑声从他的喉咙里传出，他正在规划通往遥远星球的路线：阿纳金讨厌这个该死的地方。

Five years on Tatooine were same blurry fog, coloured in all the colours of sepia. The rough planet wasn’t a welcoming place, not that he ever thought of it this way before. Worst of all, were its people and their attitudes combined his own desire to still be a Jedi, which he could not afford. He still found himself breaking up fights in cantinas and shops, mind-tricking slave-owners, Force, he even unraveled the whole plot with fake tusken raiders’ attacks and sent a woman with two kids to live a better life off Tatooine. It frustrated him to no end, how he couldn’t stay out of everything and mind his own kriffing business — if only he had any.
在塔图因的五年里，还是一样的模糊雾气，被棕褐色的所有颜色所着色。这颗粗糙的星球不是一个受欢迎的地方，他以前从来没有这样想过。最糟糕的是，那里的人们和他们的态度结合了他自己仍然想成为绝地武士的愿望，这是他无法承受的。他仍然发现自己在小酒馆和商店里打架，欺骗心灵的奴隶主，Force，他甚至用假的塔斯肯袭击者揭开了整个阴谋，并派了一个带着两个孩子的女人去塔图因过上更好的生活。这让他无比沮丧，他怎么不能置身事外，只管自己的 kriffing 生意——如果他有的话。

Lars family didn’t like him one bit. Didn’t allow him to visit. He still insisted on bringing them supplies now and then, watched Luke from afar, a clever, curious boy — a boy he who shined so brightly in the Force, a boy he should have been already training — he was growing in a miniature copy of his biological father, resembling Anakin in his affinity for all things mechanical, as well as piloting. The Force made those things easy for him. There was just less anger, less frustration; this boy was no slave, this boy knew more kindness from the world around him, than Anakin ever did.
Lars 家人一点也不喜欢他。不允许他来探望。他仍然坚持时不时地给他们带来补给，远远地看着卢克，一个聪明、好奇的男孩——一个在原力中闪耀的男孩，一个他应该已经在训练的男孩——他正在成长为他亲生父亲的微型复制品，与阿纳金一样，对所有机械事物的喜爱都很相似。 以及飞行员。原力让这些事情对他来说变得容易。只是愤怒少了，挫败感少了;这个男孩不是奴隶，这个男孩比阿纳金更了解他周围世界的善意。

Qui-Gon started talking to him during his second year on the desert planet and has become his only company ever since. It seemed to Obi-Wan that his master simply waited for his breaking point, because Qui-Gon waltzed inside when he was at his lowest, struggling to sleep because of nightmares that tortured him every time he closed his eyes, unable to stay awake because there is only so much time one can go without sleep, unable to see the point in being on this planet — why did it matter if he wasn’t allowed anywhere near the boy he was supposed to protect? A warm hand covered his own, as he held Anakin’s lightsaber over his heart. It would have been only fitting to — ignite it, feel it slice through his flesh and bones — to die from his Padawan’s weapon.
Qui-Gon 在他来到沙漠星球的第二年就开始与他交谈，从那时起就成为他唯一的陪伴。在欧比旺看来，他的主人只是在等待他的崩溃点，因为 Qui-Gon 在他最低谷的时候在里面跳华尔兹，每次闭上眼睛时都会因为噩梦而难以入睡，因为一个人可以不睡觉的时间只有这么多，无法看到在这个星球上的意义——如果不允许他靠近他应该保护的男孩？一只温暖的手捂住了自己的手，将阿纳金的光剑举在了自己的心上。这本来是再合适不过的了——点燃它，感觉它切开了他的肉和骨头——死在他 Padawan 的武器下。

“Your focus determines your reality,” Qui-Gon told him quietly, voice soft, serene. “It’s something you seem to have forgotten about, Obi-Wan.”
“你的专注决定了你的现实，”Qui-Gon轻声告诉他，声音轻柔而宁静。“你好像忘了这件事，欧比旺。”

It was all it took to talk him down. The moment of weakness was gone, but the nightmares were not. Days spent in meditation together with his Master didn’t seem as long or as wasted as others, as he tried to connect with the Force closer than ever before; letting it flow through him and let his spirit flow with it. It wasn’t an easy task. Letting go of his fears, his anxieties, his sorrows was torture, as he had to accept them first, re-live each and every one of them and that felt like tearing open old wounds. A long process, which took him three more years, before they finally, finally got to untangling the mess which used to come by the name of Anakin Skywalker.
这就是说服他所需要的一切。虚弱的时刻已经过去了，但噩梦并没有。与他的师父一起冥想的日子似乎并不像其他人那样漫长或浪费，因为他试图比以往任何时候都更紧密地与原力建立联系;让它流经他，让他的精神随之流淌。这不是一件容易的事。放下他的恐惧、他的焦虑、他的悲伤是一种折磨，因为他必须先接受它们，重新经历它们中的每一个，那感觉就像撕开旧的伤口。一个漫长的过程，他又花了三年时间，才终于解开了曾经以阿纳金·天行者的名字出现的烂摊子。

Obi-Wan caught himself on the thought that he had no idea what day or what month it was, in his search for serenity he lost track of time, of his surroundings completely — he still checked on Luke, though, through the Force, he could now feel him better than ever before. Luke was not the only being he could feel, there were his parents, there was a settlement nearby, an oasis which Obi-Wan knew too well to ever visit again, the tusken raiders in the desert, a herd of banthas and… something new, unfamiliar. He could sense a spaceship approaching, and on it… a latero, two humans and a zabrak.
欧比旺发现自己不知道今天是哪一天或哪个月，在寻找宁静的过程中，他完全忘记了时间，忘记了周围的环境——他仍然检查着卢克，尽管，通过原力，他现在比以往任何时候都更能感觉到他。卢克并不是他唯一能感觉到的存在，还有他的父母，附近有一个定居点，一个欧比旺再也不想去的绿洲，沙漠中的塔斯肯袭击者，一群班塔人，还有......一些新的、陌生的东西。他能感觉到一艘宇宙飞船正在接近，在上面......一个 latero，两个人类和一个 zabrak。

Three of them were force-users. The zabrak was soaked by the dark side of the Force, and yet the dark appeared somehow controlled, lacked the hatred Sith usually reeked of.
其中 3 人是原力使用者。扎布拉克被原力的黑暗面浸透了，但黑暗似乎以某种方式被控制，缺乏西斯通常散发的仇恨。

“A nightsister,” he recognized.
“一个夜姐，”他认出了。

One of the humans was stained by the dark and yet still fighting, light bleak, but not fading. A former Jedi, probably. He could only guess how many touched the Dark Side on the day Order 66 was executed.
其中一个人类被黑暗染红，但仍然在战斗，光明黯淡，但并没有消逝。可能是前绝地武士。他只能猜测在 66 号命令被执行的那天，有多少人触碰了黑暗面。

The third one… Obi-Wan couldn’t really tell. There was no Dark, the presence oddly familiar, and yet not at all — because it couldn’t be, he knew it couldn’t, the boy he trained was gone, gone, gone, gone — he couldn’t quite place the feeling.
第三个...欧比旺真的说不出来。没有黑暗，那个存在奇怪地熟悉，但又一点也不——因为它不可能，他知道它不可能，他训练的那个男孩已经走了，走了，走了，走了——他无法完全定位这种感觉。

His eyes now open, senses sharp, he stood up from his meditation spot, reached for his lightsaber and secured it on his belt. He didn’t anticipate a fight, but just in case the negotiations turn aggressive...
他的眼睛睁开了，感官敏锐，他从冥想的地方站起来，伸手拿起他的光剑，把它系在腰带上。他没想到会打架，但以防万一谈判变得激进......

Whatever those four wanted, he didn’t want them . He didn’t want attention three force-users could bring to this place, to him, to the child he had sworn to protect.
那四个人想要什么，他都不要。他不想让三个原力使用者注意到这个地方，带到他身边，带到他发誓要保护的孩子身上。

So, he stepped outside, leaning against the warm stone wall of his hut, the sunlight bright, as it has always been on Tatooine, two suns in an endless chase across the sky. A small ship landed in the distance, it’s silhouette sleek, sharp, elegant; built for luxury, it seemed, more than long-term travel.
所以，他走出去，靠在小屋温暖的石墙上，阳光明亮，就像塔图因一样，两个太阳在天空中无休止地追逐。一艘小船停在远处，它的轮廓圆滑、锐利、优雅;似乎为奢华而生，而不仅仅是长期旅行。

Three people walked out of the ship. They had a brief conversation, it seemed, and then one stayed behind. “The dark didn’t follow,” — the Force whispered.
三个人从船上走了出来。他们似乎简短地交谈了一会儿，然后一个人留下来了。“黑暗没有随之而来，”——原力低声说。

The two slowly walked closer, fighting the sands and the heat of midday suns, and oh, they were not dressed for the weather, their figures dark spots over the pale-beige sand; an easy target for whatever chose to strike, the reason why Obi-Wan could see them from afar.
两人慢慢地走近了，与沙滩和正午的炎热阳光作斗争，哦，他们没有穿上适合天气的衣服，他们的身影在淡米色的沙滩上留下了黑点;无论选择攻击什么，都很容易成为目标，这就是欧比旺可以从远处看到他们的原因。

“Wait, I think, I sense something,” a voice carried across the empty desert, loud and clear, as one of the people kneeled on the sand, outstretching his hand, to feel the Force, and then jerked back, as if from the impact. “Yes, he was here. Not long ago, he spoke to somebody, his… his… I can’t, I don’t know, let’s just go.”
“等等，我想，我感觉到了什么，”一个声音传遍了空旷的沙漠，响亮而清晰，其中一个人跪在沙地上，伸出手来感受原力，然后猛地向后退，仿佛受到了冲击。“是的，他在这里。不久前，他与某人交谈，他的......他。。。我不能，我不知道，我们走吧。

“Cal, do you really want to meet him? I can see what those echoes do to you, maybe it would be better to leave it be? I can’t sense darkness in this place.” came a soft reply, in a voice which was barely familiar. Something from another life, someone Obi-Wan might have met in the Temple. A former Jedi.
“卡尔，你真的想见他吗？我能看到那些回声对你有什么影响，也许还是别管会更好？我感觉不到这个地方的黑暗。“一个轻柔的回答，用一种几乎不熟悉的声音。来自另一个世界的东西，欧比旺可能在神庙里遇到的人。前绝地武士。

So, they were a master-Padawan pair. Curious. Curious how the Padawan was the one to feel the force, to sense his conversation with Qui-Gon in the desert which took place the other night, especially considering how dim the young man’s force signature was. Obi-Wan didn’t move, reluctant to come out of the shadow his hut provided, waiting for them to come closer and finally notice him.
所以，他们是一对大师级的 Padawan 组合。好奇。我很好奇那个学徒是怎么感受到这种力量的，感觉到他那天晚上在沙漠中与Qui-Gon的对话，特别是考虑到这个年轻人的力量信号是多么的暗淡。欧比旺没有动，不愿意从他的小屋提供的阴影中走出来，等待他们靠近并最终注意到他。

A droid on the Padawan’s shoulder had the sharpest eye. It beeped excitedly, and leaped down on the sand, sprinting forward, forcing his owner (and his owner’s master) to follow.
Padawan 肩膀上的机器人有一双最敏锐的眼睛。它兴奋地发出哔哔声，跳到沙滩上，向前冲刺，迫使他的主人（也是他主人的主人）跟在后面。

Up close, he finally recognized the Jedi Knight whose voice sounded familiar. Cere Junda. They didn’t exactly know each other , no, but he knew who she was, and he knew that the boy who was with her now was not her Padawan. Her Padawan was a girl, bright eyes, dark hair, brilliant intellect — so bright in the Force, he still remembered. Where was she now, that her master picked up a stray, it seemed? Was she, maybe, safe, into hiding, somewhere far away from the Empire? Was she mercilessly slaughtered by the clones right after a friendly chat with them? Or did she, perhaps, meet a fate worse than death, same as his own Padawan?
走近一看，他终于认出了那个声音听起来很熟悉的绝地武士。Cere Junda.他们并不完全了解彼此，不，但他知道她是谁，他知道现在和她在一起的那个男孩不是她的爸爸。她的学徒是个女孩，明亮的眼睛，黑发，聪明的智慧——在原力中是如此耀眼，他仍然记得。看来，她的主人捡到一只流浪狗了，她现在在哪儿呢？她是否，也许，安全地躲藏在远离帝国的地方？她是在和克隆人友好交谈后就被克隆人无情地屠杀了吗？或者，也许她遇到了比死亡更糟糕的命运，就像他自己的 Padawan 一样？

Oh, it pained him to think about Anakin, but those thoughts kept spiralling towards him yet again. He tried to release the piercing emotion into the Force, let it dissolve there, leave behind nothing but a lingering numbness, something he got used to over the years, something he was used to waking up to after horrors night brought — Anakin’s twisted face, his yellow eyes, screaming, flames, — there was no emotion, there was only peace.
哦，想到阿纳金，他很痛苦，但那些想法又一次地向他盘旋而来。他试图将刺痛的情感释放到原力中，让它在那里消散，只留下挥之不去的麻木，这是他多年来已经习惯的东西，也是他在恐怖之夜带来后醒来时习惯的东西——阿纳金扭曲的脸，他那双黄色的眼睛，尖叫，火焰——没有情感，只有和平。

“Master Kenobi, I finally found you!”
“克诺比大人，我终于找到你了！”

It wasn’t Master Junda who greeted him. Her companion — a young man, a boy, who was almost unseen in the Force, his light shining a nostalgic light blue, just like Anakin’s, but dimmer, as if faded to almost nothing, for reasons Obi-Wan could not quite get, his hair — the colour of Mustafar flames. They’ve never met before, or rather… there was nothing remarkable about the youngling this man once was, if their paths ever crossed in the Temple.
迎接他的不是俊大人。她的同伴——一个年轻人，一个男孩，在原力中几乎看不到，他的光芒闪耀着怀旧的浅蓝色，就像阿纳金的一样，但更暗淡，仿佛几乎消失了，因为欧比旺不太明白的原因，他的头发——穆斯塔法火焰的颜色。他们以前从未见过面，或者更确切地说......这个男人曾经是个年轻人，如果他们在神殿里有过交集的话，也没有什么了不起的。

“I was never lost to be found, young one,” he carefully replied.
“我从来没有被找到过，年轻人，”他小心翼翼地回答。

Why would they seek him specifically, that’s what bothered him. Being in exile didn’t suggest being found, let alone being sought after. Their Order was long gone, the most efficient way to stay alive was to live separately, that way, if one got caught, there was no way others got hurt. Not to know where others were was a clever way — the Empire was cruel enough to resort to the most violent of tortures, and they would not stop before a thing, if it meant getting rid of yet another Jedi —
他们为什么要专门找他，这就是困扰他的地方。流亡并不意味着被找到，更不用说被追捕了。他们的教团早已不复存在，最有效的生存方式就是分开生活，这样，如果一个人被抓住了，其他人就不可能受伤了。不知道其他人在哪里是一种聪明的方法——帝国残忍到诉诸最暴力的折磨，他们不会在任何事情发生之前停下来，如果这意味着要摆脱另一个绝地武士——

Cal Kestis, the boy’s name was. In his brief explanation as to why he was here, he told about his naive dream of restoring the Jedi Order (Obi-Wan almost chuckled at the thought, at how impossible the prospect seemed), of how he believed that they all should stick together. His words flowed smoothly, perhaps too much so, like a well-rehearsed poem, and although there were no traces of dishonesty in his voice there was certainly something he didn’t tell.
卡尔·凯斯蒂斯，那个男孩的名字是。在他关于他为什么在这里的简短解释中，他讲述了他恢复绝地武士团的天真梦想（欧比旺几乎笑了，因为这个前景看起来是多么不可能），以及他如何相信他们都应该团结在一起。他的话语流畅，也许太流畅了，就像一首经过精心排练的诗，虽然他的声音中没有一丝不诚实的痕迹，但肯定有他没有说出来的事情。

Master Junda didn’t seem so keen on her charge’s idea, as she quietly reminded Cal not to be too pushy, to remember what Merrin — whoever that was — told him.
Junda 大师似乎并不那么热衷于她的负责人的想法，因为她悄悄地提醒 Cal 不要太咄咄逼人，记住 Merrin——不管是谁——告诉他的话。

“Can we come inside to talk?” Cal asked, visibly uncomfortable in the planet’s heat.
“我们可以进来谈谈吗？”卡尔问道，在地球的高温下显然很不舒服。

Obi-Wan nodded and lead them inside his home. He would offer them rest, some cool water and food, but then he would have to make them leave.
欧比旺点点头，领着他们进了他的家。他会让他们休息，一些凉水和食物，但随后他必须让他们离开。

Cere calmly settled at the table, while Cal lingered at the entrance, looking around, as if unsure, what to do next.
Cere 平静地坐在桌子旁，而 Cal 则在入口处徘徊，四处张望，似乎不确定下一步该怎么做。

“Cal sensed that you’ve encountered Darth Vader at some point, Master Kenobi,” she looked at him with eyes full of compassion — and his heart dropped, because it was his darkest, deepest sorrow, because Vader was once Skywalker, because he was once his Padawan, his dear one — and understanding. “He was worried that that encounter might have influenced you. You see, I met him too, and that… it almost broke me.”
“卡尔感觉到你在某个时候遇到了达斯·维达，克诺比大师，”她用充满怜悯的眼神看着他——他的心一沉，因为那是他最黑暗、最深的悲伤，因为维达曾经是天行者，因为他曾经是他的帕达万，他最亲爱的——和理解力。“他担心那次相遇可能会影响你。你看，我也见过他，而且......这几乎让我崩溃了。

“I see,” he replied, trying to keep his voice steady; almost flinched at how cold and hoarse it sounded. “And I appreciate your charge’s concern, but I’m fine, as you can see. The Darkness didn’t stain me.”
“我明白了，”他回答，努力保持声音稳定;几乎要被这听起来如此冰冷和嘶哑吓缩了。“我很感激你的关心，但正如你所看到的，我很好。黑暗没有玷污我。

“I’m glad,” came Cere’s honest reply. She then told him their story, and asked, if he cared to come with them, become a part of their group, which he politely declined. And that was it. He didn’t have to force them to go away.
“我很高兴，”Cere 诚实地回答。然后她告诉了他他们的故事，并问他是否愿意和他们一起去，成为他们团队的一员，他礼貌地拒绝了。就这样。他不必强迫他们走开。

“May the Force be with you, Master Kenobi,” she said, offering him a warm smile as she bowed politely on her way out. Cal followed her, eyes downcast, wiping his nose — was that blood? — with the corner of his white-and-yellow striped poncho.
「愿原力与你同在，克诺比大人，」她说，一边向他露出温暖的微笑，一边礼貌地鞠躬离开。卡尔跟在她身后，垂着眼睛，擦着鼻子——那是血吗？——带着他那白色和黄色条纹雨披的一角。

And just like that, they were gone. Obi-Wan was almost glad that the visit didn’t drag for longer. It was… an unwanted distraction from his meditations. He watched them go back to their ship, watched the ship for several more minutes before it finally raised a cloud of sand around itself before lifting off the planet’s surface and disappearing somewhere beyond the horizon.
就这样，他们走了。欧比旺几乎很高兴这次访问没有拖延太久。那是......一种不必要地分散他冥想的注意力。他看着他们回到自己的飞船上，又观察了这艘飞船几分钟，最后它在自己周围升起了一团沙云，然后从行星表面升起，消失在地平线以外的某个地方。

Chapter 2: Cal Kestis
第 2 章：卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

Cal isn't dealing with things well.
卡尔处理事情不好。

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Tatooine was an unwelcoming place. Not that any other place that Cal had visited in his search for Obi-Wan Kenobi was any different.
塔图因是一个不受欢迎的地方。并不是说卡尔在寻找欧比旺·克诺比时去过的任何其他地方都有什么不同。

From the very first force-echo he sensed; it was torture. Some could say that Darth Vader was a fearful sight, that the dark, radiating from him was menacing, paralyzing, but his memories were so much worse. Cal never expected to see what he saw, as he struggled to get free from the Sith’s grasp. That the emperor’s first was tormented by so much pain, so much emotion — anger, betrayal, fear, regret, guilt — unthinkable. It overtook Cal’s whole being, kept him awake at night, as he jerked awake, feeling — a blue lightsaber cuts him in two as he attempts a jump he was so confident he would make, a searing pain through his very being as he drops to the scorchingly-hot ground, and then the flames, and it burns, it burns, it hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts — nothing but his own ragged breaths, at least so he willed himself to believe.
从他感觉到的第一声原力回声开始;这是一种折磨。有些人可以说达斯·维达是一个可怕的景象，从他身上散发出来的黑暗是威胁性的，令人麻痹的，但他的记忆要糟糕得多。卡尔从没想过会看到他所看到的，因为他努力从西斯的控制中挣脱出来。皇帝的第一个孩子被如此多的痛苦、如此多的情感所折磨——愤怒、背叛、恐惧、遗憾、内疚——简直难以想象。它占据了卡尔的整个人，让他在夜里保持清醒，当他猛地醒来时，感觉到——当他试图做出一个他如此自信的跳跃时，一把蓝色的光剑将他切成两半，当他跌落到灼热的地面上时，一阵灼热的痛苦贯穿了他的身体，然后是火焰，它燃烧着，它燃烧着， 它疼，疼，疼，疼——除了他自己粗重的呼吸，什么都没有，至少他愿意相信。

He told nobody of his struggles, only of his resolve to find Vader’s — Skywalker’s — Master. He didn’t tell of the relationship between the Sith lord and the Jedi either, only of their battle on Mustafar, and his crew, ever understanding, eagerly followed him to the tiny, fiery planet in the Outer Rim. There were… many things he had to overcome. Clones, purge troopers, the heat of lava pools, old, melting durasteel structures under his feet, but compared to the memories — it was nothing . There was so much pain, yet hope , so much hatred, and yet love , and then… regret, sorrow, agony . Cal felt as if he could drown in those feelings, as he sat there, on the very place where Obi-Wan Kenobi picked up his former Padawan’s lightsaber, gasping for breath, as if it was him, whose fate shattered here five years ago. He almost crawled to the place where the shuttle once was, where Vader’s wife laid. He could barely figure out where they headed; the echoes here were faint, and he had to use every last bit of Force he had left to push away the pain, the suffering, to drag the memories of where Obi-Wan was heading to the surface. With an effort, an effort he could barely handle, he managed it.
他没有告诉任何人他的挣扎，只告诉了他找到维达——天行者——主人的决心。他也没有讲述西斯领主和绝地武士之间的关系，只讲述了他们在穆斯塔法的战斗，他的船员们一直都明白，热切地跟着他去了外缘那个小而炽热的星球。曾经有。。。他必须克服很多事情。克隆人，净化士兵，熔岩池的热量，他脚下古老、融化的硬钢结构，但与记忆相比——这算不了什么。有那么多的痛苦，但又有希望，有这么多的仇恨，还有爱，然后......遗憾、悲伤、痛苦。卡尔觉得自己仿佛可以淹没在那些感觉中，因为他坐在那里，就在欧比旺·克诺比捡起他前任帕达万的光剑的地方，大口喘着气，仿佛这就是他，五年前他的命运在这里破碎了。他几乎爬到了穿梭机曾经所在的地方，维达的妻子躺在那里。他几乎不知道他们要去哪里;这里的回声很微弱，他不得不用他所剩无几的力量来推开痛苦，把痛苦拖拽着欧比旺要去的地方的记忆浮出水面。他努力了，他几乎无法承受的努力，他做到了。

He returned to the Mantis exhausted, almost dropped into meditation, to clear his mind: there is no emotion, there is no emotion, there is no emotion , only peace. He spent a solid hour trying to find it, but it never came. He stood up from the floor even more uneasy than before, and asked Greez to plot a course to the next planet.
他筋疲力尽地回到螳螂身边，几乎陷入了冥想，清醒了自己的心意：没有情绪，没有情绪，没有情绪，只有平静。他花了整整一个小时试图找到它，但从未出现。他从地板上站起来，比以前更加不安，让 Greez 规划通往下一个星球的路线。

It didn’t get much better there, pain and sorrow echoimg in the Force louder than anything, it was hard to feel much else at all, his Force reserves running low, exhaustion from lack of sleep at night, constant fighting, stormtroopers screaming as he pushed his way through Empire territory, nosebleeds becoming his constant companion, as stims were no longer enough to keep him up to speed, as he needed more and more, not to collapse. BD-1 beeped worriedly, but he was always quick to reassure the droid that he was, in fact, okay.
那里的情况并没有好转，痛苦和悲伤在原力中回荡得比什么都响亮，很难有其他的感觉，他的原力储备不足，晚上睡眠不足而筋疲力尽，不断的战斗，冲锋队员在他穿过帝国领土时尖叫，流鼻血成为他不变的伴侣，因为刺激已经不足以让他跟上速度， 因为他需要越来越多的，而不是崩溃。BD-1 担心地发出哔哔声，但他总是很快地让机器人放心，事实上，他没事。

Cere didn’t buy it, though. She saw how pale he was, how prone he was to spacing out and how disconnected from reality he had become — trusting only in the Force, but the Force could sometimes be too much, it seemed, for one boy to take. She tried to reason with him, but he didn’t listen. With his dream of restoring the Order and finding the force-sensitive kids gone, he clung to the idea of finding one specific Jedi and refused to let it go. She hoped that once they met Master Kenobi, it would be over. This obsession would end, Cal would finally be able to rest and sleep. The Jedi’s words on Tatooine were a relief. He was as peaceful and serene as they come, it seemed, unbothered by what’s been happening anywhere else despite having met Darth Vader, almost defeating him on Mustafar, as Cal told her, which was… quite an achievement, she thought, because for her fight against the Dark was everlasting. If that wasn’t enough to put Cal at ease, she didn’t know what was, but alas…
不过，Cere 并不买账。她看到他脸色苍白，他多么容易拉开距离，与现实脱节——只相信原力，但有时这原力似乎对一个男孩来说太过分了。她试图和他讲道理，但他不听。随着他恢复秩序并找到对力量敏感的孩子的梦想消失，他坚持寻找一个特定的绝地武士的想法，并拒绝放弃它。她希望一旦他们遇到了克诺比大师，一切都结束了。这种痴迷会结束，卡尔终于可以休息和睡觉了。绝地武士对塔图因的话让人松了一口气。他似乎和他们一样平和祥和，尽管遇到了达斯·维达，几乎在穆斯塔法击败了他，正如卡尔告诉她的那样，他对其他地方发生的事情毫不在意，那是......相当了不起的成就，她想，因为她与黑暗的斗争是永恒的。如果这还不足以让 Cal 放心，她不知道什么才是，但唉......

Cal was very quiet on their way back to the Mantis, didn’t say a word until Greez asked where to next —
卡尔在他们回螳螂的路上非常安静，直到 Greez 问下一步去哪里，他才说了一句话——

“Bogano,” he half-whispered, and as they were about to take off and then, in a blink, rushed off the common room to the door and jumped — BD-1 beeping in panic, jumping after him in one swift motion, Cere almost followed them, but Merrin grabbed her arm.
“博加诺，”他半低声说，当他们准备起飞时，眨眼间，他冲出公共休息室，跳到门口——BD-1惊慌失措地发出哔哔声，迅速地跳到他身后，Cere几乎跟着他们，但Merrin抓住了她的手臂。

“Don’t go. He made up his mind.”
“别走。他下定了决心。

Cal landed on all fours, face-down in the sand, and stayed there. He had no strength left to get up, the Force betraying him. Twin suns’ heat burned his back, BD-1 nudged his cheek, sand slowly falling from the air back to the dunes where it belonged.
卡尔四肢着地，脸朝下躺在沙子里，然后呆在那里。他已经没有力气站起来了，原力背叛了他。双子太阳的热量灼伤了他的背，BD-1轻推了他的脸颊，沙子慢慢地从空中落回了它所属的沙丘上。

“Stim, buddy,” Cal whispered, reaching for the small canister his droid friend willingly offered. Yeah. That will keep him going for just a bit longer. He just has to make it all the way back to… through the dunes… in the sun… Stim had its effect, sure it did, but as Cal knocked on the locked door of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s hut, no reply came. He reached out through the Force, and he felt that the man was still there, but…
“刺激，伙计，”卡尔低声说，伸手去拿他的机器人朋友心甘情愿地递给他的小罐子。是的。这将使他能坚持更长的时间。他只需要一路回到......穿过沙丘......在阳光下......刺激有效果，当然有，但当卡尔敲响欧比旺·克诺比小屋锁着的门时，没有回应。他通过原力伸出手，他感觉到那个人还在那里，但是......

Well. He was not welcome, so it seemed. Truthfully, it wasn’t even surprising, really. Cal knew, how unwelcome past can be, when it comes knocking at the door. He himself wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of leaving Bracca once, yet here he was… and he needed help.
井。他似乎不受欢迎。说实话，这甚至并不奇怪，真的。卡尔知道，当敲门时，过去是多么不受欢迎。他自己并不完全热衷于离开 Bracca 一次的想法，但他在这里......他需要帮助。

With a heavy sigh he settled down on the sand and closed his eyes.
他重重地叹了口气，在沙地上坐下，闭上了眼睛。

“There is no chaos, there is harmony” he whispered, feeling the sand sifting through the dunes around, each individual grain of it so perfectly in synch with others. The heat of two suns was not burning, but warm, light not blinding, but soft. He could will himself to feel that, if he tried hard enough. He could find a thousand reasons why Tatooine was a place where Master Kenobi chose to stay. Here was so much to meditate on, and yet nothing at all.
“没有混乱，有和谐，”他低声说，感觉到沙子在周围的沙丘中筛选，它的每一粒都与其他颗粒完美地同步。两个太阳的热量不是燃烧的，而是温暖的，光线不刺眼，而是柔和的。如果他足够努力的话，他自己也能感受到这一点。他能找到一千个理由来解释为什么塔图因是克诺比大师选择留下来的地方。这里有太多值得沉思的地方，但什么都没有。

The white-hot day slowly faded into the coldest night, leaving Cal shivering, as he tried to wrap himself into his poncho. It was nothing, compared to Ilum, though, but after a whole day in the sun it still felt too cold for his comfort. So much so that he knocked on the door once more — no answer, no luck.
白热的白天慢慢消失在最寒冷的夜晚，让卡尔颤抖着，试图把自己裹进雨披里。不过，与伊鲁姆相比，这算不了什么，但在阳光下晒了一整天之后，他仍然觉得太冷了，让他感到不舒服。以至于他再次敲门——没有回应，没有运气。

The next day left him with a sunburn all over his face and hand. The next night gave him a sore throat, as his body slowly gave up under pressure.
第二天，他的脸和手都被晒伤了。第二天晚上，他的喉咙痛，因为他的身体在压力下慢慢放弃了。

Was this, perhaps, his test? He wouldn’t be spoken to, until he finds his serenity? Maybe it was something akin to what his own Master used to do. He remembered being tested for endurance, he remembered sleepless nights, he remembered spending weeks without proper food, because should something happen, a Jedi should also be prepared…
这也许是他的考验吗？在他找到自己的平静之前，他不会和他说话吗？也许这类似于他自己的师父过去做的事情。他记得接受耐力测试，他记得不眠之夜，他记得花了几个星期没有适当的食物，因为万一发生什么事情，绝地武士也应该做好准备......

Something happened, and he was.
发生了一些事情，他确实发生了。

So, he tried to slip into a meditative state time after time, as days faded into an ever-changing cycle of blue and orangy-beige, and worry. He was slowly running out of little water he had, and there was only so much stims BD-1 could provide. When he jumped from the ship, he didn’t expect to spend a week in the desert under the planet’s cruel suns. Last drops were sweet against his tongue, as the wind brushed grains of sand against his cheek. He wouldn’t make it. He wouldn’t.
所以，他一次又一次地试图进入冥想状态，因为日子渐渐消失在蓝色、橙米色和担忧的不断变化的循环中。他所剩无几的水慢慢耗尽了，而 BD-1 能提供的刺激也就这么多了。当他从船上跳下来时，他没想到会在地球上残酷的阳光下的沙漠中度过一个星期。最后一滴水在他的舌头上是甜甜的，风吹着沙粒拂过他的脸颊。他不会活下来的。他不会。

— too weak, incompetent, he had no right to be knighted, no right to be a Jedi, when he was just an excuse for one —
——太弱小，太无能了，他没有权利被封为爵士，没有权利成为绝地武士，而他只是一个借口——

Another day gone by, as he sat on the Jedi Master’s doorstep, all his hopes slowly dying as blood dripped from his nose to his chin — he failed to care enough to wipe it, and it dried there, too thick to drip down further. His breath hitched. He wouldn’t make it.
又过了一天，当他坐在绝地大师的门口时，他所有的希望都慢慢地破灭，鲜血从鼻子滴到下巴——他没来得及擦干净，它就在那里干了，太厚了，无法再滴落。他的呼吸急促起来。他不会活下来的。

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this, BD,” he whispered, voice breaking, eyes sore with tears, as he gathered the last of his strength to get up and knock at the door one — last — more time, before slipping back to the ground, eyes closed, seeing only light.
“对不起，我把你拖进了这个地步，BD，”他低声说，声音嘶哑，眼中含泪，他鼓起最后的力气起身，再敲了一遍门——最后一次——然后滑回地上，闭着眼睛，只看到光。

He half-heard footsteps, the sound of the door opening, half-felt pleasantly cool hands on his cheeks brushing hair off his forehead. A presence in the Force — light-blue of the water, which lacked on this desert hell, as he felt being carefully picked up and carried.
他半信半疑地听到了脚步声，开门的声音，半感觉半凉的手在他的脸颊上拂去他额头上的头发。在原力中的存在——浅蓝色的水，在这个沙漠地狱中缺乏，因为他感觉到被小心翼翼地抱起和携带。

A sting of pain, as cold cloth touched his cheeks, smell of antiseptic strong in the air, as blood was wiped off his face — a gentle touch, filled with care — and then warm feel of bacta spray, unpleasant, just as bacta always was. A glass was pressed against his lips, and he greedily drank the sweetest water that he ever tasted in his life, hoping to remember this feeling, this moment of comfort forever. Then, just as greedily as he drank the water, he clung to his savior, his light, this watery-bright-blue in the Force, soft fabric under his fingertips, warmth of another human being near; so overwhelming, before… oh Force, please not again!
当冰冷的布碰到他的脸颊时，一阵痛苦，空气中弥漫着浓郁的消毒剂气味，当血擦去他脸上的血时——一种温柔的抚摸，充满了关怀——然后是 bacta 喷雾的温暖感觉，令人不快，就像 bacta 一直一样。一杯酒杯贴在他的嘴唇上，他贪婪地喝着他这辈子尝过的最甜的水，希望能永远记住这种感觉，这一刻的舒适。然后，就像他喝水一样贪婪地紧紧抓住他的救世主，他的光芒，这原力中水汪汪的亮蓝色，指尖下柔软的织物，近在咫尺的另一个人的温暖;如此压倒性，之前......哦，原力，请不要再来了！

—...blinding bright blue of his... — no, not his, Kenobi’s — ...lightsaber, the sound of a human body falling to the ground, Skywalker’s screams of hate, the agonizing feeling of heartbreak, of soul burning to ashes...
—...他那令人眼花缭乱的亮蓝色——不，不是他的，克诺比的——......光剑，人体倒地的声音，天行者仇恨的尖叫，心碎的痛苦感觉，灵魂燃烧成灰烬的感觉......

“...I loved you!” —
“...我爱你！

Cal cannot scream or cry, he chokes on his voice and buries his bacta-covered face on Jedi Master’s shoulder, unable to pull away, to come to his senses, to just push the memories which the Force showed him from his mind.
卡尔无法尖叫或哭泣，他哽咽着，把他那张沾满巴克塔的脸埋在绝地大师的肩膀上，无法抽身，无法清醒过来，只是将原力向他展示的记忆从他的脑海中推开。

“Anakin.”
“阿纳金。”

He was pulled into a hug, gentle, yet firm. Chaste kiss pressed against his temple, strong arms around him, as he was held, mistaken for someone he was not, mistaken for someone who was the cause of his own distress and pain.
他被拉进了一个拥抱中，温柔而坚定。贞洁的吻压在他的太阳穴上，强壮的手臂搂着他，因为他被抱着，被误认为是他不是的人，被误认为是他自己痛苦和痛苦的原因。

There shouldn’t have been emotion, there should have been only peace, for a Jedi Knight, and yet he wept, silently, for he didn’t know how long, until exhaustion took over. He faintly remembered the soft pillow and a blanket being pulled over him, and then… he finally drifted off to sleep: hazy, feverish slumber.
对于一个绝地武士来说，不应该有情感，应该只有平静，但他却无声地哭泣，因为他不知道过了多久，直到疲惫占据了上风。他依稀记得柔软的枕头和一条毯子被拉在他身上，然后......他终于睡着了：朦胧、狂热的睡眠。

The nightmares didn’t leave him, however. He had been waking up several times throughout the night, only to find Master Kenobi by his side, handing him a glass of blue milk, before putting him back to sleep, whispering reassuring nothings as if Cal was but a sick youngling.
然而，噩梦并没有离开他。他整晚都醒了好几次，只发现克诺比大人在他身边，递给他一杯蓝色的牛奶，然后让他重新入睡，低声说着安抚的话，仿佛卡尔只是一个生病的年轻人。

Notes:
笔记：

Aaand hopefully I'll have an update for you all soon UwU
希望我很快就会为大家提供更新 UwU

Chapter 3: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 3 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

Yay, a new chapter!
耶，新的篇章！

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

After the uninvited guests left, Obi-Wan returned to his hermit way of life, where he didn’t have a need to leave his home too often, where he didn’t have visitors for years, except his Master, but Qui-Gon was elusive, he came and went, like wind, offering his guidance on the way to finding ultimate peace. Yet, Obi-Wan couldn’t rely on his Master alone. He wasn’t a young Padawan, and he could manage untangling his emotions on his own, even if those were his darkest — the ones his guests so conveniently reminded him of.
不速之客离开后，欧比旺回到了他隐居的生活方式，在那里他不需要太频繁地离开自己的家，除了他的主人之外，他多年来没有访客，但 Qui-Gon 难以捉摸，他来来去去，像风一样，为寻找最终平静的道路提供指导。然而，欧比旺不能只依靠他的师父。他不是一个年轻的 Padawan，他可以自己解开自己的情绪，即使那些是他最黑暗的——他的客人如此方便地提醒他的那些情绪。

In the days that followed, he reached for his memories of Mustafar and pushed beyond them, beyond the hurt, to the time where his heart was still unbroken. The happy moments he shared with Anakin, while he was still his Padawan. His bright smile, ever-confident, his blue eyes, kind and curious, always so curious...
在接下来的日子里，他伸手去寻找他对穆斯塔法的记忆，超越它们，超越伤害，直到他的心仍然没有破碎。他与 Anakin 分享的快乐时光，当时他还是他的 Padawan。他灿烂的笑容，永远自信，他的蓝眼睛，善良而好奇，总是那么好奇......

He remembered it —
他记得——

— a diplomatic mission, one of his first ones as a Jedi Knight, turned a success, after three full days of negotiations, which his young apprentice had to spend on their ship, without setting a foot on the planet. Anakin wanted to see the palace, the new people, to taste the food, but alas; he was still too young and unskilled for his presence on those types of gatherings to be sanctioned by the Council, even after the negotiations were over. He couldn’t have been left at the Temple either; nobody really wanted the disaster young Skywalker harboured in himself and the boy sensed it only too well.
— 一次外交任务，是他作为绝地武士的第一次任务之一，经过整整三天的谈判取得了成功，他的年轻学徒不得不在他们的船上度过，而没有踏上这个星球。阿纳金想看看宫殿，看看新来的人们，尝尝美食，但唉;他还太年轻，技术不熟练，即使在谈判结束后，他参加这类聚会也不会得到议会的批准。他也不可能被留在圣殿里;没有人真的想要年轻的天行者身上隐藏的灾难，而这个男孩太清楚地感受到了这一点。

Obi-Wan remembered his thoughts wandering back to the ship, remembered constant tugging on their bond, with “how long now, Master?” and “I’m so bored, Master!” making it hard to concentrate on polite conversations and small talk. He remembered smiling, remembered warm feeling swelling inside his chest as he planned smuggling treats for his Padawan from a formal event. It wasn’t something a Jedi Master should have done, but it was something Obi-Wan himself would have appreciated in his time as a Padawan, were it ever to occur. It never did, as Qui-Gon showed him kindness in his own ways.
欧比旺想起了他回到船上的思绪，想起了不断拉扯他们的纽带，“现在多久了，主人？”和“我好无聊，主人”，让人很难集中精力进行礼貌的交谈和闲聊。他记得他微笑着，记得当他计划从正式活动中为他的学徒走私零食时，他的胸腔里涌起了温暖的感觉。这不是绝地大师应该做的事情，但这是欧比旺本人在他作为 Padawan 的时代会欣赏的事情，如果它真的发生的话。但事实并非如此，因为 Qui-Gon 以自己的方式向他表达了善意。

When he finally got back to their shuttle, he found Anakin sitting on his cot, catching up on some reading — he must have really been so bored , to voluntarily touch the Jedi texts.
当他终于回到他们的班车上时，他发现阿纳金坐在他的小床上，正在阅读一些书籍——他一定是真的太无聊了，才自愿接触绝地武士的文字。

“Master!” the boy’s eyes lit up, as he sprung up, a broad smile on his face, as he almost knocked Obi-Wan over with his overly-enthusiastic hug “How did it go? Did you show them??”
“主人！”男孩的眼睛亮了起来，他跳了起来，脸上露出灿烂的笑容，因为他过于热情的拥抱几乎把欧比旺撞倒了。“怎么样？你给他们看了吗？？

Obi-Wan remembered laughing, remembered Anakin’s soft, fluffy hair under his fingertips, remembered joking about how exactly he talked those politicians down from decisions which would have brought war to their home… but war didn’t matter in the moment. Anakin listened to him with hungry curiosity, and so he told him about everything he saw, about dark-purple sky, milky-white waters of the lake near the palace, built of translucent glass, about birds with four wings and plants of all shapes and sizes.
欧比旺记得他的笑声，记得阿纳金指尖下柔软蓬松的头发，记得他开玩笑说他究竟是如何说服那些政客做出会给他们家带来战争的决定的......但战争在那一刻并不重要。阿纳金带着饥饿的好奇心听他说话，于是他把他所看到的一切告诉了他，关于深紫色的天空，关于宫殿附近乳白色的湖水，关于半透明玻璃建造的湖水，关于有四个翅膀的鸟和各种形状和大小的植物。

“I also brought you something.”
“我还给你带来了一些东西。”

A sweet puff-pastry with fruit filling and three large berries, which glowed a scarlet-red.
一种带有水果馅和三个大浆果的甜酥皮糕点，发出猩红色的光芒。

Anakin stared in awe at the gift, eyes wide, and, for some unknown reason overcome with shyness, muttered a barely audible “thank you”.
阿纳金敬畏地盯着这份礼物，睁大了眼睛，不知为何，害羞地喃喃自语了一句几乎听不见的“谢谢”。

— in that moment, there was peace. And in that moment there was love; a true, pure feeling, which he cherished; which he carried unstained through the good times and the bad, through the Clone Wars, which he wished he could find still, when he thought of —
——在那一刻，一片平静。在那一刻，有爱;一种他所珍视的真实、纯洁的感情;他带着它安然无恙地度过了美好的时光和坏时光，度过了克隆人战争，当他想到时，他希望自己还能找到它——

“The boy you trained, gone, he is. Consumed by Darth Vader,” that’s what Yoda told him, but no matter the ancient Master’s wisdom, Obi-Wan found it hard to believe it. A change of name meant nothing, really, when it came to the person one was, and now, here, on Tatooine, it was ever so clear. Darth Vader didn’t come out of nowhere, didn’t kill his precious Padawan. Darth Vader was his precious Padawan.
“你训练的那个男孩，走了，他就是。被达斯维达吞噬，“这是尤达告诉他的，但无论这位古老大师的智慧如何，欧比旺都难以置信。改名真的，当涉及到一个人是谁时，真的没有任何意义，而现在，在这里，在塔图因，一切都是如此明显。达斯·维达 （Darth Vader） 并非凭空出现，没有杀死他珍贵的 Padawan。达斯维达是他珍贵的 Padawan。

His Anakin , who failed to see the path to light and followed darkness. It was his fault, for not noticing in time… no. He knew, when it started. Whom it started with. He knew, who then fueled the flames and exploited his Padawan’s weakness. He wasn’t blind, and he never trusted Palpatine, even so… his trust in Anakin proved to be too much; he missed a breaking point, caught up in the fighting, the war.
他的阿纳金，看不到通往光明的道路，追随黑暗。这是他的错，因为他没有及时注意到......不。他知道，它是什么时候开始的。它从谁开始。他知道，然后是谁火上浇油，利用他的 Padawan 的弱点。他不是瞎子，他从来不信任帕尔帕廷，即便如此......事实证明，他对阿纳金的信任太多了;他错过了一个突破点，被卷入了战斗和战争。

Were the Jedi ever supposed to fight? To take sides? Republic or the Separatists, did it really matter, in the end? He had sworn his allegiance to the Republic, but if he knew that there was a Sith Lord at the heart of it, would he have stopped? Would he have left the Order? Would Qui-Gon have done it, were he to survive? Would he have taken Anakin with him, saving the Chosen One from this downfall, or would he have let the Force decide his fate?
绝地武士曾经应该战斗吗？选边站队？共和国还是分离主义者，到头来真的重要吗？他宣誓效忠共和国，但如果他知道共和国的核心有一位西斯领主，他会停下来吗？他会离开教团吗？如果 Qui-Gon 能活下来，他会这样做吗？他会带着阿纳金一起，将天选之人从这场垮台中拯救出来，还是让原力决定他的命运？

His thoughts wandered yet again.
他的思绪又一次飘忽不定。

“Peace,” he reminded himself as he stood up to get a glass of water before returning to his favourite meditation spot, “That’s what you want to find, not answers”
“和平，”他提醒自己，站起来拿了一杯水，然后回到他最喜欢的冥想地点，“这就是你想要找到的，而不是答案。

He wouldn’t find answers anyway. His Force wasn't one of the prophets, it didn’t show him visions of the past nor did it show him the future. As day faded into night, and another day, and a night after that, he tried to recall the lightest, purest memories of Anakin.They weren’t all as happy, as the first one —
反正他也找不到答案。他的原力不是先知之一，它没有向他展示过去的幻象，也没有向他展示未来。随着白昼渐渐消失在黑夜中，又是一天，又是一夜，他试图回忆起关于阿纳金最轻松、最纯粹的回忆——

— he remembered Anakin surrendering his lightsaber to him, telling about his resolve to leave the Order. It wasn't really hard for Obi-Wan to understand this desire, because… the boy knew life outside the Order. Saw other options, even behind his dream of becoming a Jedi, which was, up close, too far from a fairytale he imagined as a child: a hard life, a lonely fate. And despite the fact that he pleaded his Padawan to reconsider, he knew one thing. If Anakin decided to leave, he would have followed. His vow to Qui-Gon would have remained unbroken, but not because he had an obligation, but because he never wished for Anakin to be alone.
——他记得阿纳金把他的光剑交给了他，告诉他离开教团的决心。欧比旺并不难理解这种愿望，因为......这个男孩了解教团之外的生活。他看到了其他选择，甚至在他成为绝地武士的梦想背后，这与他小时候想象的童话故事相去甚远：艰难的生活，孤独的命运。尽管他恳求他的学徒重新考虑，但他知道一件事。如果阿纳金决定离开，他就会跟着走。他对 Qui-Gon 的誓言不会被打破，但不是因为他有义务，而是因为他从不希望阿纳金孤独。

— in that moment his inner peace didn’t falter. Now he almost found himself wishing that his Padawan had not reconsidered, that they had left, and then, perhaps… ah, again, he was losing focus.
——在那一刻，他内心的平静并没有动摇。现在他几乎发现自己希望他的学徒没有重新考虑，他们已经离开了，然后，也许......啊，他又一次失去了注意力。

He decided to take a break. He prepared food that tasted like nothing — didn’t remember nor making it, nor consuming it — ate it in silence, cleaned his home in silence, the Force around the desert swirling with worry, which wasn’t entirely his own.
他决定休息一下。他准备的食物尝起来什么都没有——不记得，也不做，也不吃——默默地吃着，默默地打扫着他的家，沙漠周围的原力充满了担忧，这并不完全是他自己的。

Who was this Cal Kestis, whose Force felt so familiar and yet so strange, who was almost transparent in color, except for such a familiar deep-blue of Anakin Skywalker? Who was his Master, before the Purge? Why did he look so exhausted, when another Jedi travelling by his side did not, despite the ongoing internal battle against the Dark?
这个卡尔·凯斯蒂斯是谁，他的原力感觉如此熟悉，但又如此陌生，除了阿纳金·天行者如此熟悉的深蓝色之外，他的颜色几乎是透明的？在大清洗之前，谁是他的主人？为什么他看起来如此疲惫，而另一位与他同行的绝地武士却没有，尽管他内部正在与黑暗势力进行斗争？

“That’s none of my concern,” Obi-Wan whispered, head in his hands, trying to block the worry Force suggested. It wasn’t his emotion. He was past doubting his ability as a Jedi — but he had failed Anakin, he was far too attached to his former Padawan still — past feeling unworthy .
“那不关我的事，”欧比旺低声说，双手抱着头，试图阻止原力暗示的担忧。这不是他的情绪。他曾经怀疑过自己作为绝地武士的能力——但他辜负了阿纳金，他仍然太依恋他的前学徒了——过去觉得自己不值得。

He reached out to feel Luke in the Force, safe, content, happy in his foster parent’s care; his presence far away, but very clear and familiar. He could concentrate on that. It certainly helped him dull the worry, the negative humm — I won’t make it, it’s too hot, I won’t pass that test — of the desert sands.
他伸出手来感受卢克在原力中，安全、满足、在养父母的照顾下快乐;他的存在很远，但非常清晰和熟悉。他可以专心致志。这无疑帮助他平息了对沙漠的担忧和消极的哼哼——我活不下去了，天气太热了，我过不了那个测试。

Another day went by. Another peaceful memory was found through his meditations. Another night and one more day. And one more meditation in search for his peace.
又过了一天。通过他的冥想找到了另一个平静的记忆。又一个夜晚，又一天。还有一次寻找他的平静的冥想。

Force almost yanked him out of his reverie about — he couldn’t recall anymore — he heard a weak knock at the door. Was that even real? He couldn’t sense anyone outside, except this echo of his Padawan, but…
力量几乎把他从遐想中拉出来——他已经记不清了——他听到了一阵微弱的敲门声。这是真的吗？他感觉不到外面有人，除了他的 Padawan 的回声，但是......

Just outside his doorstep was a person, this boy, Cal Kestis, Mustafar-lava-color hair and yellow striped poncho, blood on his face and eyes shut, passed out on the sand, his tiny droid hopping from one spot to another restlessly. Wasn’t this boy… gone? Together with Master Junda? Did he spend all this time here, just outside?
就在他家门口，有一个人，这个男孩，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯，穆斯塔法熔岩色的头发，披着黄色条纹的雨披，脸上沾满了血，闭着眼睛，昏倒在沙滩上，他的小机器人不安分地从一个地方跳到另一个地方。这个男孩不是......逝？和俊达大师一起？他有没有在这里度过了这么长时间，只是在外面？

He did. The angry sunburns spoke for themselves. Obi-Wan kneeled on the sand, carefully removed strands of hair from his forehead before gently lifting Cal from the ground. And it was then, at the very moment he touched him, when… oh Force —
他做到了。愤怒的晒伤不言自明。欧比旺跪在沙滩上，小心翼翼地去除额头上的几缕头发，然后轻轻地将卡尔从地上抬起。就在那时，就在他触碰他的那一刻，当......噢，原力 —

— it was Anakin in his arms, and they were not on Tatooine, it was a different planet, too small to even be remembered; what happened? Have their shuttle been shot? It seemed so, yeah. Their shuttle was just a bit across the sands, and he… he remembered having a medkit, he had to… the plasma burns... —
——他怀里抱着阿纳金，他们不在塔图因，那是另一个星球，太小了，甚至连记不住;发生了什么事？他们的航天飞机被击中了吗？看起来是这样，是的。他们的穿梭机就在沙滩对面一点点，而他......他记得有一个医疗包，他必须......等离子体燃烧...... —

It wasn’t Anakin in his arms, and there were no plasma burns. It wasn’t Anakin, who clung to him, like a child, it was just… a stranger. A complete stranger, and yet…
他怀里的不是阿纳金，也没有血浆灼伤。不是阿纳金，像个孩子一样紧紧地抱着他，只是......一个陌生人。一个完全的陌生人，然而......

— Anakin cried when he woke up in the Halls of Healing and realized what had happened to his right arm. His distress, his frustration, his feeling of helplessness were overwhelming through their bond, and the only thing Obi-Wan could do was offer him a hug, a kiss on a temple and whisper his name, as his padawan sobbed into his chest —
— 当阿纳金在治愈大厅醒来并意识到他的右臂发生了什么时，他哭了。他的痛苦、他的挫败感、他的无助感在他们的纽带中压倒一切，欧比旺唯一能做的就是给他一个拥抱，在太阳穴上亲吻，低声呼喊他的名字，这时他的学徒在他的胸口啜泣——

He had to snap out of it and he did, although it did take plenty of effort not to slip into the cascade of memories — so vivid they were almost visions — Cal Kestis for some reason was triggering. Minutes stretched to hours, but eventually, young man’s breathing evened out as he was, finally, asleep.
他必须从中抽身出来，他做到了，尽管确实花了很多努力才不滑入记忆的瀑布中——如此生动，几乎是幻觉——不知为何，Cal Kestis 正在触发。几分钟延长到几个小时，但最终，年轻人的呼吸终于沉睡了。

Obi-Wan laid him down on the bed. He decided not to invade his privacy and left his ammunition on — lightsaber, boots and all — but wrapped a blanket around him nonetheless. The nights were cold, after all.
欧比旺把他放在床上。他决定不侵犯自己的隐私，并留下了他的弹药——光剑、靴子等等——但仍然用毯子裹着他。毕竟，夜晚很冷。

It wasn’t his first time tending to somebody tormented by nightmares; the thing was, this time he knew exactly what the nightmares were about; the Force showed him everything . The images hit him like a tidal wave — the light blue of his lightsaber, but now from a different perspective, through different eyes, Anakin’s eyes.
这不是他第一次照顾被噩梦折磨的人;问题是，这一次他确切地知道噩梦是怎么回事;原力向他展示了一切。这些图像像潮汐一样击中了他——他光剑的浅蓝色，但现在从不同的角度，通过不同的眼睛，阿纳金的眼睛。

“I hate you!” Cal screamed in his sleep, before gasping, jerking awake, breath unsteady, eyes wild, as he failed to understand where he was — perhaps even who he was.
“我恨你！”卡尔在睡梦中尖叫着，然后喘着粗气，猛然醒来，呼吸不稳，眼神狂野，因为他不知道自己在哪里——甚至可能不知道他是谁。

Force, give him strength. This stranger felt like Anakin in the Force, he was seeing things Anakin saw. Obi-Wan had no idea why, no idea how that was even possible ...
力量，给他力量。这个陌生人感觉就像原力中的阿纳金，他看到了阿纳金看到的东西。欧比旺不知道为什么，甚至不知道这怎么可能......

He did what he had to do, offering compassion and comfort to the one in need, shielding himself from the memories swirling in the air. It was hard, but he couldn’t leave the boy to suffer alone.
他做了他必须做的事情，为有需要的人提供同情和安慰，保护自己免受空气中盘旋的回忆。这很艰难，但他不能让这个男孩独自受苦。

When Cal woke up, it was already past noon. His droid beeped excitedly and jumped on the bed, nudging his master’s cheek.
当卡尔醒来时，已经过了中午。他的机器人兴奋地发出哔哔声，跳上床，轻推着他主人的脸颊。

“Hi, BD,” young man quietly whispered, looking around, puzzled, as if trying to figure out where he was, and how he got there.
“嗨，BD，”年轻人轻声说，环顾四周，疑惑不解，似乎在想弄清楚他在哪里，以及他是怎么到那里的。

Obi-Wan met his gaze. He had been sitting across the room, legs crossed, arms resting on his knees.
欧比旺与他的目光相遇。他一直坐在房间的对面，双腿交叉，双臂放在膝盖上。

“Hello there.” he greeted his guest and Cal flinched.
“你好。”他向客人打招呼，卡尔畏缩了一下。

“Master Kenobi… I…”
“克诺比大人......I…”

“How do you feel?”
“你感觉如何？”

“I’m okay.”
“我没事。”

Obi-Wan smiled warmly, and stood up, but before he could take a step closer, Cal jumped to his feet, rummaging through his pockets under his poncho, and then, in swift, sudden movement, handed him — a piece of cotton cloth, beige in color, wrapped around something for protection, apparently —
欧比旺温暖地笑了笑，站了起来，但还没等他走近一步，卡尔就跳了起来，在他的雨披下的口袋里翻找，然后，迅速而突然地递给他——一块棉布，米色的，显然缠着什么东西来保护——

“Master Kenobi, please, take me as your Padawan!” Cal stared at him, arms outstretched, holding out this piece of fabric, for Obi-Wan to take.
“克诺比大人，求求你收我为你的爸爸！”卡尔盯着他，伸出双臂，拿出这块布料，让欧比旺拿走。

— it was a short Padawan braid, wrapped in what was once a Jedi tunic. Obi-Wan didn’t have to look to understand; he just knew what he would find should he take it.
——那是一条短的 Padawan 辫子，包裹在曾经的绝地束腰外衣中。欧比旺不必去看就能理解;他只知道如果他拿下它，他会找到什么。

“Doesn’t Master Junda... train you?”
“俊大人不是......训练你吗？

Cal lowered his eyes, his resolve crumbling under the question.
卡尔垂下眼睛，他的决心在这个问题下崩溃了。

“She did.”
“她做到了。”

“What happened? From what I gathered, you two got along well.”
“发生了什么事？从我收集到的信息来看，你们俩相处得很好。

“We did.”
“我们做到了。”

“I sense uncertainty in your voice.”
“我感觉到你声音中的不确定性。”

“She knighted me.”
“她封我为爵士。”

Obi-Wan… could partially relate. He remembered how Qui-Gon forced his trials upon him in the middle of a council meeting, and although it was almost about time he went through them, he still felt incredibly uneasy about the whole thing. He took a deep breath and gestured towards the table.
欧比旺...可能部分相关。他记得 Qui-Gon 是如何在议会会议中将他的试炼强加给他的，尽管他几乎该经历这些试炼了，但他仍然对整件事感到无比的不安。他深吸一口气，朝桌子做了个手势。

“Come, sit down. Let’s feed you first, then you’ll tell me why exactly you don’t trust Master Junda’s judgment of your abilities.”
“来，坐下。我们先喂你，然后你告诉我你为什么不相信俊大人对你能力的判断。

Cal hung his head and gripped the fabric in his hand tighter, as he silently obeyed, sat down, eyes still downcast. He weakly smiled, as Obi-Wan placed a glass of blue milk and a plate with a flatbread and ahrisa on it in front of him.
卡尔垂着头，手里的布料紧紧地握着，他默默地服从，坐了下来，眼睛仍然低垂着。他虚弱地笑了笑，欧比旺把一杯蓝色牛奶和一个盘子放在他面前，盘子上放着大饼和阿里萨。

“Eat up.”
“吃完。”

Cal nodded and started eating, glancing up at Obi-Wan from time to time, as if waiting for any signs of disapproval. There was a long silence before he finally started talking.
卡尔点点头，开始吃东西，不时抬头看一眼欧比旺，仿佛在等待任何不赞成的迹象。沉默了很久，他终于开始说话了。

Cal didn’t go into details, his phrasing concise, as he tried to only mention facts and not emotions. The story of his crash-landing on Bracca after his Master’s death during the Purge, five years in the Scrapper Guild, then an incident bringing him and Master Junda — Cere — together, then the quest to find a holocron.
卡尔没有详细说明，他的措辞简洁明了，因为他试图只提及事实而不是情感。他在大清洗期间师父去世后迫降在布拉卡的故事，在 Scrapper 公会工作了五年，然后是他和 Junda 大师 - Cere - 走到了一起的事件，然后是寻找全息仪的任务。

He stumbled when it came closer to his knighting. Tiptoed around the conversation which took place, torn between sharing what he’s been through and keeping his friend’s secrets.
当他接近他的爵位时，他跌跌撞撞。蹑手蹑脚地绕过正在进行的对话，在分享他的经历和保守他朋友的秘密之间左右为难。

“It’s enough, Cal. I see what you mean.” Obi-Wan didn’t want to torture the young man before him, so he let him keep it to himself. He could partially understand the logic behind Master Junda’s actions: there was a suiside mission ahead of them. Becoming a Knight might have boosted Cal’s confidence in the short-term, but now… well.
“够了，卡尔。我明白你的意思。欧比旺不想折磨眼前的年轻人，所以让他自己留着。他可以部分理解俊大人行动背后的逻辑：他们面前有一个 Suiside 任务。成为骑士可能在短期内增强了 Cal 的信心，但现在......井。

“In the Fortress, I met Anakin Skywalker.”
“在要塞，我遇到了阿纳金·天行者。”

Obi-Wan grimaced at the name, but didn’t interrupt.
欧比旺对这个名字做了个鬼脸，但没有打断。

“At some point during our fight, uhm, my and Cere’s escape , he accidentally touched me. My hand. He tried to grip my lightsaber, and… that’s how I knew about. Well. You. And who he is. Was. I lost my peace ever since.”
“在我们打架的某个时候，嗯，我和 Cere 逃跑了，他不小心碰到了我。我的手。他试图握住我的光剑，然后......我就是这样知道的。井。你。以及他是谁。是。从那以后我就失去了平静。

“Anakin tends to have that effect on people, yes,” there was a hint of a chuckle in Jedi Master’s voice, a hint, at which Cal couldn’t help, but feel even smaller and more helpless than before.
“阿纳金往往会对人产生这种影响，是的，”绝地大师的声音中带着一丝轻笑，这个暗示让卡尔忍不住，但觉得自己比以前更加渺小和无助。

“Yeah, I guess so. Well… miraculously, we’ve made it. Then, destroyed a holocron. Spent some time in space, then on Bogano, you know. Healing. Celebrating. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw…” Cal’s voice hitched, broke. His eyes fixed on the piece of beige fabric on the table. He took a slow, deep breath, trying to regain composure, and continued, voice quiet, almost a whisper. “...your lightsaber, felt the flames. And I did what Master Tapal told me. I trusted in the Force. And it led me here.”
“是的，我想是的。井。。。奇迹般地，我们成功了。然后，摧毁了一个全息仪。在太空中呆了一段时间，然后在 Bogano 上，你知道的。康复。庆祝。但每次我闭上眼睛，我都看到了......”卡尔的声音嘶哑，嘶哑。他的眼睛盯着桌上的那块米色布料。他缓缓地深吸一口气，试图恢复镇定，然后继续说道，声音很安静，几乎是耳语。“...你的光剑，感觉到了火焰。我按照塔帕尔大师的吩咐去做了。我相信原力。它把我带到了这里。

Obi-Wan stayed silent, looking at the young man before him with interest, but unsure of the Force’s intentions. It was clear, that it led Cal Kestis to him. Was he supposed to train this boy ? Was he allowed to train anybody after failing Anakin? Was this the Force’s way of offering him redemption?
欧比旺保持沉默，饶有兴趣地看着面前的年轻人，但不确定原力的意图。很明显，这让 Cal Kestis 找到了他。他应该训练这个男孩吗？阿纳金失败后，他被允许训练任何人吗？这是原力为他提供救赎的方式吗？

“I didn’t tell Cere why I wanted to find you. She doesn’t need to know, who…” Cal bit his lip, and then, finally, lifted his eyes to meet Obi-Wan’s. “I need your help, Master Kenobi. I can’t meditate, I can’t sleep, I can’t distance myself from it all. I don’t have the skills of a Jedi Knight. I might be physically fit, my lightsaber skills might be good, but… I’m no Jedi Knight, but I wish to become one, so I beg you. Please.”
“我没有告诉Cere我为什么想找到你。她不需要知道，谁......”卡尔咬了咬嘴唇，然后，终于抬起眼睛，与欧比旺的眼睛对视。“我需要你的帮助，克诺比大人。我不能冥想，我不能睡觉，我不能让自己远离这一切。我没有绝地武士的技能。我的身体可能很健康，我的光剑技能可能很好，但是......我不是绝地武士，但我希望成为一名绝地武士，所以我恳求你。拜托了。

In the silence that followed, one could even hear the sound of the sand shifting outside the hut and the howling of the wind from miles away. Cal looked at Obi-Wan with such hope in his eyes, that there was no way of refusing him; the Force swirled around them, bluish, transparent feel of it almost pushing Obi-Wan’s hand towards the folded beige fabric, and yet… he hesitated.
在随后的寂静中，人们甚至可以听到小屋外沙子移动的声音和数英里外的风呼啸声。卡尔看着欧比旺，眼中充满了希望，以至于没有办法拒绝他;原力在他们周围盘旋，蓝色、透明的感觉几乎将欧比旺的手推向折叠的米色布料，然而......他犹豫了。

It wasn’t a decision he could take lightly, after all. Training someone meant visiting the city more often, meant more attention, meant potential danger. And Cal wasn’t just any Jedi. He, of all things, got into the holocron mess. Ruined Vader’s plans on finding Force-sensitive children, so the Empire will look for him. Could Obi-Wan risk Luke’s safety, by accepting to train him? By allowing him to stay?
毕竟，这不是一个他可以轻易做出的决定。培训某人意味着更频繁地访问这座城市，意味着更多的关注，意味着潜在的危险。卡尔不仅仅是一个绝地武士。他，在所有事情中，都陷入了全息仪的混乱。破坏了维达寻找对原力敏感的孩子的计划，所以帝国会寻找他。欧比旺会不会冒着卢克的安全风险，接受训练他？允许他留下来？

Could he go against the will of the Force, could he leave this boy alone with his — Anakin’s! — nightmares?
他会不会违背原力的意愿，他会不会让这个男孩和他的——阿纳金的——单独在一起！— 噩梦？

He stood up, found himself at the crossroads the Force laid in front of him and stalled there.
他站起来，发现自己站在原力摆在他面前的十字路口，停在那里。

“I’m going to Mos Espa to get supplies. Are you going with me, or would you rather stay and rest?”
“我要去 Mos Espa 拿补给。你是跟我走，还是愿意留下来休息？

Notes:
笔记：

Poor Cal, he didn't get an answer! But worry not, things will get better <3
可怜的卡尔，他没有得到答案！但别担心，事情会好起来的 <3

Chapter 4: Cal Kestis
第 4 章：卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

Cal's brain is too tired to function in this chapter
卡尔的大脑太累了，无法在这一章中发挥作用

Chapter Text
章节正文

Cal didn’t know what he had expected. He understood that what he asked was a responsibility few could accept in a blink, and yet, he felt rejected. The Force swirled in the air, he could feel it, it reached out towards the other Jedi, who... ignored it. Pretended not to notice. Asked whether he would rather stay inside and sleep, or be back under the heat of the two suns. Another test, perhaps? If so, his resolve will not falter, but Force, he really needed rest .
卡尔不知道他所期待的是什么。他明白，他所要求的责任很少有人能在一瞬间接受，然而，他感到被拒绝了。原力在空中旋转，他能感觉到，它向另一个绝地武士伸出手，后者......忽略了它。假装没注意到。被问及他宁愿呆在屋里睡觉，还是回到两个太阳的炎热下。也许是另一个测试？如果是这样，他的决心不会动摇，但 Force，他真的需要休息。

He had enough time to think about whether or not to accept this invitation while staring in the mirror in the ‘fresher after taking a sonic shower. On the one hand, he looked exhausted. Prominent dark circles under his bloodshot eyes tempted him to stay; climb back into bed and curl under the blankets, close his eyes and just… slip into unconsciousness. For, perhaps, days, if that was possible. On the other hand… he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. That the nightmares — the Force-visions — won’t let him. And he didn’t want to be regarded as lazy, as someone who didn’t want to at least make an effort, or to offer to help, and thus…
他有足够的时间考虑是否接受这个邀请，同时在“洗完声波淋浴后”的清新期盯着镜子。一方面，他看起来筋疲力尽。他布满血丝的眼睛下突出的黑眼圈诱惑着他留下来;爬回床上，蜷缩在毯子下，闭上眼睛，然后......陷入昏迷。如果可能的话，也许可以几天。另一方面。。。他知道他无论如何都睡不着。那些噩梦——原力幻象——不会让他失望。他不想被视为懒惰，不想至少付出努力，也不想提供帮助，因此......

He quickly brushed his hair and dressed.
他迅速梳理了一下头发，穿好了衣服。

“Don't allow yourself to be weighed down by ego and pretense.” that’s what Master Tapal used to say, “Let go of what you fear to lose.”
“不要让自己被自我和伪装所压垮。”这就是塔帕尔大师曾经说过的话，“放下你害怕失去的东西。

Cal doubted that he had anything left, except the fading light of his Force, and that… he stubbornly refused to let that go.
卡尔怀疑他是否还剩下什么，除了他的力量逐渐消逝的光芒，而且......他顽固地拒绝放手。

His reflection gave him a wicked smile, green eyes glinted gold for just a fraction of a second, as it whispered:
他的倒影给了他一个邪恶的微笑，绿色的眼睛在几分之一秒内闪耀着金色的光芒，低声说：

“Let go.”
“放手。”

He blinked and turned away. A trip to Mos Espa sounded very nice indeed.
他眨了眨眼，转过身去。去 Mos Espa 旅行听起来确实很不错。

Master Kenobi waited for him at the same spot where he sat during their breakfast talk. In his stillness he resembled a statue; one of those on Zeffo, impeccable in their serenity and peace. There was beauty in this calm, which radiated off the Jedi’s presence, and Cal marvelled at how could one possibly be so —
克诺比大人在他早餐会上坐的地方等着他。在他的寂静中，他就像一尊雕像;Zeffo 上的那些人之一，他们的宁静与和平无可挑剔。这种平静中蕴含着美感，从绝地武士的光芒中散发出来，卡尔惊叹于一个人怎么可能如此——

Obi-Wan turned his head to face him, and the calm dissolved in the air, leaving behind no trace; the Force silent.
欧比旺转过头来面对他，平静在空气中消失了，没有留下任何痕迹;原力无声。

“What’s your decision, Cal?”
“你的决定是什么，卡尔？”

“I’m going with you. I’d be glad to help out.” Cal replied; fully conscious of his lie. It wasn’t about being helpful, no. He was afraid to be left alone, simple as that, and he was sure that Master Kenobi saw right through his lie; even so, the smile that Jedi Master gave him, was filled with kindness.
“我和你一起去。我很乐意帮忙。卡尔回答;完全意识到他的谎言。这不是为了提供帮助，不是。他害怕一个人呆着，就这么简单，而且他确信克诺比大人识破了他的谎言;即便如此，绝地大师给他的笑容，还是充满了善意。

Mos Espa was located just across the desert — the Dune Sea, Master Kenobi called it — and it seemed to be endless. Clouds of dust rose from underneath the speeder as it zoomed across the sands, and Cal was a bit surprised at how fast the Jedi Master’s driving was. He didn’t expect… something like that. Kept forgetting, that they have all been at war, have all been used to high speeds and quick paces. He sat quietly behind him, eyes closed, allowing himself to get what little rest he could, given that they had no conversation going on anyway. He was almost enjoying the feel of the hot air against his skin, as he reached out with the Force — there was nothing for miles, and miles, and miles, and miles, only sand, and Master Kenobi’s calm presence beside him.
莫斯埃斯帕位于沙漠对面——克诺比大师称之为沙丘海——它似乎是无尽的。当飞船在沙滩上飞驰时，尘土云从下方升起，卡尔对绝地大师的驾驶速度感到有些惊讶。他没想到......类似这样。他们一直忘记，他们都曾经历过战争，都已经习惯了高速和快速的步伐。他静静地坐在身后，闭着眼睛，让自己得到他能得到的一点休息，因为他们反正都没有交谈。当他伸出手时，他几乎享受着热空气拂过他皮肤的感觉——方圆几英里，几英里，再几英里，什么都没有，只有沙子，还有克诺比大人在他身边的平静存在。

The speeder came to an abrupt stop and Cal’s eyes flew open.
飞车突然停了下来，卡尔的眼睛猛地睁开了。

“That’s not Mos Espa.”
“那不是莫斯·埃斯帕。”

“You are quite observant, young one,” Obi-Wan laughed, as he hopped off the speeder, graceful, steps soft against the rocky ground. Cal followed him clumsily, almost tripped on the rocks; he was just so sleepy, didn’t even care to be embarrassed.
“你真善于观察，年轻人，”欧比旺笑着跳下飞船，优雅而柔软的脚步踩在岩石地面上。卡尔笨拙地跟在他后面，差点被岩石绊倒;他只是太困了，甚至不在乎尴尬。

A mountain range stretched before them, light sepias of the desert giving way to dark crimson browns; the looks of it almost resembled those of Dathomir. Almost made Cal shiver at the memory of Malicos.
一座山脉在他们面前延伸，沙漠的浅棕褐色让位于深深的深棕色;它的外观几乎与达索米尔的相似。这几乎让卡尔对马利科斯的回忆感到不寒而栗。

“Follow me!” Master Kenobi called cheerfully, as he oh-so-casually Force-jumped up a rock and continued upwards along a barely visible path, spring in his step.
“跟我来！”克诺比大师高兴地喊道，他噢——如此随意地——用力——跳上一块岩石，沿着一条几乎看不见的小路继续向上，脚步轻快。

Was he… genuinely happy to be here? If so, why? In the Force he was still calm, just like back in the desert, surely Cal was tired, but he couldn’t be imagining things to that extent . He sighed and followed along. Didn’t Force-jump. Climbed his way up. There was no point showing off, he reasoned, and he… truly, he wasn’t really adept at those types of acrobatics; if he needed to get somewhere, he’d rather climb than Force-fling himself to whatever destination.
他......真的很高兴来到这里吗？如果是这样，为什么？在原力中，他仍然很平静，就像回到沙漠中一样，卡尔肯定很累，但他无法想象到那种程度。他叹了口气，跟着走。没有强制跳跃。一路爬上去。炫耀没有意义，他想，然后他......确实，他并不是真正擅长这些类型的杂技;如果他需要去某个地方，他宁愿爬上去，也不愿强行把自己扔到任何目的地。

Obi-Wan took a sudden right turn and jumped down. Cal was careful to follow him. He looked around first: there was a rope hanging from above, he could probably climb back up, in case he needed it. It also wasn’t very far down. The cave before him wasn’t dark — it was more of a canyon, than a cave, to be fair, from where he stood he could see that this place was frequently visited — the remains of a campfire, several training remotes neatly sitting in a row near it. He didn’t know why he hesitated to follow, but after a moment, he went for a jump as well. Flashed a careful smile at Obi-Wan, almost waiting for an explanation.
欧比旺突然右转，跳了下来。卡尔小心翼翼地跟着他。他先环顾四周：上面挂着一根绳子，他也许可以爬上去，以备不时之需。它也不是很低。他面前的洞穴并不黑暗——它更像是一个峡谷，而不是一个洞穴，公平地说，从他所站的地方他可以看到这个地方经常被光顾——篝火的残骸，几个训练遥控器整齐地排成一排。他不知道为什么犹豫要不要跟上，但片刻之后，他也跳了起来。他对欧比旺小心翼翼地笑了笑，几乎是在等待解释。

“I trust you have your own lightsaber?” Jedi Master said, as he did some kind of an odd movement with his shoulders — the brown cloak he was wearing fell to the ground — and he stood there, ‘saber in hand, eyes glinting in the light of two suns.
“我相信你有自己的光剑？”绝地大师说着，他用肩膀做了某种奇怪的动作——他身上的棕色斗篷掉在了地上——他站在那里，手里拿着军刀，眼睛在两个太阳的光芒下闪闪发光。

That was just so extra , why do that when he could have taken the cloak off in a much less striking manner, that for a moment Cal just stood there, dumbfounded by this slip of personality over the serene facade of the Jedi, before the realization of what exactly was happening slowly caught up to him.
这实在是太额外了，当他本可以以一种不那么引人注目的方式脱下斗篷时，为什么还要这样做呢，以至于卡尔只是站在那里，被绝地武士宁静外表上的这种性格滑落弄得目瞪口呆，然后才意识到到底发生了什么慢慢地赶上了他。

“Is that a test, Master Kenobi?”, he asked, before reaching for his own lightsaber hilt and fiddling with controls, tuning it down to training mode.
“那是测试吗，克诺比大人？”他问道，然后伸手拿起自己的光剑剑柄，摆弄着控制装置，将其调低到训练模式。

“Only if you want it to be.”
“除非你愿意。”

So, it was a test.
所以，这是一次测试。

Cal took a deep breath and tried to focus, as he heard the sound of the lightsaber ignition. The color was the same one he saw in his nightmares, blue. Much richer blue, than his almost white pale-cyan.
卡尔深吸一口气，试图集中注意力，这时他听到了光剑点火的声音。那颜色和他在噩梦中看到的一样，蓝色。比他几乎是白色的淡青色要浓郁得多。

“A double-bladed one? Interesting choice.” came the remark, as Cal ignited his own weapon.
“双刃的？有趣的选择。“这句话传来，卡尔点燃了自己的武器。

Not fighting for his life should have been a nice change of pace, but it wasn’t. He didn’t feel at ease, not at all. Surely it wasn’t his life at stake, but now he felt that the outcome of this sparring was about to decide his fate. He wasn’t expecting to win this , no, he knew too well that he was fighting a former general; a Jedi Master, a Council member, but he thought…
不为自己的生命而战本来应该是一个很好的节奏改变，但事实并非如此。他感到不自在，一点也不。当然，这并不是他的生命受到威胁，但现在他觉得这场对决的结果即将决定他的命运。他没想到会赢这场比赛，不，他太清楚自己在与一位前将军作战了;一个绝地大师，一个议会成员，但他想......

He fought Malicos on Dathomir. The Ninth Sister, and then, Trilla, their power amplified by the Dark side of the Force. He was confident that he was no weakling, but…
他在达索米尔与马利科斯作战。九姐，然后是特里拉，她们的力量被原力的黑暗面放大了。他自信自己不是弱者，但是......

Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t look as intimidating as other opponents Cal has faced. There was a moment, several seconds where he stood perfectly still, his left hand stretched forward, as if feeling the Force in front of him, lips quirked upwards in a sort of almost playful smile. He let Cal have the first move. It was deflected with ease, just as almost playfully, and then, there was not a fraction of a second when Obi-Wan stood still anymore, as Cal tried to get to his defences, with no luck — not even close, not even even a mile close to doing so.
欧比旺·克诺比看起来并不像卡尔面对的其他对手那样令人生畏。有那么一刻，几秒钟，他完全静止地站着，他的左手向前伸出，仿佛感受到了眼前的原力，嘴唇上扬，露出一种近乎俏皮的微笑。他让卡尔先行一步。球轻松地偏转了，几乎是顽皮地，然后，当卡尔试图接近他的防御时，欧比旺没有一秒钟就站住了，但没有运气——甚至没有接近，甚至没有一英里接近。

The duel kept on going, stretched, as Master Kenobi waltzed away from his attacks, dodged Force-pushes and used Cal’s Force-pulls to his advantage, never once breaking eye-contact, kept his distance for which seemed to Cal like hours. He was sweating, tired already, almost angry — at himself, for not doing better, and in general, because it was taking just so long , this pitch-perfect Soresu, wearing him down exactly like it should have — but remained calm. Concentrated.
决斗继续进行，拉长了时间，因为克诺比大师跳着华尔兹舞，躲避了原力推搡，并利用卡尔的原力拉扯来发挥自己的优势，从未中断过眼神交流，保持着距离，在卡尔看来就像几个小时。他满头大汗，已经累了，几乎要生气了——对自己，因为没有做得更好，总的来说，因为花了这么长时间，这个完美的 Soresu，完全按照应该的方式让他疲惫不堪——但他保持冷静。集中。

And then, Obi-Wan turned offencive.
然后，欧比旺变得冒犯了。

And that was intense .
那是强烈的。

Cal didn’t even have time to blink — Kenobi sprung up, ended up behind him, circled him and in a single swift movement — he was cornered, a blade of blue light stopped an inch from his neck.
卡尔甚至来不及眨眼——克诺比跳了起来，落在他身后，绕着他转了一圈——他被逼到了绝境，一把蓝光的刀子在他的脖子上停了下来。

“I failed,” Cal muttered sadly.
“我失败了，”卡尔悲伤地咕哝道。

“Did you?”
“是吗？”

“Were it a real battle, I would have been dead, so, yeah. I did.”
“如果这是一场真正的战斗，我早就死了，所以，是的。我做到了。

Obi-Wan lowered his lightsaber and gave Cal a disapproving glance, but the reason behind it remained a mystery.
欧比旺放下了他的光剑，不赞成地看了卡尔一眼，但背后的原因仍然是个谜。

“Can we try again?”
“我们可以再试一次吗？”

“If you wish so, young one.”
“如果你愿意的话，年轻人。”

The result that try yielded was, in essence, the same. Cal found himself at his back, on the ground, his ‘saber somewhere far out of reach. Kind eyes looked at him with compassion and sympathy, as a blade of bright blue light pointed at his chest.
尝试产生的结果本质上是相同的。卡尔发现自己躺在他的背上，躺在地上，他的“军刀”在遥不可及的地方。善良的眼睛以同情和同情的眼神看着他，就像一把明亮的蓝光刀指向他的胸口。

“Again!” Cal called, as he jumped to his feet, desperate for yet another chance.
“再来一次！”卡尔喊道，他跳起来，急切地期待着下一次机会。

Master Kenobi’s lightsaber never once even grazed his skin, always stopped an inch away, and a remark came: “you lost an arm here”, “that would have hurt”, “definitely should have blocked that”, which spoke volumes of just how much control he had over his actions, despite how quick and intense they seemed. Cal couldn’t even begin to understand what it took — to be so perfect. Time and time again he was cornered, only to get up again, to overcome the pain in his muscles, the exhausted feeling and the trembling of his hands.
克诺比大师的光剑甚至从来没有擦过他的皮肤，总是停在一英寸远的地方，然后一句话传来：“你在这里失去了一只手臂”，“那会很痛”，“绝对应该挡住它”，这充分说明了他对自己的行为有多么大的控制力，尽管它们看起来是多么快速和激烈。卡尔甚至无法开始理解需要什么——才能如此完美。他一次又一次地走投无路，只是为了再次站起来，克服肌肉的疼痛、疲惫的感觉和双手的颤抖。

His breath was ragged, it almost hurt. His hands trembled, as he clutched his lightsaber tighter.
他的呼吸急促，几乎要疼了。他的手颤抖着，把他的光剑攥得更紧了。

“Cal, maybe, it’s enough ?” Obi-Wan’s voice was even, steady. Something inside Cal found this almost mocking him.
“卡尔，也许，这就够了？”欧比旺的声音平和而稳定。卡尔内心深处的某个东西发现这几乎是在嘲笑他。

“No, Master. Again! ”
“不，师父。再！”

Now there was anger burning inside him, as he blocked the first strike and pushed forward, the Force showing him what was to happen seconds before it did, he could rely on that, sure, but he wasn’t quick enough to react, wasn’t quick enough to parry, wasn’t good enough…
现在他内心燃烧着怒火，当他挡住了第一击并向前推进时，原力在几秒钟前就向他展示了将要发生的事情，他可以依靠这一点，当然，但他反应不够快，招架不够快，不够好......

It didn’t matter how hard he tried.
他怎么努力都没关系。

Or how many times.
或者说有多少次。

He would never pass that test.
他永远无法通过那个测试。

It had been his only hope to survive. To stop the torture his life now was, to learn how to block the past from his mind. He will have to give up on that. Leave. What choice did he have, now, other than that? He knew exactly where the terror and fear would lead him.
这是他唯一的生存希望。为了停止他现在的生活所受的折磨，学习如何从他的脑海中屏蔽过去。他将不得不放弃这一点。离开。除了这些，他现在还有什么选择呢？他清楚地知道恐惧和恐惧会把他引向何方。

— his light would fade and he — he would find himself in the darkness, unable to run, unable to find his light, unable to do anything at the presence of the demon who once shined so brightly… but. This demon wouldn't hurt him, oh no-no-no , because… because he could bring him something far more valuable than force-sensitive children. His former Master, wouldn’t that be just a perfect turn of events? And he would show this Jedi what it was like — this feeling, this weakness, this desperation, this terror of being not good enough — and he would scream his name, beg him to stop, because the Inquisitors knew their way around torture, and the blue of his Force will bleed into red —
— 他的光芒会消逝，他 — 他会发现自己在黑暗中，无法逃跑，无法找到他的光芒，在那个曾经如此耀眼的恶魔面前，他什么也做不了......但。这个恶魔不会伤害他，哦不，因为......因为他可以给他带来比对原力敏感的孩子更有价值的东西。他的前师父，那不就是个完美的转折吗？他会向这个绝地武士展示那是什么感觉——这种感觉，这种软弱，这种绝望，这种不够好的恐惧——他会大喊他的名字，恳求他停下来，因为审判官知道他们绕过酷刑的方法，他原力的蓝色会渗入红色——

“Cal! Cal, are you alright?”
“卡尔！卡尔，你还好吗？

He blinked.
他眨了眨眼。

“Yeah. Sorry.”
“是的。对不起。

He wasn’t alright, not at all. He dropped his lightsaber, when the Force-vision overtook him, he was physically shaking and what was worse, so much worse, he knew that he had failed . Not only in combat, but emotionally. Let fear take the best of him.
他没事，一点也不好。他放下了光剑，当原力视觉追上他时，他的身体在颤抖，更糟糕的是，更糟糕的是，他知道自己失败了。不仅在战斗中，而且在情感上。让恐惧占据他最好的一面。

Eyes downcast, he picked up his weapon from the ground and secured it on his belt. Obi-Wan, in turn, picked up his cloak from where he left it and also grabbed a training remote. (Cal didn’t know why he would need to take it from here. Did he plan on selling it in Mos Espa?)
他垂着眼睛，从地上捡起武器，系在腰带上。反过来，欧比旺从他离开的地方捡起了他的斗篷，还拿起了一个训练遥控器。（卡尔不知道为什么他需要从这里拿走它。他打算在 Mos Espa 出售它吗？

They made it all the way back to the speeder in silence.
他们一路沉默地回到了飞车旁。

“Stop overthinking it, Cal. From what I can say, you did great.”
“别想太多了，卡尔。据我所知，你做得很好。

Cal didn’t believe it, but felt too tired to argue. He had to think of a way to get out of the planet once Master Kenobi informed him of his decision not to accept him as a padawan. How foolish of him was to hope —
卡尔不相信，但觉得太累了，无法争论。一旦克诺比大师告诉他他决定不接受他作为学徒，他就不得不想办法离开这个星球。他多么愚蠢地希望——

It took some time to get to Mos Espa, but they were finally there. The market was vast, it stretched across the streets of the space-port like a lichen, aliens haggling over spare parts, spices, food — even slaves , but Cal tried not to notice that. He was almost a slave himself once, on Bracca, a branding tattoo still on his arm, will never come off, not that he ever tried to remove it. Perhaps, that was all he was worth, after all. All he was good at — oh Force , what was he to do?
我们花了一些时间才到达 Mos Espa，但他们终于到了。市场很大，它像地衣一样横跨太空港的街道，外星人为备件、香料、食物——甚至奴隶——讨价还价，但卡尔尽量不注意到这一点。他自己也曾经几乎是一个奴隶，在布拉卡，他的手臂上还有一个烙印纹身，永远不会脱落，更不用说他曾经试图去除它。也许，这就是他的全部价值。他只擅长——哦，原力，他该怎么办？

He followed Obi-Wan silently, only half-noticing that he was getting more and more things on his hands — spare parts, then a set of tableware, some dried bantha meat, a packet of powdered milk, a bedroll and spare blanket. Their last stop was a jewellery trader; the most intricately braided chains of all shapes and sizes gleamed in the sunlight, all the colors of gold and silver. There were beads too, made from gemstones, blue, purple, yellow, red — any colour, really.
他默默地跟着欧比旺，只是半知半醒地注意到他手上的东西越来越多——备件，然后是一套餐具、一些班塔干肉、一包奶粉、一张床卷和备用毯子。他们的最后一站是一家珠宝商;各种形状和大小最复杂的编织链在阳光下闪闪发光，各种颜色的金色和银色。还有珠子，由宝石制成，蓝色、紫色、黄色、红色——任何颜色，真的。

Master Kenobi studied the selection for a long time, longer, than he had when choosing anything else they’ve been after, before settling on one diamond-shaped bead — it was a tame color, very unsaturated green. The trader named a price, and there wasn’t any haggling after that, although Cal could easily tell that the bead was far, far overpriced.
克诺比大师研究了这个选择很长时间，比他选择任何其他东西时都要长，然后才确定了一个菱形珠子——这是一种温和的颜色，非常不饱和的绿色。商人说出了一个价格，之后就没有任何讨价还价了，尽管 Cal 很容易看出这颗珠子的价格高得多。

Still, he failed to care.
尽管如此，他并没有在意。

“This is goodbye, then,” he said softly as he helped Obi-Wan to place the purchases on the speeder.
“那么，这是再见，”他轻声说，同时帮助欧比旺将购买的东西放在飞船上。

That got him a very questioning look.
这让他投来了非常质疑的眼神。

“Well, I’ve clearly failed your test. You aren’t taking me as your…” Cal looked around, understanding that he had to be careful with words “...apprentice, that much I gathered from today. And if I stay, I will only bring you more trouble.”
“嗯，我显然没有通过你的测试。你不会把我当作你的......”卡尔环顾四周，明白他必须小心措辞，“......学徒，我从今天收集了这么多。如果我留下来，只会给你带来更多的麻烦。

He felt a knot tighten inside his chest, his eyes almost hurting with tears, but none fell. It was the end of his journey, and now, his only path was to run. He will find a ship, he will run as far away from the people he knows, from the Empire… to the place as far away as he can find. And he will never stop, never. He will run until he can’t anymore, and he… he won’t let the darkness catch up. He’d rather die than risk becoming what the Force had shown him today.
他感到胸口打了个结，他的眼睛几乎被泪水刺痛，但没有一个掉下来。这是他旅程的终点，现在，他唯一的路就是逃跑。他会找到一艘船，他会逃离他认识的人，远离帝国......到他能找到的最远的地方。他永远不会停止，永远不会。他会一直跑到再也跑不下去了，而且他......他不会让黑暗赶上来。他宁愿死，也不愿冒险成为原力今天向他展示的样子。

“I haven’t rejected you, Cal Kestis. And I don’t think I’ve done anything that would have shown otherwise.”
“我没有拒绝你，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯。而且我认为我没有做任何本来可以证明的事情。

For some reason Cal was afraid to look up. Afraid, that his ears deceived him. That he, perhaps, has misinterpreted. Hope wasn’t something that he could afford, not really, not now, when…
不知为何，卡尔不敢抬头。害怕他的耳朵欺骗了他。也许他误解了。希望不是他能负担得起的，不是真的，不是现在，当......

“I will train you.”
“我会训练你。”

He felt Obi-Wan’s hand on his, the gentle touch soft and comforting against his skin.
他感觉到欧比旺的手在他的手上，温柔的触感在他的皮肤上柔软而舒适。

“Come now, padawan.”
“来吧，学徒。”

Chapter 5: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 5 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

OMG guys, when I first started writing this, I never expected the amount of positive feedback I'd get (I expected, like, zero views), espesially considering that this is, what, rare pair 2020? lol, it's still the only fic in the tag!
天哪，当我第一次开始写这篇文章时，我从没想过我会得到这么多的积极反馈（我预计，大约，零浏览量），尤其是考虑到这是，什么，稀有的 2020 年配对？哈哈，它仍然是标签中唯一的 FIC！

AND I've found an amazing ugh, variation, I guess, on the music in the title, so if you want, you can check it out.
而且我在标题中的音乐上发现了一个惊人的呃，我猜是变化，所以如果你愿意，你可以看看。

https://youtu.be/un8SQeq_1_Y

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

His Padawan cried all the way back across the Dune Sea. The speeder’s engine roar somehow muffled his weepings, but nothing could have been done with the tears making their way through the layers of fabric on his shoulder, where Cal chose to bury his face.
他的学徒一路哭泣着穿过沙丘海。飞车的引擎轰鸣声不知何故掩盖了他的哭泣，但眼泪穿过他肩膀上的一层层织物，卡尔选择把脸埋在那里，什么也做不了。

In a way, Obi-Wan had no idea what to do in a situation, such as this. Were Cal a child, he would have offered him comfort; a hug, perhaps, and then a lecture about the nature of emotions and the ways to deal with them. A guided meditation, perhaps — but Cal wasn’t a child. He looked around twenty years old, maybe even younger than that, although Obi-Wan didn’t want to think in that direction, and by that age Jedi were supposed to be able to keep their emotions in check —
在某种程度上，欧比旺不知道在这样的情况下该怎么办。如果卡尔还是个孩子，他会给他安慰;也许是一个拥抱，然后是关于情绪的本质和处理情绪的方法的讲座。也许是一次有指导的冥想——但卡尔不是个孩子。他看起来大约二十岁，甚至可能比那更年轻，尽管欧比旺不想朝那个方向思考，到了那个年龄，绝地武士应该能够控制住自己的情绪——

— but it wasn’t the slip of emotion that was so overwhelming. Anakin gave him a fair share of that at the time.
——但并不是情绪的滑落如此压倒性。当时，阿纳金给了他相当多的份额。

It was the emotion itself. As Cal Kestis started crying, his mental shields slipped; the stress finally caught up with him, perhaps, as they got on the speeder and left the city, there was nothing left of them now, and his every thought was left on the surface.
而是情感本身。当 Cal Kestis 开始哭泣时，他的心理盾牌滑落了;压力终于赶上了他，也许，当他们坐上飞车离开城市时，他们现在已经什么都没有了，他的每一个想法都浮在了表面。

Obi-Wan has never felt such gratitude from anyone; it felt like there was enough to fill the universe with it. And if at first he thought about stopping and having a talk with him, preaching about the Code and the Jedi Way, that thought was now long gone; he will let Cal have his moment, because there was no darkness in his tears, only purity and endless devotion. He wrapped his Force around the boy securely; held him.
欧比旺从未从任何人那里感受到过这样的感激;感觉就像有足够的东西来填满宇宙。如果一开始他想停下来和他谈谈，宣讲法典和绝地之道，那么这个想法现在早就消失了;他会让卡尔享受他的时刻，因为他的眼泪中没有黑暗，只有纯洁和无尽的奉献。他把自己的原力牢牢地缠住了这个男孩;抱着他。

He could almost see his own reflection in Cal Kestis now, of his own happiness at the realisation of finally being chosen by his own Master — even though their stories weren’t the same at all.
他现在几乎可以在卡尔·凯斯蒂斯身上看到自己的倒影，看到自己意识到终于被自己的师父选中时的快乐——尽管他们的故事根本不一样。

Dusk was falling rapidly, as they made their way through the desert, merely making it in time before dark finally settled above the sands.
黄昏迅速降临，他们穿过沙漠，只是在天黑最终降临在沙滩上之前及时到达。

Obi-Wan had hoped that Cal would have calmed by now, but alas; the boy did make the effort to stifle his sobs, yet to no avail: his whole body trembled as he stumbled off the speeder and tried to… regain control over overflowing emotions, leaning against the wall for support. Obi-Wan touched the fabric of the tunic on his shoulder, where Cal’s face rested a minute ago; it was soaked through with tears, warm against his skin. He watched the boy failing to gather himself together, watched him slowly sinking to the sands, tormented with emotion, unable to rule it in, despite it being made of light itself, it seemed.
欧比旺曾希望卡尔现在能冷静下来，但唉;男孩确实努力压制住自己的啜泣，但无济于事：当他从飞车上跌跌撞撞地滑下来并试图......重新控制溢出的情绪，靠在墙上寻求支持。欧比旺摸了摸他肩膀上的外衣布料，一分钟前卡尔的脸还躺在那里;它被泪水浸透，温暖地贴在他的皮肤上。他看着这个男孩没能振作起来，看着他慢慢沉入沙地，被情感折磨着，尽管它本身似乎是由光构成的，但他无法控制它。

The wind hummed far away, sang a chant which sounded almost like a warning to those who cared enough to listen — a storm was coming, and perhaps, this was also a reason behind his — now his — Padawan’s inability to calm down. For a second, he considered whether it would be better to leave their things on the speeder as they were and clean the sand off them tomorrow, but then… Cal will have to sleep somewhere, and eat something, and there was no guessing how long the storm would last, so —
风在远处嗡嗡作响，唱着吟唱，听起来几乎像是在警告那些足够关心倾听的人——一场暴风雨即将来临，也许，这也是他——现在是他的——Padawan 无法冷静下来的一个原因。有那么一瞬间，他考虑了是否把他们的东西原样留在飞船上，明天再把沙子清理干净，但接下来......卡尔得找个地方睡觉，吃点东西，而且谁也猜不出这场暴风雨会持续多久，所以——

He quickly carried everything inside, while still keeping an eye on Cal, before — finally , because the howling of the wind was indeed getting louder, and the sandstorm closer —
他迅速把所有东西都搬进去，同时仍然盯着卡尔，在——终于，因为风的呼啸确实越来越大，沙尘暴越来越近——

“Cal, look at me. It’s alright, let’s go,” words laced with the Force, and it wouldn’t have had any effect, if Cal’s mind wasn’t so open now, so vulnerable. There were no shields, no defences — nothing, just as if they had never been there; just as if it was not a twenty-year-old Jedi in front of him, but a youngling, a child, just brought to the temple.
“卡尔，看着我。没事，我们走吧，“这句话中夹杂着原力，如果卡尔的心现在不是那么开放，那么脆弱，它不会有任何效果。没有盾牌，没有防御——什么都没有，就好像他们从来没有出现过一样;仿佛眼前的不是二十岁的绝地武士，而是一个年轻人，一个孩子，刚刚被带到了神殿。

He helped Cal to get to his feet and lead him inside. He looked at him, his red face and swollen eyes, trembling shoulders, almost choking on his weepings. He kneeled before the boy, and took his ungloved hand.
他帮助卡尔站起来，带他进去。他看着他，红红的脸和肿胀的眼睛，颤抖的肩膀，几乎要被他的哭泣呛住。他跪在男孩面前，握住了他没戴手套的手。

“Meditate with me.”
“跟我一起冥想。”

Cal nodded and practically fell beside him, arms outstretched in an almost pleading gesture.
卡尔点点头，几乎倒在了他身边，伸出双臂，做出一种近乎恳求的姿态。

Deep breath in, then, seconds later, deep breath out. It was easy for Obi-Wan to clear his mind and slip into meditation, feel another’s Force beside him, the rough, tangled feel of it, as he crossed over where his mind ended and his Padawan’s began.
深吸一口气，然后，几秒钟后，深吸一口气。欧比旺很容易就能清醒思绪，进入冥想，感受身边另一个人的力量，那种粗糙、纠结的感觉，当他越过他的思想结束的地方和他的学徒开始的地方时。

It was like bathing in light; light so bright it hurt to look at. Joy so intense, so overwhelming it was torture. It was as if something inside Cal broke, shattered like a crystal, yet it wasn’t impossible to put the pieces back together. Obi-Wan was doing it alone at first, almost painfully aware of how uneven the boy’s breath was, but then Cal managed to find his way around the vast, blinding, endless white.
这就像沐浴在光中;光线如此明亮，看着很痛。喜悦如此强烈，如此压倒性，简直是一种折磨。就好像 Cal 内心有什么东西坏了，像水晶一样碎了，但要把这些碎片重新拼凑起来也不是不可能的。起初，欧比旺是一个人在做这件事，他几乎痛苦地意识到这个男孩的呼吸有多么不均匀，但后来卡尔设法在广阔、令人眼花缭乱、无尽的白色中找到了自己的路。

His breath evened out gradually, and with it, the blinding light slowly gave way to formless grays and subtle blues, leaving only hints of colors and emotions; there was, finally, peace.
他的呼吸逐渐趋于平稳，随之而来的是刺眼的光芒慢慢地让位于无形的灰色和微妙的蓝色，只留下一丝色彩和情感;终于，和平来了。

In peace, they sat for some more time, and Obi-Wan could feel Cal’s steady pulse, hear the sound of his now quiet and steady breathing, and the storm raging outside — humming — singing them a lullaby.
他们平静地多坐了一会儿，欧比旺能感觉到卡尔稳定的脉搏，听到他现在安静而稳定的呼吸声，以及外面肆虐的暴风雨——嗡嗡作响——为他们唱起了摇篮曲。

When he opened his eyes, Cal had already been looking at him.
当他睁开眼睛时，卡尔已经看着他。

“Thank you, Master Kenobi,” he whispered with a shy smile, before standing up, movements unsure, as if wanting to ask about something, yet ever so hesitant.
“谢谢你，克诺比大人，”他害羞地笑着低声说，然后站起来，动作不确定，似乎想问什么，但又如此犹豫。

Obi-Wan, in turn, had his own questions.
反过来，欧比旺也有他自己的问题。

“Tell me, Cal, would you like to continue your training, or start it anew? I’m fine with either choice you make,” he asked, as he got up as well, starting sorting through the things they got at the market. Cal was at his side instantly — to offer his help, although little was required.
“告诉我，卡尔，你是想继续你的训练，还是重新开始？我对你所做的任何选择都没意见，“他问道，同时他也站起来，开始整理他们在市场上买到的东西。卡尔立即出现在他身边——提供帮助，尽管要求不高。

“I would like to honour the training I did with Master Tapal, to continue it, if you’d allow” his voice was careful, but firm.
“我想尊重我和塔帕尔大师一起做的训练，如果你允许的话，继续下去”他的声音小心翼翼，但坚定。

“Give me your braid and sit down.”
“把你的辫子给我，坐下。”

The faded fabric of a Jedi tunic was warm against his hand, the feel of it electrifying, as the Force swirled around, its intention now almost too clear. Inside the fabric was a braid. A short one, matted with time, hair so, so soft. It was cut at an angle, seemingly in a hurry — no wonder, given the circumstances Cal was in. It seemed only fitting to unplait it with as much care as possible.
褪色的绝地外衣布料在他的手上很温暖，当原力旋转时，它的感觉令人振奋，它的意图现在几乎太清楚了。布料里面是一条辫子。一个短的，随着时间的流逝而蓬松，头发如此柔软。它被剪成一个角度，似乎很匆忙——考虑到 Cal 所处的环境，这不足为奇。似乎只适合尽可能小心地解开它。

He took a comb and brushed through his Padawan’s hair; Cal tilted his head slightly, eyes fluttering shut, breath held, if only for a second. His lips moved, as if trying to form words, but none eventually came and he stilled. Calm. Quiet. Content with what was happening, as Obi-Wan carefully braided his hair, tightly weaving what was left of an old Padawan braid onto them, Force intertwining between the strands.
他拿起一把梳子，拂过他爸爸的头发;卡尔微微歪着头，双眼颤抖着闭上，屏住呼吸，哪怕只有一秒钟。他的嘴唇动了动，仿佛试图形成词语，但最终没有说出来，他安静了下来。平静。安静。欧比旺对所发生的事情感到满意，小心翼翼地编着他的头发，将一条旧学徒辫子的残余部分紧紧地编织在上面，力量在发丝之间交织在一起。

It felt right. Right to the point that Obi-Wan knew — should he release his hold on the braid now, run a comb through Cal’s hair again, the strands on his temple would be long, as if never severed — the Force’s way of showing its will.
感觉很对。就在欧比旺知道的地步上——如果他现在松开对辫子的抓握，再次用梳子梳理卡尔的头发，他太阳穴上的发丝就会很长，就像从未被切断一样——这是原力表达其意愿的方式。

A faded-green bead caught light reflected from the glossy cerulean tableware and sparkled in the dusky undertones of the nightfall; it looked so fitting against pale skin of Cal’s neck just under his ear, as if it was meant to be there, as if — as if it has always been. Cal’s hair wasn’t long enough to make a ponytail; so there wasn’t much to do after the braid was finished, and Obi-Wan gently ran his fingers through his Padawan’s hair — gesture affectionate and warm.
一颗褪色的绿色珠子从光滑的天蓝色餐具上反射出来，在夜幕降临的昏暗色调中闪闪发光;它与卡尔脖子上苍白的皮肤相映成趣，就在他耳下，仿佛它注定就在那里，仿佛——仿佛它一直都在。卡尔的头发不够长，无法扎成马尾辫;所以编完辫子后就没什么可做的了，欧比旺用手指轻轻地抚摸着他爸爸的头发——姿态深情而温暖。

They meditated again after that, several hours into the night, as the humm of the storm outside gradually fell silent. Until there was no emotion left, only peace, serenity and harmony, until Cal’s presence in the Force wasn’t the blue of Anakin Skywalker, but more of his own whitish cyan; like the rivers of Alderaan, freshwaters of the sacred springs, transparent, reflecting light in a way no jewel ever could.
在那之后，他们再次冥想，直到深夜的几个小时后，外面的暴风雨的嗡嗡声逐渐安静下来。直到没有情感，只有和平、宁静与和谐，直到卡尔在原力中的出现不是阿纳金·天行者的蓝色，而是他自己的白色青色;就像奥尔德兰的河流，圣泉的淡水，透明，以任何宝石都无法做到的方式反射光线。

Their minds were still brushing against each other as they sorted through the things they brought from Mos Espa, in complete silence, and Obi-Wan could practically feel his Padawan’s smile.
他们的思绪仍然在相互摩擦，在完全的沉默中整理着他们从莫斯埃斯帕带来的东西，欧比旺几乎能感受到他爸爸的微笑。

“You need to rest,” he told Cal fondly, before gesturing to the bedroll and a pillow. They still needed to find a spot for all this, even temporary one — Cal didn’t seem to see the problem, as he spread the mattress on the floor, near the front door, and tossed the pillow on top of it.
“你需要休息，”他深情地对卡尔说，然后指了指床单和枕头。他们仍然需要为这一切找到一个地方，即使是临时的——卡尔似乎没有看到问题所在，他把床垫铺在靠近前门的地板上，把枕头扔在上面。

Well, that solved it; although Obi-Wan would have never suggested this spot for someone to sleep onto; found it a little — almost on verge of an insult — uncivilized, and was he to suggest a spot, he would, perhaps, have moved the table. Well, they will have plenty of time to do it now, that Cal stayed.
嗯，这解决了;尽管欧比旺永远不会建议有人睡在这个地方;觉得这有点——几乎是侮辱的边缘——不文明，如果他建议一个地方，他也许会把桌子换掉。好吧，他们现在有足够的时间来做这件事，因为 Cal 留下来了。

That night he dreamt of Mustafar again; but there was no duel there. Instead, he fought dosens stormtroopers there; cut his way through, pushed groups of them into rivers of lava, as his mind sang a song he didn’t recognize to muffle their screams of agony and fear; their taunts, for which he sometimes fell. Then, he wandered around the empty wasteland, chasing something. A vision, a feeling — an echo in the Force, and his soul hurt at not understanding where to go next — and then he found it, and then — he was standing at the platform and staring — the blinding bright-blue of his own lightsaber, and he — no, Anakin, don’t! — leaps forward, and then the pain and he drops down, and then…
那天晚上，他又梦到了穆斯塔法;但那里没有决斗。相反，他在那里与 dosens 冲锋队作战;他切开了一条路，将他们成群结队地推入熔岩河中，他的心灵吟唱着一首他不认识的歌，以掩盖他们痛苦和恐惧的尖叫;他们的嘲讽，他有时会为此而堕落。然后，他在空旷的荒原上徘徊，追逐着什么。一个幻象，一种感觉——原力中的回声，他的灵魂因为不知道下一步该去哪里而感到痛苦——然后他找到了——然后——他站在平台上，盯着——他自己的光剑那刺眼的亮蓝色光芒，而他——不，阿纳金，不要！——向前一跃，然后疼痛，他倒下了，然后......

He sees his own face, twisted with emotion which no Jedi should ever experience.
他看到了自己的脸，被任何绝地武士都不应该经历的情感扭曲。

“I hate you!”
“我恨你！”

He jerked awake, from a nightmare that wasn’t entirely his own, and looked around, only to find Qui-Gon standing in the middle of the room, eyes distant, just as always, but looking directly at Cal, tossing and turning in his sleep, blanket gripped in his fists so tightly one could hear the sound of fabric ripping.
他从一场不完全属于他的噩梦中猛然醒来，环顾四周，却发现Qui-Gon站在房间中央，一如既往地恍惚着，但直视着Cal，在睡梦中辗转反侧，毯子紧紧地握在拳头上，以至于能听到布料撕裂的声音。

“I see you’ve picked up a pathetic lifeform,” Qui-Gon said, and Obi-Wan was already opening his mouth to argue that Cal wasn’t pathetic when he recognized his own line.
“我看到你捡到了一个可怜的生命形式，”Qui-Gon 说，而 Obi-Wan 已经张开嘴争辩说，当 Cal 认出自己的血统时，他并不可怜。

He slowly exhaled and looked up at his Master. Calmly.
他缓缓地呼出一口气，抬头看着他的师父。冷静。

“It was the Force’s will.”
“这是原力的意愿。”

“So I see.”
“原来如此。”

Both stayed silent for a long moment before Obi-Wan decided to speak again.
两人都沉默了很长一段时间，直到欧比旺决定再次说话。

“He’s projecting it, isn’t he? This dream I had, was his.”
“他在投射它，不是吗？我做的这个梦，就是他的。

“Quite so. But it’s more of a memory, than a dream; laced with the Force. I would have called it a prophecy, were it not about things bygone.”
“确实如此。但这更像是一段回忆，而不是一场梦;与原力相伴。如果不是关于过去的事情，我会称它为预言。

“I think he saw something when we were training yesterday.” Obi-Wan then proceeded to tell his Master about what happened — how strange the Force had shifted around Cal, as he all but choked on the air mid-step and froze in place, eyes wide-open, for just a fraction of a second, before blinking back to reality. “But I also wouldn’t trust his perception of anything back then; he was too tired, lost in thoughts. If what I saw was something to judge by, I’m not sure I understand just how he made it this far.”
“我想他昨天我们训练时看到了一些东西。”然后，欧比旺继续告诉他的主人发生了什么——原力在卡尔周围移动是多么奇怪，因为他几乎在半步中被空气呛住了，僵在原地，眼睛睁得大大的，只有几分之一秒，然后眨眼回到了现实。“但我也不会相信他当时对任何事情的看法;他太累了，陷入了沉思。如果我所看到的可以评判，我不确定我是否理解他是如何走到这一步的。

“He has resolve. The Force is with him.” Qui-Gon sighted and gave Obi-Wan the look. “ Then, of course, there are stims and a crew turning a blind eye.”
“他有决心。原力与他同在。Qui-Gon看到了，看了Obi-Wan一眼。“然后，当然，有刺激因素和工作人员视而不见。”

Stims. This explained some things about Cal, but nothing exactly clicked into place; stims were drugs; drugs widely used during the war, legal, but the question was in quantity and duration of usage. The Jedi rarely relied on them, meditation usually proving to be a much better way to keep on going, yet… Cal was young, and perhaps didn’t master that skill just yet, more so, he was untrained , his skills — those of a thirteen-year-old Padawan. And having a body of a different age didn’t matter.
刺激。这解释了关于 Cal 的一些事情，但没有一个完全到位;刺激物是药物;战争期间广泛使用的药物是合法的，但问题是使用的数量和持续时间。绝地武士很少依赖他们，冥想通常被证明是继续前进的更好方式，然而......卡尔还年轻，也许还没有掌握这项技能，更重要的是，他没有受过训练，他的技能——一个十三岁的帕达万的技能。拥有不同年龄的身体并不重要。

How a thirteen-year-old Padawan fought battalions of stormtroopers alone was beyond Obi-Wan's understanding, and yet… he knew just how . It was written across Cal’s face, emotions so clear in his nightmare, so much fear, only half his own, and half of it —
一个 13 岁的学徒是如何独自与冲锋队作战的，这超出了欧比旺的理解范围，然而......他知道怎么做。这写在卡尔的脸上，在他的噩梦中，情绪如此清晰，如此多的恐惧，只有一半是他自己的，一半是——

No matter.
不管怎样。

He crossed the room and pressed the back of his hand against his Padawan’s forehead in an attempt to share his serenity with him, without waking him up. It was something he did back when Anakin was a child still, and he could only hope he still had this skill in tact, he could almost feel Qui-Gon’s piercing eyes on him, but when he turned to meet his stare the Force-ghost was already gone. Indeed, just like the wind. And Cal... At the very least, his grip on the blanket relaxed and the frown was gone from his face.
他穿过房间，用手背按在他 Padawan 的额头上，试图在不吵醒他的情况下与他分享他的宁静。这是他在阿纳金还是个孩子的时候就做过的事情，他只能希望自己还有这种技巧，他几乎能感觉到 Qui-Gon 锐利的眼睛看着他，但当他转身面对他的凝视时，原力幽灵已经消失了。确实，就像风一样。还有卡尔......至少，他抓着毯子的手放松了，皱眉从他的脸上消失了。

There will be a lot to talk about during the day, and now… well, he might have enough time to pay a visit to the Lars’ family, as the new day dawned. The thought of feeling Luke’s presence closeby made Obi-Wan smile fondly. The thought of arguing with his uncle, however, made him frown.
白天会有很多话要谈，现在......好吧，他可能有足够的时间去拜访 Lars 的家人，因为新的一天已经到来了。一想到卢克就在身边，欧比旺就露出了深情的笑容。然而，一想到要和他的叔叔争论，他就皱起了眉头。

Notes:
笔记：



illustration is done by @/wfraem on twitter
插图由 @/wfraem 在 Twitter 上完成

aaaaand Obi-Wan isn't making the wisest decision here, 'cuz in the morning somebody will be feeling a bit lost
啊啊，欧比旺在这里并没有做出最明智的决定，因为早上有人会感到有点迷茫

Chapter 6: Anakin Skywalker |&| Cal Kestis
第六章：阿纳金·天行者 |&|卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

owo
哎呀

wow look who makes an entrance
哇，看看谁进场了

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

That night he dreamt of Mustafar again, the traces of a dream ripped to shreds, because even after all those years sleep wasn’t something he could really do. He didn’t rest, not ever, but the time he spent in bacta tanks was not to be wasted — and consciousness slipped into this, this slumber.
那天晚上，他又梦到了穆斯塔法，梦的痕迹被撕成碎片，因为即使过了这么多年，睡眠也不是他能真正做的事情。他没有休息，从来没有，但他在 bacta 坦克里度过的时间不能浪费——意识滑入了这个，这个沉睡。

Vader prefered meditations to that — they, at the very least, were controlled, and he could choose what his mind showed him and how exactly things unfurled, but dreams — oh sweet dreams were overrated. Even if vivid, they always had the shattered feel to them, as if he was looking down at pieces of a broken mirror, which reflected only fractions of things bygone, of things he had seen before. Sharp edges hurt, re-living the Jedi’s betrayal hurt, but hurt was his constant companion, and the colours of lava and ashes weren’t an unwelcome sight, not anymore.
维达更喜欢冥想——至少，它们被控制住了，他可以选择他的头脑向他展示什么，以及事情究竟是如何展开的，但梦——哦，甜蜜的梦被高估了。即使栩栩如生，它们也总是给人一种破碎的感觉，仿佛他正在俯视一面破碎的镜子碎片，它只反射着过去事物的碎片，他以前见过的事物。锋利的边缘很痛，重温绝地武士的背叛很痛，但伤害是他永恒的伴侣，熔岩和灰烬的颜色不再是不受欢迎的景象，现在不是了。

Mustafar was just another planet in the Empire. There was nothing special in it, but despite this, in this pathetic excuse for a dream he felt something amiss. A presence, just behind the edges — the almost translucent turquoise trace in Force — a Jedi, spying on him, how dare —
穆斯塔法只是帝国中的另一颗行星。这并没有什么特别的，但尽管如此，在这个可悲的梦借口中，他感到有些不对劲。一个存在，就在边缘后面——《原力》中几乎半透明的绿松石痕迹——一个绝地武士，监视着他，怎么敢——

His rage washed over the landscape, like an avalanche, but made of fire, and the intruder took cover — behind the traces of ash, molten durasteel and shards of broken mirror Vader was looking into — but didn’t withdraw; it was then Vader recognized him.
他的愤怒像雪崩一样冲刷着大地，但却是由火组成的，入侵者躲在了维德正在查看的灰烬、熔化的硬钢和破碎镜子碎片的痕迹后面——但没有撤退;就在那时，维达认出了他。

“You would be wise to surrender”
“你投降是明智的”

“Yeah. Probably.”
“是的。也许吧。

He fought valiantly after — unskilled, but vigorous, didn’t let the other Jedi by his side give in to the temptation of the Dark, and oh, this drive, the mere fact that his resolve didn’t falter even as he had his own ignited lightsaber burning a hole through his chest — those qualities would have made him a perfect inquisitor. But it seemed fear and pain were not just right to break him.
他英勇地战斗着——不熟练，但精力充沛，没有让身边的其他绝地武士屈服于黑暗的诱惑，哦，这种驱动力，光是他的决心没有动摇的事实，即使他自己的点燃的光剑在他的胸口烧了一个洞——这些品质会让他成为一个完美的审判官。但似乎恐惧和痛苦并不能让他崩溃。

Another question was, what an unskilled Jedi was doing here, in his dream? Was it, perhaps, by accident? If so, he couldn’t afford to lose this chance. Skilled or not, Kestis was still a Jedi, and Jedi should be dead. Or, if they wanted to escape such a fate, fallen . And this one had a friend. At least one. Maybe more.
另一个问题是，一个不熟练的绝地武士在他的梦中在这里做什么？也许是偶然的吗？如果是这样，他不能失去这个机会。无论技术娴熟与否，凯斯蒂斯仍然是一名绝地武士，而绝地武士应该已经死了。或者，如果他们想逃避这样的命运，那就堕落。而这个人有个朋友。至少一个。也许更多。

He watched from afar at how Cal Kestis curled on the ground near a pool of lava, breathing in ashes, how he looked at his hands and feet as he stood up — as if to make sure they were still attached to his body — how he wandered around the emptiness which has never really been a part of Mustafar, planet busy with all kinds of droids and production lines, but apparently, all those were of no interest for his, uh , guest.
他从远处看着卡尔·凯斯蒂斯如何蜷缩在熔岩池附近的地面上，呼吸着灰烬，他如何看着自己站起来的手和脚——仿佛要确保它们仍然附着在他的身体上——他如何在从未真正属于穆斯塔法的空虚中徘徊， 星球上忙着各种机器人和生产线，但显然，所有这些都对他的，呃，客人不感兴趣。

“What are you looking for?” he decided to call, and the sound of his voice made them both flinch — Kestis did it from surprise, and Vader from disgust — unmodulated, twisted by the dreamscape his mind engineered despite his best interest. So, he was Skywalker in this one, then. A murky, dead, pathetic version of himself. Maybe it was for the best. At the very least he wouldn’t spook Kestis away. Will be able to lure him in.
“你在找什么？”他决定打电话，他的声音让他们俩都畏缩了一下——Kestis是出于惊讶，而Vader是出于厌恶——没有得到调节，被他的大脑制造的梦境扭曲了，尽管他有最大的利益。所以，他在这部电影中是天行者。一个阴暗、死气沉沉、可悲的自己。也许这是最好的。至少他不会吓跑 Kestis。将能够引诱他进来。

Will be able to use Skywalker to his advantage .
将能够利用天行者来发挥自己的优势。

But alas the Force around them swelled with fear as he approached the Jedi — even more intense that back there in the Fortress. Recognition flashed in Kestis’ eyes, the feeling cold , the man before him was ever so scared — he was no fool, this one, wasn’t the one to trust a pretty face — and there it was, an answer, he was no spy, didn’t come here on purpose, never wanted to meet again, but oh how cruel the Force could sometimes be, right?
但遗憾的是，当他接近绝地武士时，他们周围的原力因恐惧而膨胀——甚至比在要塞里时还要强烈。凯斯蒂斯的眼睛里闪过认可，冰冷的感觉，他面前的这个男人曾经如此害怕——他不是傻子，这个人，不是那个相信漂亮脸蛋的人——就在那里，一个答案，他不是间谍，不是故意来这里的，再也不想见面了，但哦，原力有时是多么残酷， 右？

Kestis took a step back, then another. He was standing on the very edge of a rock, behind him — a durasteel platform, which trembled under the wind — it wouldn’t have, were it all real, but in a dream, durasteel could be as fragile as Cal Kestis wanted it to be. And Vader let him give in to his fear, as he advanced, pushed him further, made him take another step back and then one more, onto the platform, yeah, just right .
Kestis 后退了一步，然后又退了一步。他站在一块岩石的边缘上，在他身后——一个在风中颤抖的硬钢平台——如果这一切都是真的，那肯定是不可能的，但在梦中，硬钢可以像卡尔·凯斯蒂斯希望的那样脆弱。维达让他屈服于自己的恐惧，随着他前进，把他推得更远，让他再后退一步，然后再后退一步，上了平台，是的，恰到好处。

The metal creaked under their weight, as parts of it fell down into the lava river and sparks flew up, so high that some of them landed on Kestis’s poncho, burned holes in dusty white and yellow canvas.
金属在他们的重量下吱吱作响，当它的一部分落入熔岩河中时，火花飞溅而上，如此之高，以至于其中一些落在了 Kestis 的雨披上，在尘土飞扬的白色和黄色帆布上烧出了个洞。

“Lucky it didn’t catch fire,” he looked the Jedi in the eyes, the dull green color dusted with not just fear now — terror, and reached out to grab Kestis by the throat, but —
“幸好它没有着火，”他看着绝地武士的眼睛，暗绿色现在不仅蒙上了恐惧——恐惧，伸手抓住了凯斯蒂斯的喉咙，但是——

— sometimes it so happened , that terror was simply too strong to bear. Cal Kestis held his stare for only a moment before making a sound — a strangled noise of distress which was supposed to be either a laugh or a scream, but turned out to be neither — and allowing himself to fall down, into the molten hell his imagination painted the burning vermillion red.
——有时情况确实如此，那种恐惧实在是太强烈了，无法忍受。卡尔·凯斯蒂斯盯着他看了一会儿，就发出了声音——那令人窒息的痛苦声音，本来应该是笑声或尖叫，但结果却不是——然后让自己倒下，进入他的想象中将燃烧的朱红色涂成的熔融地狱。

There were no traces of the transparent cyan left in his half-dream-half- whatever that was, so there was little purpose in dwelling in it anymore.
他的半梦半醒——不管那是什么——没有留下任何透明的青色痕迹，所以再住在里面已经没有什么意义了。

He will, however, have to look into that connection he shared with this Kestis guy in more detail later. It might as well prove useful at some point, even if he didn’t see how exactly right about now.
然而，他稍后将不得不更详细地研究他与这个 Kestis 家伙的联系。它也可能在某个时候被证明是有用的，即使他现在还没看出到底有多对。

With a huff which sent bubbles up the bacta, Vader opened his eyes and pondered whether or not he should tell Sidious about this most peculiar dream.
维达气呼呼地睁开了眼睛，思考着是否应该把这个最奇特的梦告诉西迪厄斯。

***

Cal didn’t wake up, he ripped himself from sleep, eyes wide, breath unsteady, memories of his encounter with Skywalker all too vivid — those golden eyes, the hatred in them, the pure, molten burning feeling overpowering to the point where he knew — had he stared in them a second too long he would be gone, and not just dead, but consumed, devoured whole by the dark.
卡尔没有醒来，他从睡梦中醒来，睁大了眼睛，呼吸不稳，他与天行者相遇的记忆太生动了——那双金色的眼睛，其中的仇恨，那种纯粹的、熔化的灼热感压倒了他，以至于他知道——如果他盯着他们看太久，他就会消失，而不仅仅是死去， 但被吞噬了，被黑暗吞噬了。

BD-1 nudged at his side and beeped worriedly, at which Cal sighted. He… knew that he wasn’t at his best for the past few days, and his droid friend was right to worry. Had every right to, and yet, once more, Cal brushed him off with a simple “I’m okay, buddy!”
BD-1 轻推了他身边，担心地发出哔哔声，Cal 看到了。他。。。知道他这几天没有处于最佳状态，他的机器人朋友担心是正确的。他完全有权利这样做，然而，卡尔又一次用一句简单的“我没事，伙计！

For a moment he felt as though he finally had enough rest to function just fine, as he looked around and got dressed, trying his best to keep sand from getting everywhere — he couldn’t quite understand how, but it even got inside his mouth.
有那么一刻，他觉得自己终于得到了足够的休息，可以正常工作了，他环顾四周，穿好衣服，尽力防止沙子到处都是——他不太明白是怎么回事，但它甚至进入了他的嘴里。

The feeling of being well-rested disappeared as he made his way to the kitchen, and BD jumped up on his shoulder.
当他走向厨房时，休息良好的感觉消失了，BD 跳到他的肩膀上。

“I really could use a stim,” Cal said, noticing a datapad left on the table. There must have been a message there.
“我真的可以用刺激剂，”Cal 说，注意到桌子上留下了一个数据板。那里一定有一条信息。

“Beep boop”
“哔哔”

“I know, buddy. We might ask Master Kenobi when he returns, but I don’t think…”
“我知道，伙计。我们可能会问问克诺比大人什么时候回来，但我不认为......”

“Boo-be-beep!”
“嘘嘘！”

“Yeah, you’re right, you’re right. Anyway, he left us a message, let’s see, hmm, what’s this…”
“是的，你是对的，你是对的。反正他给我们留了个信息，让我们看看，嗯，这是什么......”

There wasn’t much there. Apart from “feel yourself at home” and “I will be back shortly”, there was no information whatsoever, and perhaps, Cal thought, this was his Master’s old habit. He didn’t like the notion of being left alone, and instinctively reached out to tug on his padawan braid — it was still there, the feel of it somehow reassuring.
那里没有太多东西。除了“感觉像在家一样”和“我很快就会回来”之外，没有任何信息，也许，卡尔想，这是他主人的老习惯。他不喜欢一个人呆着的想法，本能地伸手扯了扯他的学徒辫子——它还在那儿，感觉不知何故让人放心。

He looked through the cupboards, unsure of what exactly passed as breakfast on a desert planet such as Tatooine, and what was he supposed to eat, how much water could he drink or where did it come from, exactly. Despite being accepted as Padawan, he still was thinking of himself as an inconvenience, of sorts, so, abusing someone’s hospitality wasn’t on his list of activities.
他翻看了看橱柜，不确定在塔图因这样的沙漠星球上早餐到底是什么，他应该吃什么，他能喝多少水，或者它到底来自哪里。尽管被接受为 Padawan，但他仍然认为自己在某种程度上是一种不便，因此，滥用某人的款待并不在他的活动清单上。

He decided that half-a-glass of water will suffice; a bit of blue powdered milk made it even better, sweet and rich tasting, and as for food, well, a flatbread was fine. BD tried to disagree, beeping about that he used to eat more on Mantis, but Cal told him that he used to move more on Mantis too.
他决定半杯水就足够了;一点蓝色的奶粉让它变得更好，甜美而浓郁的味道，至于食物，嗯，大饼就可以了。BD 试图不同意，哔地说他以前在 Mantis 上吃得更多，但 Cal 告诉他，他以前也更多地在 Mantis 上移动。

Not true though; yesterday’s duel — or training — was just as intense.
但事实并非如此;昨天的决斗——或者说训练——同样激烈。

Staring into his glass he wondered if the dream he had was just that — a dream. And whether he should tell Master Kenobi about it. Anakin Skywalker wasn’t a topic for a casual conversation, and he didn’t want to do anything to upset the man who was… kind enough to let him stay despite the trouble he could potentially bring. But he couldn’t stop thinking… what if it wasn’t? It was the first time he wasn’t re-living Skywalker’s fate on Mustafar, but meeting him instead, saw him , the first time Skywalker talked to him, even if those were just two lines, a taunt, and a question. A disturbing one at that, as if he, too, didn’t understand what was going there. If that was a nightmare, a Sith lord wouldn’t be asking him questions like that, no, Cal thought that Skywalker he knew would have gone straight for the kill, and not watched him for… for how long was he watched? He had no idea. He sure had to do something to distract himself; fear led to anger, and anger… well, the Dark side, so, no, thanks.
他盯着酒杯，想着他做的梦是不是就是那个——一个梦。以及他是否应该告诉克诺比大师这件事。阿纳金·天行者不是一个随意交谈的话题，他不想做任何事情来惹恼这个......好心地让他留下来，尽管他可能会带来麻烦。但他还是忍不住想......如果不是呢？这是他第一次没有在穆斯塔法上重温天行者的命运，而是遇到了他，看到了他，天行者第一次和他说话，即使那只是两句话，一个嘲讽和一个问题。这真是令人不安，仿佛他也不知道那里发生了什么。如果那是一场噩梦，西斯领主不会问他这样的问题，不，卡尔认为他认识的天行者会直接杀人，而不是看着他......他被监视了多长时间？他不知道。他肯定得做点什么来分散自己的注意力;恐惧导致愤怒，而愤怒......嗯，黑暗面，所以，不，谢谢。

As he chewed on a dry flatbread, his glance fell on the training remote which sat on the chest near the wall. Oh. Oh . He knew just what he would be doing today. He jumped to his feet — regretted it, as his head started spinning — and crossed the room. As he took the remote he felt another echo — he saw Master Kenobi, wielding his lightsaber among the sands in the same canyon they had trained yesterday, training, a calm, concentrated look on his face — it brought a smile to Cal's face. He will practice.
当他咀嚼着一个干面包时，他的目光落在了靠墙的箱子上的训练遥控器上。哦。哦。他知道自己今天要做什么。他跳起来——后悔了，因为他的头开始旋转——然后穿过房间。当他拿起遥控器时，他感觉到了另一个回声——他看到克诺比大师在他们昨天训练的同一个峡谷的沙地上挥舞着他的光剑，训练，脸上露出平静、专注的表情——这让卡尔的脸上露出了笑容。他会练习。

He wanted to go outside at first, but then remembered about the secrecy — the light of a ‘saber will be seen for miles in the desert, and he didn’t want to give out their location — so he will have to stay indoors. This meant that he won’t be able to use his second blade, for he feared it might scratch at the walls, but did it really matter?
起初他想出去走走，但后来想起了保密的事情——在沙漠中数英里外都能看到军刀的光芒，他不想透露它们的位置——所以他不得不呆在室内。这意味着他将无法使用他的第二把刀，因为他担心它会划伤墙壁，但这真的重要吗？

If he was honest with himself, he wanted to master all forms of lightsaber combat, because, well — he actually felt that he needed to get better at every field; life showed him that there were many horrible things that could happen; being stuck wielding only a weapon of choice meant defeat. Death.
如果他对自己诚实的话，他想掌握所有形式的光剑战斗，因为，嗯——他实际上觉得他需要在各个领域都变得更好;生活向他表明，可能发生许多可怕的事情;被困在只使用选择的武器意味着失败。死亡。

So, he quickly moved the table a bit further to the wall, to give himself more space, fiddled with the remote’s controls, and then tossed it up. His hold on the lightsaber was still unsteady for some reason — he couldn’t get why it was, why his body was shaking, there was a twitch in his arm that just refused to go away — he gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. It was probably nothing, just a week under the burning sun.
所以，他迅速将桌子移到离墙更远的地方，给自己更多的空间，摆弄遥控器的控件，然后把它扔了起来。不知为何，他握着光剑的姿势仍然不稳定——他不明白为什么会这样，为什么他的身体会颤抖，他的手臂抽搐着不肯消失——他咬紧牙关，深吸了一口气。这可能没什么，就在烈日下度过了一个星期。

He deflected the charges shot at him easily at first, but then it proved to be more of a challenge, as the training session progressed. His concentration slipped once, then twice, as pinchy charges reached their target — first his leg and then his shoulder. Were it real blaster fire, he would have been on the ground, but now… well, there was barely any pain, just frustration at his own weakness and lack of skill.
起初，他轻松地挡开了向他射来的冲锋，但随着训练的进行，事实证明这更具挑战性。他的注意力滑落了一次，然后是两次，因为细小的冲锋击中了他们的目标——首先是他的腿，然后是他的肩膀。如果是真的爆能枪火，他应该在地上，但现在......嗯，几乎没有任何痛苦，只有对自己的弱点和缺乏技巧的沮丧。

Cal took another deep breath and tried his best to calm down. Blocked another shot, and then one more. And another one after that, his mind remaining calm, thoughts almost elsewhere, counting grains of sand outside, reaching out for the calm presence of Master Kenobi, almost too far away to make out, his mind carefully shielded, more so than before, actually.
卡尔又深吸了一口气，尽力让自己冷静下来。挡住了另一次射门，然后又挡住了一次。接着又一次，他的头脑保持平静，思绪几乎在别处，数着外面的沙粒，伸手去寻找克诺比大师的平静存在，几乎离得太远了，几乎看不清，他的思想被小心翼翼地保护着，实际上比以前更甚。

It made sense, of course, to be more mindful of your thoughts around other people; the question was, what was his Master doing? Why didn’t he take Cal with him?
当然，更加注意你对他人的想法是有道理的;问题是，他的师父在做什么？他为什么不带上卡尔呢？

“It’s because,” his mind helpfully suggested, “you were such a mess yesterday. Because you cried on his shoulder, even younglings don’t do that. It’s because he has no reason to trust you even with the smallest of assignments.”
“那是因为，”他的脑海里有用地暗示，“你昨天真是一团糟。因为你在他的肩膀上哭泣，即使是年轻人也不会那样做。这是因为他没有理由信任你，即使是最小的任务。

It was, in fact, true. He will have to do much, much better, if he wanted to prove himself; at least be more grounded in his emotions; it really wasn’t a problem for him before, but somehow after all what happened… well.
事实上，这是真的。如果他想证明自己，他就必须做得很多很多;至少要更扎根于他的情感;以前对他来说真的不是问题，但不知何故，毕竟发生了什么......井。

Another breath in, another breath out, as he pushed through the tremble in his body, as he willed his hands to stop shaking, and parried charge after charge, trying his best to rely not on his vision, but on his reflexes and the Force, trust it, let it flow freely through him, then, maybe, his stubborn body would finally cooperate —
他又吸了一口气，又呼了一口气，他强忍着身体的颤抖，让自己的手停止颤抖，挡住了一次又一次的冲锋，尽力不靠自己的视觉，而是靠自己的反应和原力，相信它，让它自由地流过他，然后，也许，他顽固的身体终于会配合——

He was concentrating on his training to such an extent that the sound of the door behind him opening startled him.
他全神贯注地进行训练，以至于他身后的门打开的声音把他吓了一跳。

He missed a charge, it hit him straight in the face; he would have fallen straight on his butt, if not for —
他错过了一次冲锋，直接打在他的脸上;他会直接倒在屁股上，要不是——

“Whoa there!”
“哇！”

— it was Master Kenobi, who caught his fall.
——是克诺比大师摔倒了。

So much for proving himself to his Master, Cal thought, as he rubbed his cheek and got back to his feet, catching the training remote from the air and putting it back from where he took it.
向他的主人证明了自己，卡尔想着，他揉了揉自己的脸颊，重新站起来，从空中接住了训练遥控器，把它从他拿走的地方放了回来。

“I see you had quite a productive time while I was gone.”
“我看你不在的时候过得很开心。”

It was a praise, but it didn’t sound like one. There was something unsaid, lingering behind the words, behind the endless compassion shining in Master Kenobi’s eyes.
这是赞美，但听起来不像。在话语背后，在克诺比大师眼中闪耀的无尽的怜悯背后，有一些未说出口的东西挥之不去。

“I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. And yesterday you defeated me effortlessly, so I gathered that I had to practice more,” Cal reasoned quietly, keeping his eyes down.
“我不知道我应该做什么。昨天你毫不费力地打败了我，所以我发现我必须多练习一下，“卡尔低着头，轻声推理。

“Did you eat anything before that?”
“在那之前你吃过什么东西吗？”

“Um, yes. Why do you have to ask me that, Master Kenobi?”
“嗯，是的。你为什么非要问我这个，克诺比大人？」

There was a long moment of silence before next words were spoken, and Cal knew that — well, that the eyes looking at him were full of pity; and that was the exact reason why he was so reluctant to glance up.
在说出下一句话之前，沉默了很长一段时间，卡尔知道——嗯，那双看着他的眼睛里充满了怜悯;而这正是他如此不愿意抬头看的原因。

“Hold out your arm, Cal.”
“伸出你的手臂，卡尔。”

He didn’t falter, but in the end, it didn’t matter. His arm was steady as long as he concentrated on the Force around and within him, as long as his concentration didn’t slip away, but his Master’s next request was to let that go — and there it was; his hand started shaking the second he relaxed it.
他没有动摇，但最终，这并不重要。只要他专注于周围和体内的原力，只要他的注意力没有溜走，他的手臂就很稳定，但他的主人的下一个请求是放手——就这样;他的手在放松的那一刻开始颤抖。

“Do you know what this means?” Master Kenobi’s voice was calm, just as it always seemed to be; as Jedi’s voice should always be.
“你知道这是什么意思吗？”克诺比大人的声音很平静，就像一如既往;就像绝地武士的声音应该永远一样。

“That I’m weak. That I must try harder.”
“我很弱。我必须更加努力。

Master Kenobi shook his head.
克诺比大人摇了摇头。

“You misinterpret, Padawan. It’s not because you’re weak, it’s because you need to rest. ”
“你误解了，帕达万。不是因为你虚弱，而是因为你需要休息。

“But…” Cal looked up, feeling defiant for a reason he himself couldn’t name, and yet was quickly silenced — a gentle touch on his wrist was more than his temper could bear.
“但是......”卡尔抬起头，因为一个他自己都说不出的原因而感到挑衅，但很快就沉默了——轻轻地碰在他的手腕上，他的脾气已经无法忍受了。

“You’ve been through hell, Cal, I know that. That you’ve used every last bit of what strength you had to get out of there. It’s over now. You don’t have to run anymore, you can allow yourself to rest.”
“你经历过地狱，卡尔，我知道。你已经用尽了你所拥有的每一点力量来摆脱那里。现在已经结束了。你不必再跑步了，你可以让自己休息。

“Master Kenobi, I don’t feel tired, really. That shakiness — I really don’t understand why that is, I promise, it’s nothing to worry about, I probably just…”
“克诺比大人，我不觉得累，真的。那种摇晃——我真的不明白为什么会这样，我保证，这没什么好担心的，我可能只是......”

He trailed off, unsure of what to say next, and his Master didn’t pressure him to continue. Let the issue go, but made it clear that there will be no physical training until — well, until he decides that his Padawan rested enough . In the meantime, there were other things to do, just one of them — ancient texts Cal could read, and plenty of them.
他慢慢走开，不确定接下来该说什么，他的师父也没有强迫他继续说下去。放下这个问题，但明确表示不会有体能训练，直到——好吧，直到他决定他的 Padawan 休息得足够多。与此同时，还有其他事情要做，只是其中之一——卡尔可以阅读的古代文本，而且数量很多。

“If you are so eager to learn, you can start reading right now, while I make you some proper food.”
“如果你这么渴望学习，你现在就可以开始阅读，我给你做一些像样的食物。”

It was over lunch — bantha soup — when Master Kenobi gave him a full-lengh talk on the overuse of healing stims; he was very considerate and tactful, of course, managed to navigate Cal through the conversation without him feeling the sharp sting of guilt. The bottom line was — he did what he had to. To stay alive. He didn’t have to rely on stims anymore.
那是在午餐时——班塔汤——当 Kenobi 大师向他详细介绍了过度使用治疗刺激剂时;他非常体贴和机智，当然，他设法引导卡尔完成谈话，而不会让他感到强烈的内疚感。底线是——他做了他必须做的事。为了活下去。他不必再依赖刺激剂了。

It would take time for him to recover, but his Master already had plans on his training, so it seemed. Meditation was the second thing on the list, right after reading. Cal couldn’t say that he was exactly thrilled, but he didn’t mind. In the end, it was what he came here for — finding inner peace of mind — yet, it wasn’t peace his Master asked him to search for. Not explicitly, at least.
他需要时间来恢复，但他的师父已经对他的训练有计划了，看起来是这样。冥想是清单上的第二件事，就在阅读之后。卡尔不能说他完全激动，但他并不介意。最后，这就是他来这里的目的 — 找到内心的平静 — 然而，这并不是他的师父让他寻找的平静。至少没有明确地说。

There were no words of Jedi wisdom, no reciting of the Jedi code, none of that.
没有绝地智慧的文字，没有对绝地守则的背诵，什么都没有。

“Close your eyes.”
“闭上你的眼睛。”

His test was to feel each object in the room, feel them through the Force and keep them in place , as the other Jedi tugged at them randomly; sometimes physically, sometimes through the Force, sometimes both .
他的测试是感受房间里的每一个物体，通过原力感受它们并保持在原地，而其他绝地武士则随机拉扯它们;有时是身体上的，有时是通过原力，有时两者兼而有之。

To Cal’s surprise, it turned out to be almost easy to find serenity in concentration. This serenity, however, was just as easily lost by the nightfall, when it was time to go to sleep. And it was then he decided to finally tell about the dream he had; still, he wasn’t straightforward about it. Didn’t tell the exact details, didn’t tell about Skywalker, just being watched, unsafe in general.
令 Cal 惊讶的是，事实证明，在专注中找到宁静几乎很容易。然而，这种宁静也很容易被夜幕降临，此时该睡觉了。就在那时，他决定终于说出他所做过的梦;尽管如此，他并没有直截了当地说出来。没有说出确切的细节，没有说出天行者的事情，只是被监视，总体上不安全。

“I was wondering, perhaps… can the Sith even do that? Spy on people like that.”
“我在想，也许......西斯甚至能做到这一点吗？像那样监视人。

“I’m afraid I cannot give you a definite answer to that, Padawan. I’m inclined to say that they can,” Master Kenobi fell silent for a moment, eyes distant, almost sad, as if he was remembering things long lost. When he spoke again, sadness lingered in his voice.
“恐怕我无法给你一个明确的答案，帕达万。我倾向于说他们可以，“克诺比大人沉默了一会儿，眼神恍惚，几乎是悲伤的，仿佛他在想起早已失传的东西。当他再次说话时，他的声音中萦绕着悲伤。

“I don’t think it’s worth worrying about, though. If a Sith was indeed spying on you, you probably wouldn’t have noticed, and neither would I. But I will help you with your shields tonight, if you want.”
“不过，我认为这不值得担心。如果真的有西斯在监视你，你可能不会注意到，我也不会。但如果你愿意，今晚我会帮你拿盾牌。

Cal nodded. He hoped it would help.
卡尔点点头。他希望这会有所帮助。

It did.
它确实做到了。

On that night Mustafar in his dreams was just as empty as the Tatooine desert around their home.
那天晚上，穆斯塔法在梦中空无一人，就像他们家周围的塔图因沙漠一样空旷。

Notes:
笔记：

UwU
乌乌

Cal is such a diligent Padawan, Obi-Wan should be just so proud.
卡尔是一个如此勤奋的 Padawan，欧比旺应该感到非常自豪。

Chapter 7: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 7 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
（注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

His Padawan was the most peculiar creature. The one of admirable strength, of rare will, so eager to learn and yet so tame.
他的 Padawan 是最奇特的生物。他拥有令人钦佩的力量，拥有罕见的意志，如此渴望学习，却又如此驯服。

Obi-Wan didn’t expect to find him doing katas: when he had been opening the door, he was careful to do so quietly. Qui-Gon mentioned stims; withdrawal meant severe lack of energy, and to refill it, one needed sleep. Obi-Wan remembered clone troopers missing for weeks after especially physically taxing campaigns — sleeping it off, and then still coming back with dark circles under their eyes. He remembered his own experience with it too; how drained he felt after the effects of the drug wore off, and it was just a one-time use. He couldn’t imagine how bad it would be for someone who was on the drug for... how long, exactly?
欧比旺没想到会发现他在做招式：当他一直在开门时，他小心翼翼地悄悄地开门。Qui-Gon 提到了刺激;戒断意味着严重缺乏能量，要补充能量，一个人需要睡眠。欧比旺记得克隆人士兵在特别耗费体力的战役后失踪了数周——睡着了，然后回来时仍然带着黑眼圈。他也想起了他自己的经历;药物的作用消失后，他感到多么疲惫，而且这只是一次性的使用。他无法想象对于一个因为......确切的时间有多长？

He knew nothing about his new apprentice, who all but fell into his arms as he entered the room. Unexpected. Surprising, even. That drive, that desire to get better — not many Jedi had that level of self-motivation. What exactly was Cal trying to achieve here? Why was he so reluctant to admit that he was — and indeed he was, evidently so, to an extent beyond what Obi-Wan could imagine possible — tired. Cal went as far as to deny it straight in his face.
他对他的新学徒一无所知，当他走进房间时，他几乎扑进了他的怀里。意外。甚至令人惊讶。那种驱动力，那种变得更好的愿望——没有多少绝地武士有这种程度的自我激励。卡尔到底想在这里实现什么目标？为什么他这么不愿意承认他累了——事实上，他显然已经累到了欧比旺无法想象的程度。卡尔甚至当着他的面否认了这一点。

It didn’t matter though, not really. It’s not like Obi-Wan would allow the boy to hurt himself now that he was in his care. He didn’t want to make it into an argument, so he let it go, but ‘saber training was to be postponed until later. Cal will have to recover first. Regain his strength. Until then... there were many things to do for a Jedi apprentice that did not involve a lot of physical activity. They will have to concentrate on that.
不过这并不重要，不是真的。欧比旺不会允许这个男孩伤害自己，因为他已经被他照顾了。他不想让它变成争论，所以他就放手了，但“佩剑训练要推迟到以后。卡尔必须先恢复。恢复他的力量。在那之前......绝地学徒有很多事情要做，但并不涉及很多体力活动。他们将不得不专注于此。

Cal Kestis was a mystery, of sorts. Didn’t talk much, if at all, unless prompted, kept his eyes low most of the time, and listened to his Master’s every word. His curiosity, however, sometimes shined through. He asked a question, and then a follow-up, and then another, there seemed to be a myriad of questions hidden behind his usual silence — so much like Anakin — about the Force, about the Order, about the very nature of things, but unlike Anakin at his age, the purpose of those questions was not to challenge the authority; it was a genuine desire to learn. Defiance sometimes sparkled in his pale-green eyes, but was quickly taken under control.
卡尔·凯斯蒂斯在某种程度上是一个谜。他不怎么说话，如果有的话，除非得到提示，否则他大部分时间都低着头，听着他主人的每一句话。然而，他的好奇心有时会显现出来。他问了一个问题，然后是后续问题，然后又问了一个问题，在他平时的沉默背后似乎隐藏着无数的问题——就像阿纳金一样——关于原力，关于教团，关于事物的本质，但与他这个年纪的阿纳金不同，这些问题的目的不是为了挑战权威;这是一种真诚的学习愿望。他淡绿色的眼睛里有时会闪耀着挑衅的光芒，但很快就被控制住了。

Control.
控制。

That, Cal Kestis had plenty of.
那，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯 （Cal Kestis） 有很多。

Unlike Anakin , again.
又一次与 Anakin 不同。

For Anakin, most things came naturally, and to no wonder: he was the child of the Force, after all. But talent wasn’t everything; and where Anakin got angry and frustrated, Cal... well, he did too. But instead of lashing out, he gritted his teeth and tried again. And then again. Until he got it the way he wanted.
对阿纳金来说，大多数事情都是自然而然的，这也就不足为奇了：他毕竟是原力的孩子。但天赋并不是一切;而 Anakin 生气和沮丧的地方，Cal......嗯，他也是。但他没有猛烈抨击，而是咬紧牙关，再次尝试。然后又一次。直到他按照他想要的方式得到了它。

“Failure is just a part of the path,” that’s what Obi-Wan heard him whisper to himself during one of their numerous training sessions in the sands, as his Padawan struggled to make rocks levitate in the air around him just the right way, and all of them tumbled down on the ground for the seventh time in the last two hours.
“失败只是道路的一部分，”这是欧比旺在他们在沙滩上进行的无数次训练中听到他低声对自己说的话，因为他的学徒努力让石头以正确的方式悬浮在他周围的空中，而它们都在过去两个小时内第七次跌落在地上。

Such wise words, for someone so young, but then again, Cal has been through a lot. Learned about failure the hard way, and failing such unimportant tasks as levitating rocks must have felt like nothing. Still, the look of disappointment was painted across the young man’s face, as he bit his lower lip and took a momentarily pause to recover his focus.
“对于这么年轻的人来说，这是如此明智的话，但话又说回来，卡尔经历了很多。从痛苦的道路上学到了失败，失败了像悬浮岩石这样不重要的任务，那一定感觉像什么都不是。尽管如此，年轻人的脸上还是露出了失望的表情，他咬着下唇，停顿了一会儿，恢复了注意力。

His desire to be better was unmatched. Obi-Wan could almost call this boy a marvel.
他对变得更好的渴望是无与伦比的。欧比旺几乎可以称这个男孩为奇迹。

A week passed, and in all this time, he didn’t hear a single complaint from his Padawan. Not about the suns’ heat, not about the sand, not about the reading, not about the concentration exercises, which Obi-Wan made more and more difficult each time — not even the state of Cal’s own health, which, due to stim withdrawal, was far from its peak. It was hard to say exactly what was wrong with him, with how secretive he was, but Obi-Wan noticed all those minor things: nosebleeds, apparent strain in his apprentice’s movements and pained noises he made in his sleep, or simply when he thought his Master wouldn’t notice.
一个星期过去了，在这段时间里，他没有听到他的 Padawan 的任何抱怨。不是关于太阳的炎热，不是关于沙子的，不是关于阅读的，不是关于专注力的练习，欧比旺每次都让这些练习变得越来越困难——甚至连卡尔自己的健康状况也不是，由于刺激性戒断，它远未达到顶峰。很难说他到底出了什么问题，他是多么的隐秘，但欧比旺注意到了所有这些小事：流鼻血，他的学徒动作明显紧张，他在睡梦中发出痛苦的声音，或者仅仅是他认为他的师父不会注意到。

“Cal, if you need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
“卡尔，如果你需要什么，你所要做的就是问。”

“I know, Master Kenobi. I’m fine.”
“我知道，克诺比大人。我很好。

Whether it was mistrust, pride, or simply unwillingness to acknowledge weakness, Obi-Wan couldn’t know. Given how Cal leaned into the slightest hint of a touch, both physically and mentally, it was probably the latter, but who was he to pry? If his Padawan decided that he could handle it himself, well... he seemed to have no other choice but to allow it.
无论是不信任、骄傲，还是仅仅不愿意承认弱点，欧比旺都不知道。考虑到卡尔在身体和精神上都倾向于哪怕一丁点的触碰，这可能是后者，但他该撬谁呢？如果他的学徒决定他可以自己处理，那么......他似乎别无选择，只能允许它。

He... didn’t want to have an argument about it.
他。。。不想为此争论。

Looking at Cal, he saw Anakin’s shadow and a hint — a promise — of Luke’s light; he agreed to train him because well, he had nothing better to do and because Jedi were supposed to help those who asked, keep their hearts open for the world, and so he did. He wished only that... he had met Cal under different circumstances.
他看着卡尔，看到了阿纳金的影子和卢克的光芒的暗示——一个承诺;他同意训练他，因为好吧，他没有更好的事情要做，因为绝地武士应该帮助那些提出要求的人，让他们对世界敞开心扉，所以他做到了。他只希望......他在不同的环境中遇到了卡尔。

They could have met in a Room of a Thousand Fountains, that one spot Obi-Wan loved the most, under an enormous fern with bright-green foliage, surrounded by exotic flowers some of which were brought there by Qui-Gon. Cal’s braid would have been much longer, decorated with beads of many different colors or maybe it would have been plain, given how strict Master Tapal was. And Cal wouldn’t have been wearing the blood-stained poncho; the pale beige color of a Jedi tunic would have suited him much better, and he wouldn’t have looked twenty-five when he was only eighteen, there would have been no sunburns on his cheeks, just freckles scattered against his pale skin, evidence of a passionate kiss a Jedi only could have shared with one entity in the whole world — the sun. And Obi-Wan imagined how he would have stood up and picked a flower; how he would have tucked it behind Cal’s ear; how almost translucent purple petals would have contrasted against his bright red hair.
他们本可以在一千个喷泉的房间里见面，那是欧比旺最喜欢的地方，在一棵长着亮绿色叶子的巨大蕨类植物下，周围环绕着异国情调的花朵，其中一些是 Qui-Gon 带到那里的。卡尔的辫子会更长一些，装饰着许多不同颜色的珠子，或者考虑到塔帕尔大师的严格程度，它可能会很普通。而且卡尔也不会穿着那件沾满血迹的雨披;绝地长袍的淡米色更适合他，他看起来不会只有十八岁就二十五岁，脸颊上不会有晒伤，只有雀斑散落在他苍白的皮肤上，这是绝地武士只能与全世界一个实体——太阳——分享的热情之吻的证据。欧比旺想象着他会如何站起来摘一朵花;他怎么会把它藏在卡尔的耳后;几乎半透明的紫色花瓣与他鲜红色的头发形成鲜明对比。

And Cal would have stopped right there, on the stone sidewalk, his eyes wide and sparkling with gentle surprise. He would have reached up and touched the flower with his fingertips, tentative smile on his lips, as he politely bowed his head, before being back on his way. Young, serene, his whole life ahead of him, as a promise of something better, something more. A whole bright world — universe filled with wonders and light.
而卡尔会就在那里停下来，停在石头人行道上，睁大眼睛，闪耀着温和的惊喜。他会伸手用指尖摸摸那朵花，嘴唇上试探性地微笑，礼貌地低下头，然后又回到路上。年轻、宁静，他的整个人生都在等着他，作为对更好、更多的承诺。一个完整的光明世界 — 充满奇迹和光明的宇宙。

The tired boy who sat on the sand in front of him didn’t have this future. Not with the Empire hunting him down and not under Tatooine’s cruel suns. Even when he leaves — and Cal would leave, eventually, — he would spend his life fighting, for a cause which won’t be peace in the galaxy, but survival.
那个坐在眼前沙地上的疲惫少年，却没有这个未来。不是因为帝国追捕他，也不是在塔图因残酷的阳光下。即使他离开了——卡尔最终也会离开——他也会用一生来战斗，为了一个不是银河系和平，而是生存的事业。

“I’m so sorry,” Obi-Wan whispered, a barely audible sound, when night fell over the desert, as he sat there across Cal and leaned forward just a little to ruffle the boy’s hair.
“我很抱歉，”当夜幕降临在沙漠上时，欧比旺低声说，声音几乎听不见，他坐在卡尔对面，身体前倾一点，撩起男孩的头发。

The look he got in return was puzzled, confused even, but then Cal moved closer, bowed his head and closed his eyes. Must have picked up traces of unshielded thoughts; regret over not being able to prevent the Clone Wars and his Padawan’s fall to the Dark side; something Obi-Wan forgot how to live without.
他得到的眼神是困惑的，甚至是困惑的，但随后卡尔走近了，低下了头，闭上了眼睛。一定是捡到了未经掩饰的想法的痕迹;遗憾未能阻止克隆人战争和他的 Padawan 堕落到黑暗面;欧比旺忘记了如何没有的东西。

“None of what happened is your fault. Even if you were a member of the Council, it still isn’t.”
“发生的一切都不是你的错。即使你是理事会的成员，它仍然不是。

Bizzare, how much understanding could pass between two Force-sensitive beings if one of them let their guard down, even just for a second. With sandy dunes around them painted in blues, three moons shining bright in the night sky full of stars, Cal Kestis spoke in a soft voice, spoke the lines of someone who had to learn about life the hard way.
令人眼花缭乱的是，如果两个对原力敏感的生物中的一个放松警惕，哪怕只是一秒钟，他们之间能传递多少理解。周围的沙丘被涂成蓝色，三轮月亮在满天繁星的夜空中闪耀着光芒，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯 （Cal Kestis） 用轻柔的声音说话，说出了一个不得不以艰难的方式学习生活的人的台词。

He spoke of politics, of war efforts of the rebellion, about the Force, which, according to him, wasn’t kind — it was as if he held back words for the whole week before finally letting go, his words flowing into cyan rivers of “I don’t care how much it hurts if the Force wills it ”, “I choose this path because it is the path to light, not because it’s an easy one ” and “None of us should ever feel sorry!”
他谈到了政治，谈到了战争努力，谈到了叛乱，谈到了原力，在他看来，这并不友善——就好像他忍住了整整一个星期才终于放手了，他的话流入青色的河流，“我不在乎如果原力愿意，它会有多痛苦”，“我选择这条路，因为它是通往光明的道路， 不是因为这是一件容易的事“和”我们任何人都不应该感到遗憾！

A teardrop fell on the sand, and Obi-Wan wasn’t sure whose it was; his, or Cal’s. It didn’t matter, not really, not with realisation that they had a Force bond formed over — over regret and trauma, over unsaid things and Cal’s desire to follow the light even if the path was… well… what it was.
一滴泪珠落在沙子上，欧比旺不确定那是谁的;他的，或者卡尔的。这并不重要，不是真的，不是意识到他们已经形成了一种原力纽带——关于遗憾和创伤，关于未说出口的事情，以及卡尔追随光明的愿望，即使这条路是......井。。。它是什么。

“Thank you for accepting me, Master Kenobi,” Cal finally expresses his gratitude in words; finally, because it has been on the surface of his thoughts since Mos Espa, always in form of a shapeless emotion.
“谢谢你接受我，克诺比大人，”卡尔终于用语言表达了他的感激之情;最后，因为它自从 Mos Espa 以来就一直出现在他的思想表面，总是以一种无形的情感的形式出现。

“Thank you for choosing the light,” Obi-Wan hears his own voice echo over the dunes.
“谢谢你选择了这道光，”欧比旺听到自己的声音在沙丘上回荡。

Another couple of weeks went by, and it looked like Cal’s health gradually improved. Dark circles under his eyes were gone, there were no more nosebleeds, and his hands were no longer shaking. His nightmares, however, persisted. He was waking up with a scream, always scared, his Force always stained by Anakin’s blue, re-living the same mistake over and over, stuck in a loop of memories which weren’t even his. Obi-Wan had no idea how to help. Cal’s ability to sense echoes was a rare one; he himself didn’t have it, didn’t know how it worked. Master Fisto might have known, but he was dead, alongside everyone else. Qui-Gon… well, his answer was vague, at best.
又过了几周，卡尔的健康状况似乎逐渐好转。他眼下的黑眼圈消失了，不再流鼻血，他的手也不再颤抖。然而，他的噩梦仍然存在。他在尖叫声中醒来，总是很害怕，他的原力总是被阿纳金的蓝色玷污，一遍又一遍地重温同样的错误，陷入一个甚至不属于他的记忆循环中。欧比旺不知道该怎么帮忙。卡尔感知回声的能力是罕见的;他自己没有，不知道它是如何运作的。费斯托大师可能知道，但他已经死了，和其他人一样。Qui-Gon...嗯，他的回答充其量是含糊的。

At the very least, those weren’t visions of the future.
至少，这些不是对未来的憧憬。

Not like Anakin’s.
不像阿纳金的。

And Cal didn’t mind being comforted. Drank the herbal tea Obi-Wan offered him and tried to smile.
卡尔并不介意被安慰。喝了欧比旺给他的凉茶，试着微笑。

“Master Kenobi, tell me about Anakin Skywalker.”
“克诺比大人，跟我说说阿纳金·天行者吧。”

What could he tell? Apart from the fact that Anakin was the best pilot in the galaxy? Hero With No Fear? That he risked his life for a droid?
他能说什么呢？除了阿纳金是银河系中最好的飞行员这一事实之外？无所畏惧的英雄？他为了一个机器人冒着生命危险？

That he used to think that people should always help each other, “no matter how hard it might seem at first ”, that his heart was kind beyond all limits. That he used to look at Obi-Wan with eyes full of admiration; that is, until he grew up. A true child of the Force itself, Anakin was stronger than any Jedi in the Order, stronger than his Master ever hoped to be, and yet, his respect for Obi-Wan remained even — even on Mustafar .
他曾经认为人们应该永远互相帮助，“无论一开始看起来多么困难”，他的心是超越一切界限的善良。他曾经用充满钦佩的眼神看着欧比旺;也就是说，直到他长大。作为原力本身的真正孩子，阿纳金比教团中的任何绝地武士都强大，比他的主人所希望的还要强大，然而，他对欧比旺的尊重仍然存在——即使是在穆斯塔法身上。

But he wouldn’t be telling Cal the story a duel with his fallen Padawan, no; instead, he would tell him about Anakin’s first trip to Ilum, about just what kind of face the boy made when he first set a foot on a planet made of ice.
但他不会把这个故事告诉卡尔，就是和他倒下的爸爸的决斗，不;相反，他会告诉他阿纳金第一次去伊卢姆的事情，告诉他这个男孩第一次踏上冰雪星球时做了什么样的表情。

Obi-Wan would tell him the stories of their countless adventures before the war; the peaceful missions they were sent to, about Anakin’s affinity for racing, high speeds and adrenaline. About that one time they tracked a bounty hunter through the jungles of Kashyyyk — made their way through the canopy of trees, and everything around them was alive — every branch, every blade of grass, even the air was filled with the living Force. And then Anakin fell into the lake, slipped on some kind of moss, or, perhaps, he did it on purpose. As an excuse to grab onto his Master, cling to him as if to keep the balance but actually — to pull them both down, — oh, the splash was something Obi-Wan was prepared to rant about for weeks , but then… Anakin’s laughter was so heartfelt, so honest, that he couldn’t help, but smile at his Padawan and gently remove a brownish-green weed stuck to his cheek.
欧比旺会给他讲他们战前无数次冒险的故事;他们被派去执行的和平任务，关于阿纳金对赛车、高速和肾上腺素的热爱。大约有一次，他们追踪一名赏金猎人穿过 Kashyykk 的丛林——穿过树冠，周围的一切都是活生生的——每一根树枝，每一片草叶，甚至空气中都充满了活生生的力量。然后阿纳金掉进了湖里，滑倒在某种苔藓上，或者，也许，他是故意的。作为抓住他的主人的借口，紧紧抓住他，仿佛是为了保持平衡，但实际上——为了把他们俩都拉下来——哦，水花是欧比旺准备咆哮数周的事情，但后来......阿纳金的笑声是如此发自内心，如此真诚，以至于他忍不住对他的学徒微笑，轻轻地去除了粘在他脸颊上的棕绿色杂草。

“You loved him.”
“你爱他。”

“I still do.”
“我现在仍然喜欢。”

And then, their mission to Carnelion IV and his Padawan’s doubts about his future as a Jedi. Anakin was never sure, but Obi-Wan was. He knew that if Anakin was to leave the Order, he had to follow. It wasn’t a choice, and it had nothing to do with what Qui-Gon asked of him with his last dying breath.
然后，他们前往 Carnelion IV 的任务和他的 Padawan 对他作为绝地武士的未来表示怀疑。阿纳金从来都不确定，但欧比旺却不确定。他知道，如果阿纳金要离开组织，他就必须跟着。这不是一个选择，这与 Qui-Gon 在他临终前对他的要求无关。

Anakin stayed, but so did his doubts, no matter how Obi-Wan tried to chase them away. He never ended up having Cal’s resolve at following the light just because it was right — and there was just one thing he was afraid of.
阿纳金留下来了，但他的疑虑也随之而来，无论欧比旺如何试图赶走他们。他从来没有像卡尔那样下定决心追随光明，仅仅因为这是正确的——他只害怕一件事。

Death.
死亡。

He wasn’t afraid of dying himself, but he was afraid that others around him might. His mother was the first one in this cascade of unfortunate losses that made Anakin’s soul crack under pressure, his possessive side becoming all the more prominent, especially after Geonosis, tipping him towards a series of reckless decisions — “secret” marriage included.
他不怕自己死，但他害怕周围的人可能会死。他的母亲是这一连串不幸损失中的第一个人，这让阿纳金的灵魂在压力下破裂，他的占有欲变得更加突出，尤其是在吉奥诺西斯之后，使他面临一系列鲁莽的决定——包括“秘密”婚姻。

“He thought I didn’t know, but… I practically raised him. The way he looked at her… it was all I had to see to connect the dots.”
“他以为我不知道，但是......我几乎把他养大了。他看着她的方式......这就是我所看到的将点点滴滴连接起来的一切。

“Yet, you didn’t report him. Why? He would have been expelled from the Order then…”
“可是，你没有举报他。为什么？那时他就会被开除出教团了......”

“Exactly. We would have lost our best Jedi. And Anakin would have fallen straight into senator Palpatine’s welcoming arms, because even if Padme wasn’t as blind as everyone else — and she was a clever woman — Anakin wouldn’t have listened. I thought that maybe I could reason with him. Maybe if I look after him, he won’t be…”
“没错。我们会失去我们最好的绝地武士。而阿纳金会直接投入参议员帕尔帕廷欢迎的怀抱，因为即使帕德梅不像其他人那样盲目——而且她是一个聪明的女人——阿纳金也不会听。我想也许我可以和他讲道理。也许如果我照顾他，他就不会......”

“Wait. You knew about Palpatine back then?”
“等等。你那时就知道帕尔帕廷吗？

“I didn’t . I just had a bad feeling about him. Didn’t like him. But I couldn’t have imagined him being even Force-sensitive, let alone a Sith lord!”
“我没有。我只是对他有一种不好的预感。不喜欢他。但我无法想象他竟然对原力敏感，更不用说西斯领主了！

He didn’t tell Cal that he couldn’t stand the idea of losing Anakin like this. That he still cherished the peaceful moments they shared during missions, their lively chatter always brightening the mood, that the happiest moments of his entire life were those in which Anakin looked at him and smiled. That he himself was no better at following the Code; was walking too close to the line when the Clone Wars started. Duty came first, surely, but now, telling the story, he understood just how much had to remain untold. Some of decisions he made were tainted by attachment to his former Padawan, on the battlefield he always chose Anakin over others; over himself.
他没有告诉卡尔，他无法忍受这样失去阿纳金的想法。他仍然珍惜他们在任务中分享的宁静时刻，他们活泼的聊天总是让心情变得愉快，他一生中最快乐的时刻是阿纳金看着他微笑的时刻。他自己也并不擅长遵守法典;在克隆人战争开始时走得离线太近了。责任当然是第一位的，但现在，讲述这个故事，他明白了还有多少事情要说。他所做的一些决定被对前任 Padawan 的依恋所玷污，在战场上他总是选择阿纳金而不是其他人;超过他自己。

Perhaps, that was why Master Yoda denied his request to train another Padawan.
也许，这就是为什么尤达大师拒绝了他训练另一个 Padawan 的请求。

“He told me that I should let go of Anakin first. Give him more space.”
“他告诉我，我应该先放开阿纳金。给他更多的空间。

“And you did?”
“你做到了？”

“With the war raging on, there was little choice. We had separate missions most of the time, and when we met, things got… see, none of us was picture-perfect. But he still trusted me, and I trusted him. I remember he was so infuriated with Palpatine who told him to leave me behind once — that was a rescue mission, we’ve been rescuing a Sith lord, for Force’s sake! — and that was the last time I saw him. I had to go to Utapau, and then my troops turned on me. I thought it was bad — when I got to Coruscant, I learned that Anakin —”
“随着战争的肆虐，别无选择。我们大部分时间都有不同的任务，当我们见面时，事情变得......看，我们都没有完美的照片。但他仍然信任我，我也信任他。我记得他对帕尔帕廷非常生气，帕尔帕廷让他留下我一次——那是一次救援任务，我们一直在营救一位西斯领主，看在原力的份上！——那是我最后一次见到他。我不得不去乌塔堡，然后我的部队开始攻击我。我觉得这很糟糕——当我到了科鲁斯坎特时，我才知道阿纳金——”

He stalled, hand over his mouth in the same gesture like all those years ago. It hurt too much, no matter how many times he thought of what happened. Every Jedi in the Temple. All of the younglings, slayed by someone whose smile made Obi-Wan’s soul ache with love and affection.
他停住了脚步，用手捂住嘴巴，就像多年前一样。无论他想了多少次发生的事情，这都太痛苦了。神殿里的每一个绝地武士。所有的年轻人，都被一个人杀死，他的笑容让欧比旺的灵魂因爱和深情而痛苦。

“Why do I get the feeling that Master Yoda decided to teach you another kriffing lesson on attachment and sent you to kill your former Padawan?” Cal, for some reason, seemed angry.
“为什么我有一种感觉，尤达大师决定再教你一堂关于依恋的克里夫课，然后派你去杀掉你的前任帕达万？”不知为何，卡尔似乎很生气。

“He told me that I wasn’t strong enough to face Sidious. He was right, I guess.”
“他告诉我，我不够强大，无法面对 Sidious。我想他是对的。

Cal huffed, put down his cup, now empty, and stood up. He paced the room, braid swinging from one side to another, like a pendulum.
卡尔气喘吁吁，放下他的杯子，杯子现在已经空了，他站了起来。他在房间里踱步，辫子像钟摆一样从一边摆动到另一边。

“Oh and he was?! How amazingly that turned out! Kriffing slayed him! Oh and did his oversized brain forget the fact that Skywalker — correct me if I misinterpreted — is literally the child of the Force itself ?! Forgive me the analogy, but he is the closest thing ever existing to a god ! And you were supposed to fight him? Even though you still loved him? I can’t begin to imagine — no, I … actually… ”
“哦，他是？！结果多么神奇啊！克里芬杀了他！哦，他超大的大脑是不是忘记了天行者——如果我误解了，请纠正我——实际上是原力本身的孩子？！请原谅我的类比，但他是有史以来最接近神的东西！你应该和他打架吗？即使你仍然爱他？我无法开始想象——不，我......实际上。。。”

Obi-Wan watched as anger faded for a second from his Padawan’s face, before returning, multiplied a thousandfold; Cal’s hands curled into fists, as he rushed to the door.
欧比旺看着他的 Padawan 脸上的愤怒消退了一秒钟，然后又回来了，成倍增加了一千倍;卡尔的双手蜷缩成拳头，冲向门口。

“I’ll take the speeder. Need some air.”
“我来坐飞车。需要一些空气。

“Cal, wait!”
“卡尔，等等！”

Dammit.
该死。

Obi-Wan sprung up and followed him outside, but alas, too late. The sound of speeder engines powering — he could have reached out and held the speeder in place by the Force, it would have been easy, with how much he wanted to do it, but he knew better than to attempt it.
欧比旺跳起来跟着他走了出去，但可惜，太晚了。飞船引擎发动力的声音——他本可以伸出手来，让原力把飞船固定在原地，这本来很容易，以他多么想做的事，但他知道最好不要尝试。

“Whatever you do, please, be careful!”
“无论你做什么，请小心！”

He desperately hoped that Cal heard him, as he watched the speeder disappear over horizon, stars shining ever so brightly in the night sky.
他迫切地希望卡尔能听到他的声音，看着飞车消失在地平线上，星星在夜空中闪耀着如此耀眼的光芒。

Notes:
笔记：

Oh noes, Cal, where are you going?! It's dangerous!
哦，不，卡尔，你要去哪里？！这很危险！

Chapter 8: Cal Kestis
第 8 章：卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

I don't know what I would have been doing without your support, guys <3
我不知道如果没有你们的支持，我会做什么，伙计们 <3

your comments mean the world to me
您的评论对我来说意味着整个世界

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

The speeder zoomed above the desert, rising clouds of sand up into the air. Cal shut himself from the Force around him, didn’t want to listen to anything more; all he wanted was just that — to be as far away from — from everything — as possible. He couldn’t stand what he just heard. What his Master had been through — he knew what Skywalker had been through, he knew exactly what he felt towards Obi-Wan Kenobi when he jumped. The hatred, the defiance, and… bitterness. The one of a betrayed lover, if only Cal knew that feeling well enough to name it.
飞船在沙漠上空飞驰，沙云升至空中。卡尔把自己与周围的原力隔绝开来，不想再听什么了;他想要的只是——尽可能远离——远离一切。他无法忍受刚刚听到的一切。他的主人经历了什么——他知道天行者经历了什么，他确切地知道当他跳下时，他对欧比旺·克诺比的感受。仇恨、挑衅，还有......辛酸。一个被背叛的爱人，如果卡尔足够了解那种感觉就好了。

It should have never happened like that.
它不应该像那样发生。

Why didn’t this allwise Master Yoda suggest fighting Sidius together? Why sending Obi-Wan to fight his former Padawan? Why being that cruel?
为什么这位全能的尤达大师不建议一起对抗西迪乌斯呢？为什么要派欧比旺去与他的前帕达万战斗？为什么这么残忍？

Cruel, or simply blind?
残忍，还是盲目？

Cal didn’t care. For all he knew, this Jedi would be lucky to keep his limbs if they met right now. The anger boiled inside him, when —
卡尔不在乎。据他所知，如果他们现在相遇，这个绝地武士能保住他的四肢就已经很幸运了。他心里怒火沸腾，当——

Something flew towards him from the side. Sharp pain, then, a numbing feeling spreading through his body. Then another something, huge now — and a loud crash, the world spinning round as Cal couldn’t keep his grip on the speeder, then yells — battlecries, it seemed.
有什么东西从侧面向他飞来。然后，剧烈的疼痛，一种麻木的感觉在他的身体里蔓延。然后是另一个东西，现在已经很大了——一声巨响，当 Cal 无法抓住飞船时，世界旋转起来，然后大喊大叫——似乎是战斗的呐喊。

He rolled over the sand, his mouth suddenly full of the kriffing thing. He spit it out, tasted iron on his tongue, reached out to the Force. There were eight people around him, armed, anger radiating from all of them but one — the one seemed… interested? He could deal with them easily. His hand hovered over his lightsaber, but — no, he couldn’t use that.
他在沙地上翻滚，嘴里突然塞满了那个嘶吼嘶吼的东西。他吐了出来，在舌头上尝到了铁的味道，然后向原力伸出手。他周围有八个人，全副武装，除了一个人——那个看起来......感兴趣？他可以轻松对付他们。他的手悬停在他的光剑上，但是——不，他不能用那个。

He dodged a blow, and then another. And then one more after that. He could have used the Force to pull his enemies towards him and choke them, but… not really secretive either, if there were people here, there might be a settlement nearby, and this meant droids, and this meant cameras, and he couldn’t really sense non-living things. So, that was out of the question. He had to rely on his skills in close-in fighting, maybe something subtle as making his attackers trip, but that was it.
他躲过了一击，然后又躲过了另一击。然后又来了一场。他本可以使用原力将敌人拉向他并掐住他们的脖子，但是......也不是真的秘密，如果这里有人，附近可能有一个定居点，这意味着机器人，这意味着相机，他无法真正感知非生物。所以，这是不可能的。他不得不依靠自己的近身格斗技巧，也许是让攻击者绊倒这样微妙的事情，但仅此而已。

After fighting Obi-Wan Kenobi in a lightsaber duel it seemed easy. After weeks of rest it was really just that, until —
在与欧比旺·克诺比 （Obi-Wan Kenobi） 进行光剑决斗后，这似乎很容易。经过几周的休息，真的就是这样，直到——

He was wounded when they first knocked him off the speeder, the blood was dripping down to the sand, staining it crimson, as he moved. His head was going fuzzy from pain and blood loss, and he didn’t know how long he could last before —
当他们第一次将他从飞车上撞下来时，他受了伤，随着他的移动，鲜血滴落到沙子上，染成了深红色。他的头因疼痛和失血而变得模糊，他不知道自己还能坚持多久——

Before what?
之前什么？

He didn’t want to kill those people, but —
他不想杀那些人，但是——

He would eventually grow too tired to go on. He had to finish it before that happened, but the fight dragged on for what seemed like ages. He would make one trip and fall, dodge a hit, break somebody’s neck , but yet another attacker would be right in front of him, and it never seemed to end. They didn’t try to end him, either. They had ropes; they wanted him alive, and that’s what made it all the more scary. What did they want? Did they know who he was already? Was this his free pass to just unleash the Force on them, leaving nothing but lifeless corpses behind? No. No, those were no bounty hunters, they had no blasters, they had no speeders, not from what he could see, they didn’t fight like bounty hunters, no. It made him hesitate. But their leader wanted him . Cal was on the verge of panicking, when she stared at him — with just one eye, as the other one glinted in the light of the moon. A blood-red crystal, the colour of a Sith’s blade.
他最终会变得太累了，无法继续下去。他必须在那之前完成它，但这场战斗似乎拖了很长时间。他会绊倒一次，躲过一击，打断某人的脖子，但另一个攻击者就会出现在他面前，而且似乎永远不会结束。他们也没有试图结束他。他们有绳索;他们想让他活着，这就是让它更加可怕的原因。他们想要什么？他们已经知道他是谁了吗？这是他免费通行证，只是向他们释放原力，只留下毫无生气的尸体吗？不。不，那些不是赏金猎人，他们没有爆能枪，他们没有飞车，不是从他能看到的来看，他们不像赏金猎人那样战斗，不。这让他犹豫不决。但他们的领袖想要他。当卡尔盯着他时，她正处于恐慌的边缘——只有一只眼睛，另一只眼睛在月光下闪闪发光。一种血红色的晶体，是西斯之刃的颜色。

He was quick to collect himself though — and the fight dragged on for longer, until the corners of his visions started to darken.
不过他很快就镇定下来了——战斗持续了更长的时间，直到他的视野开始变得黑暗。

It was then he felt another presence in the Force, and seconds later heard a roar of an engine getting louder and coming to an abrupt halt. Then, quick steps. Then, his Master’s voice. Not the soft tones he was used to, but a solid-steel shout.
就在这时，他感觉到原力中又出现了另一个存在，几秒钟后，他听到了引擎的轰鸣声越来越大，突然停止了。然后，快速步骤。然后，是他师父的声音。不是他习惯的柔和语调，而是坚硬的呐喊。

“A'Yark! Leave him alone!”
“阿亚克！别管他！

The time itself seemed to freeze; no, it wasn’t the time, it was the Force; held every attacker in place except the one with the red crystal for an eye, who turned to speak with his Master, allowed Cal to back away.
时间本身似乎凝固了;不，不是时间，是原力;把所有攻击者都固定在原地，除了那个眼睛是红色水晶的那个，他转身和他的主人说话，让卡尔后退。

“Kenobi.”
“克诺比。”

They knew each other. So much Cal could tell, as he all, but fell to the sand, with a heavy sigh, leaning against the wrecked speeder. Cal closed his eyes and tried not to listen to the broken strings of Basic; his brain refused to process them anyway. There was something about a killed son, a blood debt, saving a tribe, and… oh, he didn’t care, he didn’t want to hear it, all he wanted was to be alone, away from all of this.
他们彼此了解。卡尔说了这么多，就像他一样，但还是倒在了沙地上，重重地叹了口气，靠在那辆失事的飞车上。卡尔闭上眼睛，尽量不去听 Basic 的断弦;无论如何，他的大脑都拒绝处理它们。关于一个被杀的儿子、一笔血债、拯救一个部落，还有......哦，他不在乎，他不想听，他只想一个人呆着，远离这一切。

He could meditate, perhaps, that’s what a Jedi knight would have done, but Cal struggled to find peace now, with his head too light and vision too blurry, the sands around him vibrating with the echo of a recent violence.
也许，他可以冥想，这就是绝地武士会做的事情，但卡尔现在努力寻找平静，他的头太轻，视力太模糊，他周围的沙子在最近暴力的回声中震动。

It was a bantha he collided with. Poor animal lay several feet away, life draining from its mangled body. Those people sent it to die a horrible death; they knew how it would end for the creature, and yet, when a weapon hitting its mark wasn’t enough…
那是他撞上的班塔。可怜的动物躺在几英尺远的地方，生命从它残破的身体中流走。那些人让它死得很惨;他们知道这个生物会有什么结局，然而，当武器击中目标还不够时......

There were more voices, now in a language he couldn’t understand, and rustle of sands, moving gradually further away..
有更多的声音，现在用一种他听不懂的语言，还有沙沙的沙沙声，逐渐远离......

“Those people are gone,” the Force whispered, and it could have been reassuring, but for Cal, it wasn’t. The Force in itself wasn’t a comfort, not when stained so much with the echoes of a fight, of death and suffering.
“那些人都走了，”原力低声说，这本来可以让人放心，但对卡尔来说，事实并非如此。原力本身并不是一种安慰，尤其是当它沾满了战斗、死亡和痛苦的回声时。

He shook his head and willed it to stay silent for now. He heard footsteps approaching.
他摇了摇头，希望它暂时保持沉默。他听到脚步声靠近。

“Didn’t I tell you to be careful, Padawan?”
“我不是告诉你要小心吗，帕达万？”

A bacta-soaked cloth was pressed against his side in a firm motion, and Cal hissed from the feel of it, combined with the sharp sting of guilt.
一块浸湿了巴克塔的布以坚定的动作压在他的身体两侧，卡尔因这种感觉而发出嘶嘶声，再加上内疚的尖锐刺痛。

“Hold it there until the bleeding stops, I’ll get the bandages.”
“按住它直到流血停止，我去拿绷带。”

Cal didn’t feel half as bad about his wounds. Those would heal. The speeder, however... He glanced from the wreckage to the sands, stained red by what happened.
卡尔对自己的伤口并没有感到难过。那些会治愈的。然而，飞车......他从残骸上瞥了一眼沙地，沙地被发生的事情染红了。

He heard his Master argue with someone in the distance; although it was a very one-sided argument, because Obi-Wan Kenobi stayed silent for the most of it.
他听到他的师父与远处的某人争论;尽管这是一个非常片面的争论，因为欧比旺·克诺比在大部分时间里都保持沉默。

Bitter words flew left and right, about mostly how his Master was a trouble for everyone, how he was putting everyone in danger and how he got enough killed already, and Cal lifted his head to see who had the insolence to say those words to a Jedi, but the world spun around him in a swirl of beige and crimson.
苦涩的话语左右飞来飞去，主要是关于他的主人如何给大家带来麻烦，他如何让每个人都处于危险之中，以及他如何已经被杀得够多了，卡尔抬起头来，想看看是谁有傲慢地对绝地武士说这些话，但世界在他周围旋转着，陷入了米色和深红色的漩涡。

He instinctively reached out for Master Kenobi through the Force and felt his presence wrap around him.
他本能地通过原力向克诺比大师伸出手，感觉到他的存在围绕着他。

“Cal, you still with me? Remember your training. Breath. Concentrate on the Force around you and...”
“卡尔，你还在我身边吗？记住你的训练。呼吸。专注于你周围的原力，然后......”

“Give the kid a damn stim, Kenobi!”
“给这孩子一个该死的刺激，克诺比！”

“He doesn’t need stims to-“
“他不需要刺激来——”

“He doesn’t need anymore of your Jedi bantha shit!”
“他不需要你那绝地班塔狗屎了！”

Cal heard a familiar pop of a stim container opening, felt something in his Master’s Force change. A decision was made, a boundary overstepped, something tainted the blinding-bright blue. But his voice was calm, when he spoke again. Serene.
Cal 听到了熟悉的刺激容器打开的噼啪声，感觉到他的 Master's Force 发生了什么变化。一个决定已经做出，一个界限被越过了，有什么东西玷污了那令人眼花缭乱的亮蓝色。但当他再次说话时，他的声音很平静。宁静。

“You don’t want to argue with me.”
“你不想跟我争论。”

“I don’t want to argue with you.”
“我不想和你争论。”

“You will be waiting by the landspeeder.”
“你会在陆地飞车旁边等着。”

“I will be waiting by the landspeeder.”
“我会在陆地飞船旁边等。”

“You will leave the medkit here.”
“你把医疗包留在这里。”

“I will leave the medkit here.”
“我把医疗包留在这里。”

Oh. That. Wasn’t really nice to somebody who wanted to help, probably. Wasn’t something he expected his Master to...
哦。那。可能对想要帮助的人不太友好。他不是期望他的主人......

He needed... right. Concentrate. He could do that. Not the echoes, but the Force.
他需要......右。集中。他可以做到这一点。不是回声，而是原力。

The warmth of the rising suns, the coarse sand under his gloved hand, each grain of it perfectly round, polished by years and years of endless travels across the desert, as dunes shifted, and shifted, and shifted — like waves — as storms came and went, in the endless current.
冉冉升起的太阳的温暖，他戴着手套的手下的粗糙沙子，每一粒沙子都完美圆润，经过年复一年在沙漠中无休止的旅行而抛光，沙丘在无尽的水流中移动、移动——就像波浪一样。

The Force was everywhere. It flowed through every grain of sand, every stone, every drop of blood that landed on the ground.
原力无处不在。它流淌着每一粒沙子，每一块石头，每一滴落在地上的血。

And if he tried he could pull it towards him. The Force could give him the same thing stims did — energy for his body to function, but not just that; the Force could help him heal. If he tried hard enough, so he did. Sorted through every grain of sand, every rock, brushed his mind against the bent metal of the speeder, against the still warm corpse of a bantha; the Force was silent within those. Cal couldn’t quite grasp it, as if he was trying to catch air. It seemed that the traces of the Force on Tatooine were just... that. Traces. Hints, but nothing more. And one couldn’t breath with just a hint of air.
如果他尝试，他可以把它拉向他。原力可以给他带来与刺激相同的东西——让他的身体运作的能量，但不仅如此;原力可以帮助他治愈。如果他足够努力，他就会这样做。他整理了每一粒沙子，每一块岩石，他的思绪拂过飞船弯曲的金属，拂过仍然温暖的班塔尸体;原力在那些里面是沉默的。卡尔不太明白，仿佛他正试图捕捉空气。看来，塔图因原力的痕迹只是......那。痕迹。暗示，但仅此而已。而且一个人不能只靠一丝空气来呼吸。

He felt a steady hand cover his own, where he tried to keep a bacta-soaked cloth against his wound. His Master’s blue was like a beacon in the night, a guiding light, a pleasant breeze in the desert heat, soft waves of a freshwater lake.
他感觉到一只稳定的手捂住了自己的手，他试图用一块浸湿了巴克塔的布贴住他的伤口。他主人的蓝色就像黑夜中的灯塔，一盏指路明灯，沙漠炎热中的宜人微风，淡水湖的柔和波浪。

“I’m here for you. My Force is here for you.”
“我在这里等你。我的原力在这里为你服务。

It was, and Cal could feel it flow through him, the gradual tide of energy filling his body as the pain became numb, subsided to — almost, and then — nothing. It was so different to stims; there was no rush of adrenaline, no sudden desire to spring into action, his focus remained locked exactly where it was, as the Force didn’t overwhelm him, it... it offered a more gentle kind of support, it seemed.
确实如此，卡尔能感觉到它流过他，随着疼痛变得麻木，能量逐渐充满他的身体，消退到——几乎，然后——什么都没有。它与刺激截然不同;没有肾上腺素的激增，没有突然采取行动的欲望，他的注意力仍然锁定在原地，因为原力并没有压倒他，它......它似乎提供了一种更温和的支持。

His vision wasn’t a blur anymore.
他的视线不再模糊。

His Master looked at him with gentle eyes and a hint of a smile.
他的师父用温柔的眼神和一丝微笑看着他。

“Feel better, Padawan?”
“感觉好些了吗，爸爸？”

Cal gave him a short nod and tried to jump to his feet but was held firmly in place.
卡尔向他点了点头，试图跳起来，但被牢牢地固定在了原地。

“Easy, your injuries didn’t go anywhere. Now, let me help you.”
“很简单，你的伤没有去任何地方。现在，让我来帮你。

Cal didn’t feel much of the pain at all, nor as his Master quickly put a bandage over the wound, nor as they made their way to the landspeeder, where a stranger — his Master’s acquaintance — stood, radiating his distaste towards everything around him. He was a simple man with a simple mind, easy to read. His name was Owen Lars, he lived on a moisture farm not too far from their own home. He liked simple things. Didn’t understand the Force. Didn’t understand his stepbrother, who was now dead. He was protective of his wife and his adoptive son, the one whom —
卡尔根本没有感觉到太多的痛苦，当他的师父迅速用绷带包扎伤口时，也没有当他们走向陆地飞车时，一个陌生人——他师父的熟人——站在那里，散发着他对周围一切的厌恶。他是个简单的人，头脑简单，容易读懂。他叫 Owen Lars，住在离他们家不太远的一个水分农场。他喜欢简单的东西。不了解原力。不理解他的继兄弟，他现在已经死了。他保护着他的妻子和养子，那个——

Cal felt his Master shut him down.
卡尔觉得他的师父把他关了下来。

“There is a thing called privacy, Cal.”
“有一种东西叫隐私，卡尔。”

This line wasn’t spoken aloud, but through their bond, a feeling that Cal missed since... since the day Jaro Tapal died, protecting him, their bond ripped at that moment. The memory still hurt, but no more than it was supposed to. He still felt guilty about not being good enough, but no more than he was supposed to. The pain has become a part of him, part of his past, shaped who he was, in a way.
这句话不是大声说出来的，而是通过他们的纽带说出来的，这种感觉让卡尔从那以后就错过了......自从 Jaro Tapal 为了保护他而去世的那一天起，他们的纽带就在那一刻撕裂了。这段记忆仍然很痛苦，但并没有超过它应该的程度。他仍然为自己不够好而感到内疚，但并没有超过他应该做的程度。痛苦已经成为他的一部分，他过去的一部分，在某种程度上塑造了他是谁。

“Hey, kid, you all good? You sure showed those Tuskens a hell of a fight!”
“嘿，孩子，你们都好吗？你真是向那些塔斯肯人展示了一场地狱般的战斗！

Owen seemed much friendlier towards him, than he was towards his Master.
欧文似乎对他比对他的主人友好得多。

“I’m fine, thank you.”
“我没事，谢谢你。”

Yet, despite the unfriendliness and all, Owen still helped. Why was that? He clearly hated him, clearly wasn’t mind-tricked into helping, wasn’t afraid of him either.
然而，尽管存在不友好和一切，欧文仍然提供帮助。为什么呢？他显然很讨厌他，显然没有被骗去帮忙，也不怕他。

The three of them made it all the way back home in silence, Owen was the one driving, as Cal settled in the backseat, clinging to Master Kenobi for support — more of an emotional tether, than a way to deal with lingering pain — as there was, to his surprise, none. His head was just feeling fuzzy. He had no reason to be clingy, but he was; buried his face on his Master’s shoulder, marveling at how — how come there was no anger, no reprimand, no anything?
他们三个一路默默地回到了家，Owen是开车的人，而Cal坐在后座上，紧紧抓住Kenobi大师寻求支持——与其说是一种情感上的束缚，不如说是一种处理挥之不去的痛苦的方式——因为令他惊讶的是，根本没有。他的头只是感觉模糊不清。他没有理由粘人，但他确实如此;把脸埋在他主人的肩膀上，惊奇地——怎么没有愤怒，没有训斥，什么都没有？

Cal remembered Master Tapal. Master Tapal would have been giving him a talk right now, with danger out of the way, not stroking his hair, wouldn’t have allowed that closeness, that comfort.
卡尔想起了塔帕尔大师。塔帕尔大师现在就给他谈话，避开危险，不抚摸他的头发，就不会允许那种亲密，那种安慰。

Surely it might just be the case that Master Kenobi was saving a lecture for another time, but Cal felt that he just won’t be getting one. Maybe just another “didn’t I tell you to be careful”, but apart from that, no, there wouldn’t be a thing. And, perhaps, that was worse. Being treated with such kindness after making costly, stupid mistakes, oh he wished he didn’t lash out like this, he should have stayed, should have known better —
当然，可能只是克诺比大师把讲座留到下次再说，但卡尔觉得他就是不会得到。也许只是另一个“我不是告诉你要小心吗”，但除此之外，不，什么都不会有。也许，情况更糟。在犯下代价高昂的愚蠢错误后受到如此善意的对待，哦，他希望自己没有像这样猛烈抨击，他应该留下来，应该更清楚——

“Cal, it’s alright. I did many reckless things when I was your age. I even flew a single-pilot craft through the starship's corridors.”
“卡尔，没事。我像你这个年纪的时候做了很多鲁莽的事情。我甚至驾驶了一架单人驾驶飞船穿过星际飞船的走廊。

“Oh?”
“哦？”

“It was in a much worse shape than our speeder afterwards. It wasn’t even mine.”
“它的形状比我们之后的飞车要糟糕得多。它甚至不是我的。

“How come?” Cal looked up, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.
“怎么会这样？”卡尔抬起头，眼中闪耀着好奇的光芒。

Obi-Wan smiled and proceeded with the story, his voice quiet, almost a murmur, as he told of his adventures with Qui-Gon Jinn; signing treaties and freeing slaves, working with jewellery thieves, unexpected turns at each corner and a prophecy coming true. When a kyber that is not kyber shines forth —
欧比旺微笑着继续讲故事，他的声音很安静，几乎是喃喃自语，讲述了他与 Qui-Gon Jinn 的冒险经历;签署条约和释放奴隶，与珠宝窃贼合作，每个角落都有意想不到的转弯，预言成真。当一个不是 kyber 的 kyber 闪耀时——

Owen dropped them off, without as much as saying goodbye. Not to his Master, anyway.
欧文把他们送走了，连说再见都没说。反正不是对他的主人。

Cal looked at their speeder, hauled to the hut’s wall by his Master, its frame mangled, but still in one piece. On Bracca they scrapped ships, mostly, but… he saw many things in worse shape. He thought that maybe he could repair it. Give it a try.
卡尔看着他们的飞车，被他的主人拖到小屋的墙上，车架破损不堪，但仍然完好无损。在 Bracca，他们大部分都报废了船只，但是......他看到许多事情都处于更糟糕的境地。他想也许他可以修复它。试一试。

He didn’t have a chance to voice this idea, though, as he was, once again, the center of his Master’s attention. And BD-1’s, the droid beeped loudly as they entered.
不过，他没有机会说出这个想法，因为他又一次成为了他师父关注的焦点。而 BD-1 的机器人在他们进来时发出响亮的哔哔声。

“I’ve been worried about you,” Obi-Wan admitted, as he made Cal sit down on the bed, “Although I had no reason to be. You handled that fight well. The level of crowd-control you have is praiseworthy, the fine Force manipulation was also skillfully executed.”
“我一直很担心你，”欧比旺承认道，他让卡尔在床上坐下，“虽然我没有理由担心。你处理得很好。你的人群控制水平值得称赞，精细的原力操纵也执行得很巧妙。

“I still got hurt.”
“我还是受伤了。”

“That was before the fight started.”
“那是在比赛开始之前。”

“Doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have lasted much longer. And they didn’t want to kill me, they…”
“没关系。我不会坚持太久。他们不想杀我，他们......”

“I know. It changes nothing, Cal. Tuskens might not be Force-sensitive, but they are warriors. And you held back, didn’t you?”
“我知道。它什么也没改变，卡尔·塔斯肯人可能对原力不敏感，但他们是战士。你退缩了，不是吗？

To that, Cal had no answer. It was true. He did hold back, and with this, well…
对此，卡尔没有答案。这是真的。他确实忍住了，就这样，嗯......

“Now, let me see to that wound you have, seemed to bleed like hell.”
“现在，让我看看你的那个伤口，好像流血一样。”

True. Strangely, it didn’t hurt anymore. Cal didn’t argue, though. With a nod, he took off his poncho and pulled up his vest. Kept his eyes on the bandages, soaked through with blood and bacta, but already starting to dry. He held his breath, almost anticipating pain, as his Master cut through the strips of fabric to remove them. He thought he would see a ripped wound, deep and ugly, something that would take weeks to fully heal even if submerged in bacta. He could imagine how much it would hurt to move around with an injury such as this.
真。奇怪的是，它不再痛了。不过，卡尔没有争论。他点了点头，脱下了雨披，拉起了背心。他的眼睛一直盯着绷带，绷带被血和巴克塔浸透了，但已经开始变干了。他屏住呼吸，几乎预料到会感到疼痛，因为他的主人正在切开布条以去除它们。他以为他会看到一个撕裂的伤口，又深又丑，即使浸没在巴克塔中，也需要数周才能完全愈合。他可以想象在受这样的伤的情况下四处走动会有多痛苦。

“Oh Force,” his Master sounded stunned by what he saw.
“哦，原力，”他的主人听起来被他所看到的惊呆了。

To be honest, Cal was too.
老实说，卡尔也是。

There was no wound. Where was blood, mixed with bacta, dried in places, but the injury itself was gone, without even leaving a scar.
没有伤口。血液在哪里，混杂着巴克塔，有些地方干了，但伤口本身已经消失了，甚至没有留下疤痕。

They stared at each other for a good minute before finally a silent decision to meditate on this later was passed. Until then, uncertainty lingered in the air, because they lived in a world which offered no simple miracles, and the Force was no magic . The fact that his Master was just as shocked by the fact as he was proved that he had nothing to do with how fast — and how completely — it healed. At least he wasn’t expecting this result, when he shared his energy; well… they have a lot to talk about, that’s for sure.
他们互相凝视了好一分钟，最后默默地决定稍后再冥想这个问题。在那之前，空气中弥漫着不确定性，因为他们生活在一个没有简单奇迹的世界里，原力也不是魔法。他的师父和他一样被这个事实震惊的事实证明，他与它愈合的速度和彻底程度无关。至少他没有预料到这个结果，当他分享他的能量时;井。。。他们有很多话要说，这是肯定的。

If only… if only there was anybody else to turn to and ask.
苟。。。要是有其他人可以求助就好了。

Cal half-expected to be told not to overthink it, but it never came. Instead, several hours later, after a sonic shower and a meal, after his clothes were cleaned from the bloodstains, he felt two people approach their home, one of them so bright, like a little shooting star, a hint of green swirling around.
卡尔半信半疑地希望有人告诉他不要想太多，但它从未到来。然而，几个小时后，在一次声波淋浴和一顿饭之后，在他的衣服上洗干净血迹后，他感觉到有两个人接近他们的家，其中一个人是如此明亮，就像一颗小流星，一丝绿色在周围盘旋。

Cal was sitting on the floor, reading one of the ancient texts, calm, focused. A knock on the door came.
卡尔坐在地板上，平静而专注地阅读着其中一本古老的文本。敲门声传来。

Master Kenobi went to open it. He was just as serene in the Force as always, but his shoulders seemed tense; Cal could not quite define as to why that was.
克诺比大师去打开它。他在原力中一如既往地平静，但他的肩膀似乎紧绷着;卡尔无法完全定义为什么会这样。

A woman stood in the doorframe, a bag across her shoulder, she held a small child by the hand. He was no older than six, probably only five years of age. Cal reached out to them instinctively, but got pushed right back, it almost hurt with how completely his Master shielded those two from him. A durasteel — no, bescar — wall of defense, but why? Why, why ?
一个女人站在门框上，肩上挎着一个袋子，她手里牵着一个小孩。他不超过六岁，可能只有五岁。卡尔本能地向他们伸出手，但被直接推了回去，他的主人把那两个人完全地保护起来，几乎要疼了。一道坚韧的钢铁——不，贝斯卡——防御墙，但为什么呢？为什么，为什么？

He wanted to ask, but didn’t. Kept his mouth shut.
他想问，但没有。他闭上了嘴。

“Beru, Luke, please come in,” his Master sounded cheerful, perhaps too much so, but not entirely sincere. “What brings you here?”
“贝鲁，卢克，请进来，”他的主人听起来很欢快，也许太过分了，但并不完全真诚。“你怎么来的？”

“I know what happened. Owen told me about what you did. Don’t ever do it again.” she told sternly, as she went inside. “But I’m not here to argue with you, I’m here to give you something.”
“我知道发生了什么。Owen 跟我说了你做了什么。永远不要再这样做了。“她走进屋子时严肃地说。“但我不是来和你争论的，我是来给你一些东西的。”

She let go of the child, and reached inside her bag, retrieved several small packages.
她放开了孩子，把手伸进她的包里，拿出了几个小包裹。

“Some mushrooms and herbs we grow on vaporators; give them to your kid, whoever he…”
“我们在蒸发器上种植了一些蘑菇和草药;把它们给你的孩子，不管他是谁......”

“Beru, I can’t accept it, and Cal will be fine, we have…”
“贝鲁，我不能接受，卡尔会没事的，我们有......”

“I insist. We don’t usually get an opportunity to talk, but I know that you do a great deal for us, so consider this a thanks. You won’t get much more than that on Tatooine, so don’t refuse.”
“我坚持。我们通常没有机会交谈，但我知道您为我们做了很多事情，所以请把这视为感谢。你在塔图因不会得到更多的东西，所以不要拒绝。

Cal carefully stood up, and it was then she noticed him. They exchanged nods, Cal smiled, and she decided, for some reason, to talk to him instead of his Master. The packages were in his hands now, and he went to the kitchen to stuff them in the cupboards. With the corners of his eyes he saw his Master kneel to talk with the boy — blue eyes, blond hair, endless curiosity, and the boy for some reason went straight to him.
卡尔小心翼翼地站起来，就在这时她注意到了他。他们交换了点头，卡尔微笑了，出于某种原因，她决定和他说话，而不是和他的主人说话。包裹现在在他手里，他去厨房把它们塞进橱柜里。他用眼角的余光看到他的师父跪下来和男孩说话——蓝眼睛，金发，无尽的好奇心，不知为何，男孩径直走向他。

“You are a Jedi too, right?” Beru spoke in a very quiet voice, almost a whisper. “A Padawan learner?”
“你也是绝地武士，对吧？”Beru 用非常小的声音说，几乎是耳语。“一个学徒？”

“Yeah.”
“是的。”

She stayed silent for a long while. Didn’t like his Master either, so it seemed.
她沉默了很长一段时间。看起来也不喜欢他的师父。

“I’m glad Ben finally found himself somebody to train.”
“我很高兴 Ben 终于找到了可以训练的人。”

Cal had nothing to say to that, so he stayed silent on the matter, offered their guest some tea instead, to change the subject, she accepted. Drank it in silence, obviously listening to voices carrying over from another room.
卡尔对此无话可说，所以他对这件事保持沉默，反而请他们的客人喝茶，以转移话题，她接受了。默默地喝了一口，显然是听着从另一个房间传来的声音。

“She’s giving him time to talk to the child!” Cal figured out, but this made things even more confusing. So the child was Force-sensitive. Why that “finally” in her words then? He had too many questions, all of them remaining unanswered. He reached out to his Master, but no luck; beskar shields were still there.
“她给他时间跟孩子说话！”卡尔想通了，但这让事情变得更加混乱。所以这个孩子对原力很敏感。那么为什么她的话里说“终于”呢？他有太多的问题，但都没有答案。他向他的师父伸出援手，但没有运气;贝斯卡盾牌还在那里。

He resorted to being helpful.
他求助于乐于助人。

And if that meant meaningless chatter, keeping a conversation going, he would do exactly that. Keep their guest occupied for as long as he could.
如果这意味着无意义的喋喋不休，保持对话的进行，他就会这样做。让他们的客人尽可能长时间地忙碌。

“Would you like some more tea?”
“你要不要再喝点茶？”

Notes:
笔记：

A sudden Force-heal, and an encounter with his Master's past! Poor Cal has a lot to meditate on, but don't worry! He will manage.
突如其来的原力治愈，与他主人的过去相遇！可怜的卡尔有很多值得深思的地方，但别担心！他会做到的。

Chapter 9: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 9 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

Again, guys, thank you so much for your comments and kudos it means so much <3
再次，伙计们，非常感谢你们的评论和点赞，这意味着 <3

This chapter is somehow dialogue-heavy, everyone is suddenly talking.
这一章不知何故对话很多，每个人都突然开始说话。

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

It was the first time he saw Luke this close, was allowed to speak to him, to interact somehow, in years. Larses were good at keeping their distance, every time Obi-Wan visited them, he was told that Luke was somewhere in the other room, or sleeping, or whatever else, so just leave, Kenobi, we don’t need you, take whatever you’ve brought with you and keep us out of your trouble. It quickly became clear that they didn’t want him to see the boy at all. Didn’t want him to share the stories of being a Jedi, of other planets and distant stars, didn’t want the boy to ever touch the Force, but that... oh, that wasn’t possible.
这是他多年来第一次如此近距离地看到Luke，被允许与他交谈，以某种方式进行互动。拉塞斯很擅长保持距离，每次欧比旺来看他们时，他都会被告知卢克在另一个房间的某个地方，或者正在睡觉，或者其他什么，所以就走吧，克诺比，我们不需要你，带上你带来的一切，让我们远离你的麻烦。很快就明白了，他们根本不想让他看到这个男孩。不想让他分享成为绝地武士的故事，分享其他行星和遥远星辰的故事，不想让这个男孩接触原力，但是......哦，那是不可能的。

And through it all Obi-Wan saw Owen’s influence, surely. He didn’t argue with him, no. Submitted to his rules, abided, because it was his home, and he didn’t want to overstep a boundary. He entrusted Anakin’s son to his family, to the Force, and although he sometimes wanted — ached — to, he wouldn’t intervene. He did what little he could do; built little models of starships out of scraps for Luke to play with, left them on Shmi Skywalker’s grave. He brought supplies to Larses each time he had a chance, although he knew that they could do fine without them. He spent his days watching over their home, protecting them from whatever dangers that might come — until Cal stumbled into his life. He still checked back regularly, but much to Owen’s delight his visits were cut short — he couldn’t allow his Padawan to know about Luke, about Larses, about so many things. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Cal, but...
通过这一切，欧比旺肯定看到了欧文的影响力。他没有和他争论，没有。服从他的规则，遵守，因为那是他的家，他不想越界。他把阿纳金的儿子托付给他的家人，交给原力，尽管他有时想——很痛苦——但他不会干预。他做了他能做的一点点;用废料制作了星际飞船的小模型供卢克玩耍，将它们留在 Shmi Skywalker 的坟墓上。他一有机会就给 Larses 带来补给品，尽管他知道没有补给品他们也能过得很好。他整天都在看守他们的家，保护他们免受任何可能到来的危险——直到卡尔偶然进入了他的生活。他仍然定期回来查看，但令 Owen 高兴的是，他的访问被缩短了——他不能让他的 Padawan 知道 Luke，Larses，这么多事情。不是他不信任卡尔，而是......

It was exactly that.
正是这样。

He just didn’t want to admit it. Nor aloud, nor even in his thoughts. Cal didn’t deserve his mistrust, but Luke’s safety came first, overridden the fragile connection they shared, and Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate to shield everything. Too hastily, because he didn’t expect Cal to be the one to pry after Owen, because he believed Cal to be too obedient to try, and yet... perhaps it was instinct. Perhaps, he just forgot that Cal’s true dream was to rebuild on the ashes of what was left of the Order — his quest for the holocron a silent proof — and here was a Force-sensitive child standing right in front of him. “Like a little shooting star” — his Padawan’s thought slipped through, not his.
他就是不想承认。也没有大声说出来，甚至在他的思想里也没有。卡尔不值得他的不信任，但卢克的安全是第一位的，超越了他们共同的脆弱联系，欧比旺毫不犹豫地屏蔽了一切。太仓促了，因为他没想到卡尔会是那个撬动欧文的人，因为他认为卡尔太听话了，不会尝试，然而......也许是本能。也许，他只是忘记了卡尔真正的梦想是在组织残存的灰烬上重建——他对全息仪的追求是一个无声的证据——而一个对原力敏感的孩子就站在他面前。“就像一颗小流星”——他的 Padawan 的想法溜走了，而不是他的。

He will have to deal with this mess later. Right now...
他以后将不得不处理这个烂摊子。马上。。。

Luke.
卢克。

As Cal led Beru away, the boy came up to him, eyes wide, smile a touch shy, mind open. The Force sang around him, not yet colored, but with a promise, a slight hint of green, and not blue, but nonetheless the feel of it so recognizable, so kindred to Anakin, that Obi-Wan’s heart ached.
当卡尔带着贝鲁走时，那个男孩走到他面前，睁大了眼睛，笑得有点害羞，头脑敞开心扉。原力在他周围歌唱，还没有着色，但带有承诺，略带绿色，而不是蓝色，但尽管如此，它的感觉是如此可识别，与阿纳金如此亲近，以至于欧比旺的心痛。

For the longest, sweetest moments they just sat on the floor and talked. Well, it was Luke who did the talking; about his plans, how he would one day explore the stars, become a bounty hunter, or maybe a pirate? Or an explorer. Or a racer! Or even better... the list went on endlessly, and Obi-Wan smiled, unable to contain his happiness as it seemed to wash over everyone present — even through the shielding.
在最漫长、最甜蜜的时刻，他们只是坐在地板上聊天。嗯，是卢克在说话;关于他的计划，他有一天将如何探索星空，成为一名赏金猎人，或者成为一名海盗？或者是一个探险家。或者赛车手！或者更好的是......名单没完没了，欧比旺笑了，无法抑制自己的喜悦，因为它似乎冲刷了在场的每个人——即使隔着屏蔽。

He knew it did, because he felt Cal’s dulled anxiety spike and even out in the background, leaving behind only the distant hum of “ why ” and “hurts”.
他知道确实如此，因为他感觉到卡尔迟钝的焦虑在背景中飙升，甚至消失了，只留下遥远的“为什么”和“伤害”的嗡嗡声。

It might have been wise to call after him and reassure him. But Obi-Wan didn’t.
打电话给他并安抚他可能是明智的。但欧比旺没有。

“Why does uncle Owen hate you so much?” Luke asked him, tilting his head to the side just a bit.
“欧文叔叔为什么这么恨你？”Luke问他，把头稍微歪向一边。

“Where did you get this idea from?”
“你从哪里得到这个主意？”

And when did Larses decide to tell the boy that they weren’t his parents? How much more did they decide to tell him? How much more was Obi-Wan exactly missing? He supposed, it was a lot. He didn’t like it, but he couldn’t help it. He had to accept it and let it go.
Larses 是什么时候决定告诉这个男孩他们不是他的父母？他们决定告诉他多少呢？欧比旺到底少了多少？他想，这很多。他不喜欢这样，但他也忍不住。他必须接受它并放手。

“He just does. I feel it. And today when he returned he told aunt Beru that he hated you. Why?”
“他就是这样做。我感觉到了。今天他回来时告诉贝鲁阿姨，他恨你。为什么？

“People tend to fear things they don’t understand. Fear leads to hatred. Your uncle doesn’t understand me, so he’s angry with me most of the time. I don’t think he truly hates me, Luke,” Obi-Wan allowed himself to reach out and pat the boy on his head, blond hair soft under his palm, just like Anakin’s once were. Even softer. No. He shouldn’t be comparing. It was wrong.
“人们往往害怕他们不理解的事情。恐惧导致仇恨。你叔叔不理解我，所以他大部分时间都对我生气。我不认为他真的恨我，卢克，“欧比旺允许自己伸手拍拍男孩的头，金发在他的手掌下柔软，就像阿纳金曾经一样。甚至更柔和。不。他不应该进行比较。这是错误的。

“But you are kind! I can feel it. Can’t he feel it?” Luke sounded frustrated as he looked down, his hands curled into little fists.
“可是你真善良！我能感觉到。他感觉不到吗？Luke低头看去，双手蜷缩成小拳头，听起来很沮丧。

“Not all people can feel the world like you do, young one. You cannot judge them for it,” he offered quietly.
“不是所有人都能像你一样感受这个世界，年轻人。你不能因此评判他们，“他轻声说。

“But they judge me all right,” Luke huffed and flopped down onto one of the pillows left on the floor where Cal was sitting minutes ago.
“但他们对我的评价还不错，”Luke气喘吁吁地瘫倒在几分钟前Cal坐着的地板上剩下的一个枕头上。

“What do you mean?”
“你什么意思？”

“When I get frustrated with something. Or something doesn’t work out. You know. I get angry and the air around seems to get thick, and it’s scary. And they say I imagine it but I don’t. But they say I’m making it up. And there’s no such thing. And they do it all the time.”
“当我对某件事感到沮丧时。或者有什么事情没有解决。你知道的。我很生气，周围的空气似乎变得浓稠，这很可怕。他们说我想象出来了，但我没有。但他们说我是编的。而且没有这样的事情。他们一直在这样做。

Of course they did. And of course it happened. Without proper training Luke didn’t know how to handle the Force flowing through him, dormant, but amplified by the slightest hint of emotion. He wanted to help — but he couldn’t — he wanted to help. He would show Luke how to deal with it before it gets worse. He wouldn’t tell him what they will be doing, and Owen will never know it has something to do with the Force.
他们当然知道。当然，它发生了。没有适当的训练，Luke不知道如何处理流经他的原力，他处于休眠状态，但被最轻微的情感所放大。他想帮忙——但他不能——他想帮忙。他会告诉卢克如何在情况变得更糟之前处理它。他不会告诉他他们将要做什么，而 Owen 永远不会知道这与原力有关。

“I want to show you a little trick you can use when you feel on edge. It will help you be more in control of what you feel.”
“我想向你展示一个当你感到紧张时可以使用的小技巧。它会帮助你更好地控制自己的感受。

He used to teach a class on meditation to the younglings in the Temple, so explaining Luke what to do came naturally even if he had to avoid words like “the Force” or any connotations of it. He had his doubts of welcoming Luke to his mind, however, but seeing his troubles maintaining focus, decided that it would be fine. He just had to make sure to keep his own concentration in check.
他曾经在寺庙里给年轻人上过一门冥想课，所以解释卢克该怎么做是很自然的，即使他不得不避免使用“原力”之类的词或任何含义。然而，他对是否欢迎卢克心存疑虑，但看到他的烦恼无法保持专注，他决定这没事。他只需要确保控制自己的注意力。

Luke was a quick learner, he realized that he could rely on Obi-Wan’s mind to guide him into a welcome trance-like state where worry and anger didn’t exist and was eager to wrap himself in the calming, soothing blue of his Force. A frown faded from his face, replaced first by a smile, and then by a calm expression a true Jedi could wear with pride any day.
卢克学得很快，他意识到他可以依靠欧比旺的思想来引导他进入一种受欢迎的恍惚状态，在那里不存在担忧和愤怒，他渴望将自己包裹在他的原力的平静、舒缓的蓝色中。他脸上的皱眉消失了，先是微笑，然后是真正的绝地武士随时都可以自豪地穿着的平静表情。

Minutes passed, and then an hour.
几分钟过去了，然后是一个小时。

Obi-Wan could feel Cal panic somewhere in the edges of his mind just a second before Beru stepped out of the kitchen.
欧比旺能感觉到卡尔在他脑海边缘的某个地方感到恐慌，就在贝鲁走出厨房的前一秒。

“I’ve never seen him so quiet for so long, what have you done to him?” she almost scolded, but it was a kind-hearted remark.
“我从来没有见过他这么安静这么久，你对他做了什么？”她几乎要骂人一句，但那是一句善意的话。

It was time to let go.
是时候放手了。

He didn’t want to.
他不想。

Force , he didn’t want to.
力，他不想。

Cal stared at him from across the room, unease painted across his face, his worry thrumming through their bond, as he made no effort to shield it, feelings laid bare before his Master.
卡尔从房间的另一头盯着他，脸上写满了不安，他的担忧在他们的纽带中嗡嗡作响，因为他没有努力掩饰它，感情在他的主人面前暴露无遗。

With a softest sigh Obi-Wan gently pushed Luke out of their meditative trance and stood up.
欧比旺轻轻地叹了口气，轻轻地将卢克从冥想的恍惚状态中推了出来，站了起来。

“Come now, young one, it’s time for you to go home. It was nice to see you.”
“来吧，小家伙，你该回家了。很高兴见到你。

He felt as if he had to cut open his own chest, the wound deep and ugly, bleeding dark crimson into the Force, the burning cold sadness — it might be years before he has a chance to see the boy again, and he truly wanted —
他觉得自己好像必须切开自己的胸膛，那深邃而丑陋的伤口，流淌着深红色的原力，灼热冰冷的悲伤——他可能要过几年才有机会再见到那个男孩，他真的很想——

There was no emotion, there was peace.
没有情绪，只有平静。

There was no attachment. Not anymore. He knew that his eyes were distant as he looked at young Skywalker, as the boy got up and offered him a small smile before looking at Cal.
没有执着。现在不是了。当他看着年轻的天行者时，他知道自己的眼睛很遥远，因为男孩站起来，向他微微一笑，然后看向卡尔。

“Oh. And you are like a lens. You don’t have much of anything yourself, but if something shines through you, it might even burn.”
“哦。而你就像一个镜头。你自己什么都没有，但如果有东西照进你身上，它甚至可能会燃烧。

Cal chuckled uncomfortably, but otherwise stayed silent. Beru took Luke by the hand and led him outside, saying goodbye on her way out. She was visibly uncomfortable with her charge’s sudden observations.
卡尔不舒服地笑了笑，但除此之外保持沉默。贝鲁拉着卢克的手，领着他走出去，在出门时告别。她显然对她的负责人的突然观察感到不舒服。

“I’ll see you both next week!” Luke shouted, waving at them, as his aunt tried to get him into the landspeeder. “Bye!”
“下周见！”卢克大喊着，向他们挥手，他的姨妈试图把他带上陆地飞车。“再见！”

Obi-Wan was a bit surprised to hear that, but didn’t reply; waited for them both to leave, watched the landspeeder disappear beyond the horizon, and only then gradually lowered the defences he had built around Luke and Beru. He expected Cal to fill all available space with anxiety and worry, leaving nothing else, like Anakin would have done , but his Padawan did nothing of the sort, his feelings still somehow dulled and shy; a hum, not a scream.
欧比旺听到这话有点惊讶，但没有回答;等他们俩离开，看着陆地飞船消失在地平线之外，然后才逐渐降低他围绕卢克和贝鲁建立的防御。他希望卡尔能用焦虑和担忧填满所有可用的空间，什么都不留，就像阿纳金会做的那样，但他的学徒什么也没做，他的感情仍然不知何故迟钝和害羞;嗡嗡声，而不是尖叫。

He saw him on the verge of saying something, hesitating, indecisive. Saw him lower his eyes and pick up a pillow from the floor, pausing for just a moment.
他看到他几乎要说什么，犹豫不决，优柔寡断。看到他低下眼睛，从地板上捡起一个枕头，停顿了一会儿。

“I understand now,” he said finally, voice quiet, with a slight sad undertone, “...why you chose this place. This desert. I’ve been wondering, if all the places, why this, but now, I think, I get it.”
“我现在明白了，”他终于说，声音平静，带着些许悲伤，“......为什么选择这个地方。这片沙漠。我一直在想，如果所有的地方，为什么会这样，但现在，我想，我明白了。

It sounded intriguing, Obi-Wan decided not to interrupt him.
这听起来很有趣，欧比旺决定不打断他。

“This boy, you wish to train him, don’t you? And I just came and ruined it. Left you with no choice but to take me. A hindrance on your chosen path.”
“这孩子，你想训练他，不是吗？我只是来毁了它。让你别无选择，只能带我走。你选择的道路上的障碍。

Not too far from truth. Yet, the conclusion his Padawan derived from it was deplorable. It was sad that Cal’s soul harboured so much self-doubt, but what could Obi-Wan do to help him? Nothing. Not a single thing.
离事实不远。然而，他的学徒从中得出的结论是可悲的。卡尔的灵魂怀有如此多的自我怀疑，这很可悲，但欧比旺能做些什么来帮助他呢？无。没有一件事。

“Larses won’t let me train Luke. Ever, Cal.”
“Larses 不让我训练 Luke。永远，卡尔。

“But you wish they did.”
“但你希望他们这样做。”

“I wish for many things. I wish there were no Clone Wars. No Empire.”
“我有很多愿望。我希望没有克隆人战争。没有帝国。

“This is different.”
“这是不同的。”

“How, precisely?”
“具体怎么样？”

Cal stayed silent for a moment, but then tossed the pillow back to the floor and sat down.
卡尔沉默了一会儿，然后把枕头扔回地板上坐了下来。

“Because, Master, the Clone Wars are gone. And you can’t change the fact that the Empire exists. For now, it’s evident that you care about this youngling.”
“因为，主人，克隆人战争已经消失了。而且你无法改变帝国存在的事实。现在，很明显你关心这个年轻人。

“As I care about you.”
“因为我很关心你。”

He saw Cal’s eyes go wide at the implication of the unthinkable , tabooed feeling, he himself accused Obi-Wan of seconds ago. The feeling Obi-Wan so easily admitted. Several times in the last few days, in fact. He wondered, why it was just now that the meaning of his words finally started to sink in; or, perhaps, that’s why stories of Anakin provoked such a violent reaction this night; by Cal’s standards, anyways. Their whole relationship was against the Code, because...
他看到卡尔睁大了眼睛，因为那种不可思议的、禁忌的感觉，他自己在几秒钟前就指责了欧比旺。欧比旺很容易承认这种感觉。事实上，在过去几天里有好几次。他想知道，为什么直到现在，他的话的含义才终于开始沉浸其中;或者，也许，这就是为什么阿纳金的故事在今晚激起了如此激烈的反应;无论如何，按照 Cal 的标准。他们的整个关系都违反了准则，因为......

“...attachments are forbidden,” Cal almost whispers it, going pale, his skin like Ilum snow and his freckles scattered on it like shards of kyber.
“...依恋是被禁止的，“卡尔几乎是低声说着，脸色苍白，他的皮肤像伊鲁姆雪一样，他的雀斑像凯伯的碎片一样散落在上面。

“Do you know why that is?”
“你知道为什么吗？”

“Because Jedi are meant to be selfless. Because our love should be equal towards all living beings. It should be a tame, calm feeling. Attachment leads to passion and possessiveness, and that is not the Jedi way.”
“因为绝地武士注定是无私的。因为我们的爱应该对所有生物一视同仁。这应该是一种温顺、平静的感觉。依恋会导致激情和占有欲，这不是绝地武士的方式。

Obi-Wan shook his head: a silent “no”, although Cal was right, of course. What he said was true. The kind of truth one tells somebody they do not wish to hurt, the one they wish to spare the uglier side of what being a Jedi truly means. The one they teach to the younglings. The one which can only exist in the times where there is no war, where the Sith are but a legend.
欧比旺摇摇头：无声的“不”，尽管卡尔当然是对的。他说的是真的。一个人告诉某人他们不想伤害的那种真相，他们希望饶恕绝地武士真正含义的更丑陋的一面。他们教给年轻人的那个。它只能存在于没有战争的时代，西斯只是一个传说。

“Attachments are forbidden because one day a brilliant blade of red might burn through your dear Master’s chest, while all you can do is stand and watch, and scream. Because one day a woman you cherished, your friend, dies in your arms, proclaiming her love for you. Because one day your beloved apprentice chooses to fall and you are forced to dismember him, then watch him aflame, ” Obi-Wan said, as he sat down on the floor next to Cal, but didn’t look at him, offering him space, as the conversation they were about to have was going to be difficult and a little… unorthodox, perhaps. “Those things rip your soul to shreds if attachments are there.”
“执着是被禁止的，因为有一天，一把灿烂的红色刀刃可能会烧穿你亲爱的师父的胸膛，而你所能做的就是站着看着，尖叫。因为有一天，你珍爱的女人，你的朋友，死在你的怀里，宣告她对你的爱。因为有一天你心爱的学徒选择跌倒，你被迫肢解他，然后看着他燃烧，“欧比旺说，他坐在卡尔旁边的地板上，但没有看他，给他空间，因为他们即将进行的对话会很困难，而且有点......也许是非正统的。“如果有依恋，那些东西会把你的灵魂撕成碎片。”

“Are you implying that as long as we let go, we are allowed to…” Cal fell silent.
“你是在暗示只要我们放手，我们就可以......”卡尔沉默了。

“A Master and a Padawan spend approximately ten years together, do you really think it’s possible to remain so distant, so withdrawn not to consider the person you see everyday for ten years a close friend? A family? I would say, one grows to love another. They are left with no choice, and yet we have no luxury of being possessive. We form attachments, but we let them go , when the time comes,” Obi-Wan knew that he was interpreting the Code quite liberally at this point, but… the Order was long gone, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to refrain from doing so.
“一位明师和一位学徒一起度过了大约十年的时间，你真的认为有可能保持如此疏远、如此孤僻，以至于不把你十年来每天看到的人当作亲密的朋友吗？一个家庭？我想说，一个人会爱另一个人。他们别无选择，但我们没有占有欲的奢侈。我们形成依恋，但当时机成熟时，我们让他们走，“欧比旺知道他此时正在相当自由地解释密码，但是......教团早已不复存在，他发现自己也找不到足够关心的心态来避免这样做。

Cal didn’t deserve to deprive himself of feelings as much as the Order made others do; there was no Order now, after all, and the boy did a fine job suppressing his emotions as it was. Faked it, ‘till it broke him. Obi-Wan remembered their trip back from Mos Espa. The way his Padawan’s tears soaked all the way through three layers of fabric, the way he clung to him, as if his life depended on it. He remembered the way his mind felt that evening; so bright with emotion it hurt to look, to touch, every nerve bared. All of that didn’t correlate with what he saw now; traces of feelings, dulled emotions, distant hum of anxiety. Feigned serenity.
卡尔不应该像教团让其他人那样剥夺自己的感情;毕竟，现在已经没有秩序了，而这个男孩很好地压抑了他的情绪。假装它，直到它把他弄坏了。欧比旺想起了他们从莫斯埃斯帕回来的路。他的 Padawan 的眼泪完全浸透了三层布料，他紧紧抓住他的方式，仿佛他的生命就依赖于它。他记得那天晚上他心里的感觉;情感如此明亮，看着、触摸、每一根神经都暴露出来，都让人感到痛苦。所有这些都与他现在所看到的无关;感情的痕迹，迟钝的情绪，遥远的焦虑嗡嗡声。假装平静。

“Don’t you think it’s hypocritical, Master? The fact that what we preach is different from what we practice?” Cal looked at him, his face still calm, but there was a tremble in his voice, barely noticeable, alike the twitch he had a week ago, when his battle with stim withdrawal was still raging on.
“师父，您不觉得这很虚伪吗？我们所宣讲的与我们所实践的不一样吗？卡尔看着他，他的脸色依然平静，但他的声音里有一种颤抖，几乎看不出来，就像一周前他与刺激戒断的斗争仍在激烈进行时的抽搐一样。

“How different, exactly?”
“到底有多不同？”

“I should, in theory, love all living beings equally. Meaning you, Cere, Merrin, all those people I’ve been fighting, the youngling and his aunt, the tachs from Kashyyyk, but I don’t. I never did. And now you’re telling me it’s not wrong?”
“理论上，我应该平等地爱所有生物。意思是你，Cere，Merrin，所有我一直在战斗的人，那个年轻人和他的阿姨，Kashyyyk的那些人，但我没有。我从来没有这样做过。现在你告诉我这没有错吗？

“One of the Jedi Masters back at the Coruscant once compared people to kyber crystals; told that though they all have the same potential to become perfect for anyone’s lightsaber, only some of them call to you in song. I like this analogy of his, to an extent. It doesn’t mean, however, that a Jedi shouldn’t treat all living beings with the same respect and be kind to them. And if a Jedi brings death, he should make it quick and merciful.”
“科鲁斯坎特的一位绝地大师曾经把人比作凯伯水晶;告诉他们，尽管他们都有相同的潜力成为任何人的完美光剑，但只有其中一些人在歌声中呼唤你。在某种程度上，我喜欢他的这个比喻。然而，这并不意味着绝地武士不应该以同样的尊重对待所有生物并善待他们。如果绝地武士带来死亡，他应该迅速而仁慈地让它变得敏捷。

Obi-Wan heard his Padawan give a barely audible sigh, before turning to him, facing him, sharp shards of ice beneath a veil of serenity.
欧比旺听到他的学徒发出了一声几乎听不见的叹息，然后转向他，面对着他，在宁静的面纱下是锋利的冰块。

“Who is this youngling, Master?” he asked, trying to smile, but it ended up crooked to one side, unbalanced.
“这个年轻人是谁，师父？”他问道，试图微笑，但最终却歪向了一边，失去了平衡。

Telling him the truth was not an option. Lying to him was not an option either.
告诉他真相不是一种选择。对他撒谎也不是一种选择。

“I won’t tell you.”
“我不会告诉你的。”

It was the only way to carry on.
这是继续前进的唯一途径。

Cal nodded, and it was at this moment Obi-Wan knew that he wasn’t the only one in this room who could shield his mind completely , even with the force-bond in place.
卡尔点点头，就在这一刻，欧比旺知道，他不是这个房间里唯一一个可以完全屏蔽自己思想的人，即使有原力纽带。

They didn’t meditate together; didn’t share a meal. Cal stuffed himself in the corner of the room with his droid and pretended to read for the rest of the day. For some reason Obi-Wan couldn’t find it in himself to be the first one to break the silence.
他们没有一起冥想;没有分享一顿饭。卡尔把他的机器人塞在房间的角落里，假装看了一整天。出于某种原因，欧比旺无法成为第一个打破沉默的人。

Not today, perhaps.
也许今天不是。

Maybe tomorrow.
也许明天。

It was a hard day for all of them, after all. He decided that it was fine to leave his Padawan sulking by himself, at least for now.
毕竟，这对他们所有人来说都是艰难的一天。他决定让他的学徒一个人生闷气是可以的，至少现在是这样。

Notes:
笔记：

*in Yoda voice*
*用尤达的声音*

Jealous you are, Cal Kestis. Not the Jedi Way it is. To the Dark side, such emotions might lead.
你嫉妒啊，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯。不是绝地之道。走向黑暗面，这种情绪可能会导致。

Chapter 10: Anakin Skywalker |&| Cal Kestis
第十章：阿纳金·天行者 |&|卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

I'm going to be a little busy next week, so I have an update a bit earlier this time!
我下周会有点忙，所以这次我有一个更新时间早一点！

As always, I love you all <3 Thanks for sticking with me for that long!
一如既往，我爱你们所有人 <3 感谢你们陪伴我这么久！

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

This dream wasn’t about Mustafar. The feeling was the same: shattered pieces of broken mirror on the edges of his consciousness, but it wasn’t Mustafar. A star Destroyer, the layout of it familiar, but not, it wasn’t his ship. It didn’t feel familiar, the clone troopers marching around didn’t notice him, didn’t acknowledge his presence, as if he was an empty spot. Their suits were painted in an unfamiliar shade of yellow.
这个梦不是关于穆斯塔法的。那种感觉是一样的：他意识边缘的碎镜碎片，但那不是穆斯塔法。一艘歼星舰，它的布局很熟悉，但不是，这不是他的船。这感觉并不熟悉，四处行进的克隆人士兵没有注意到他，没有承认他的存在，仿佛他是一个空位。他们的西装被涂成了一种陌生的黄色。

Vader glanced down. Ah, yes. He was Skywalker in this one too, then. He almost knew what to expect next, what to look for. A barely visible, almost transparent shade of cyan, and perhaps, if he approached carefully, if he didn’t let himself get too angry, he might get the answers that he needed. He still wondered about this most peculiar connection, and kept it a secret from the Emperor.
维达低头看了一眼。啊，是的。那么，他在这部电影中也是天行者。他几乎知道接下来会发生什么，要寻找什么。一种几乎看不见的、几乎透明的青色阴影，也许，如果他小心翼翼地靠近，如果他不让自己太生气，他可能会得到他需要的答案。他仍然对这种最奇特的联系感到疑惑，并对皇帝保密。

Well, at least until he knew what exactly was going on, he wasn’t going to share a thing. What was his — was his.
好吧，至少在他知道到底发生了什么之前，他不会分享任何事情。属于他的——就是他的。

He strolled through the maze of corridors and someone else’s memories, thinking that it was strange; he was looking at things in a weird way, as if from an angle. As if he was too short to look troopers in the eye, which has never been the case, but then again, Kestis was young when the Clone Wars raged on. He must have remembered it differently; it was his dream; his mind, apparently, shaped it into whatever he remembered . For a moment Vader almost thought that he would find his Jedi looking differently this time, too.
他漫步在迷宫般的走廊和别人的记忆中，觉得这很奇怪;他以一种奇怪的方式看事物，就像从一个角度。好像他太矮了，不能直视士兵的眼睛，这从来没有过，但话又说回来，当克隆人战争肆虐时，凯斯蒂斯还很年轻。他一定记得不一样;这是他的梦想;显然，他的思想把它塑造成了他记得的任何东西。有那么一刻，维达几乎以为他这次也会发现他的绝地武士看起来不一样了。

But he didn’t.
但他没有。

“Don’t you think it is unwise to drag a Sith inside your dream?”
“你不觉得把一个西斯拖进你的梦里是不明智的吗？”

Cal Kestis looked exactly the same way he did back at the Fortress. Same poncho, same clothes, the only difference was — a pathetic, short padawan braid hanging by his right ear, like a rat tail. A green bead sparkled in the dim light of the corridors — apparently, it was a night cycle on the ship, too — and Vader sneered at this. So this lost boy found himself a proper Master. Or Cere Junda finally won over her fear and reconnected with the Force. Both of those weren’t good news, exactly. Nothing to worry about either, Kestis wasn’t a worthy opponent, a lucky one, but not strong , still…
卡尔·凯斯蒂斯看起来和他在堡垒时的样子一模一样。同样的雨披，同样的衣服，唯一的区别是——一条可怜的短短的学徒辫子挂在他的右耳上，就像一条老鼠尾巴。一颗绿色的珠子在走廊昏暗的灯光下闪闪发光——显然，这也是船上的夜循环——维达对此嗤之以鼻。所以这个迷路的男孩为自己找到了一个合适的主人。或者 Cere Junda 终于战胜了她的恐惧并重新与原力建立了联系。确切地说，这两者都不是好消息。也没什么好担心的，凯斯蒂斯不是一个值得的对手，一个幸运的对手，但并不强大，仍然......

Cal looked up from where he sat on the floor, eyes red with unshed tears, and didn’t run. Didn’t even flinch. He looked as if his thoughts were elsewhere. As if he didn’t care about who was standing right in front of him, although Vader was sure that he saw recognition sparkle in those dull green eyes.
卡尔从他坐在地板上的地方抬起头来，眼眶因未流出的泪水而通红，没有逃跑。他甚至没有退缩。他看起来好像思绪在别处。仿佛他不在乎站在他面前的是谁，尽管维达确信他在那双暗绿色的眼睛里看到了认可之光。

“Being a Jedi is unwise too,” he said finally, before lowering his head.
“做个绝地武士也是不明智的，”他终于说了一句，然后低下了头。

Oh. Oh that . Was surprising to hear from somebody who fashioned a padawan braid by his ear. More surprising, was the rise of emotion this line stirred somewhere deep inside Vader’s chest. Some part of him — the Skywalker part of him — wanted to tell the boy that he was wrong. That being a Jedi was the best thing that could have ever happened to any human being. That the Force sang with each and every breath, and that there was peace , and that there was love , and that no matter how hard things were there was always a way — he silenced that part violently.
哦。哦，那个。听到有人在他的耳朵上编了一条 padawan 辫子，真是令人惊讶。更令人惊讶的是，这句话在维达胸膛深处激起了激荡的情感。他的某个部分——他天行者的那一部分——想告诉这个男孩他错了。成为绝地武士是任何人可能发生的最好的事情。原力每一次呼吸都在歌唱，有和平，有爱，无论事情多么艰难，总有办法——他猛烈地让那部分沉默了。

Another part of him sneered, cruel and grim. Surely being a Jedi is a mistake . Vader, of all people, knew it well.
他的另一部分是冷笑，残忍而严峻。当然，成为绝地武士是一个错误。维达，在所有的人中，都非常清楚这一点。

“Most amusing,” he said, “How you say that, and still hold onto the Jedi traditions.”
“最有趣，”他说，“你怎么这么说，还坚持着绝地武士的传统。

“Most amusing,” Cal parroted, without looking at him, “That you believe me to aspire to be wise, of all things.”
“真有趣，”卡尔鹦鹉学舌，没有看他一眼，“你竟然相信我渴望成为凡事的智慧。

“What do you aspire to, then? Will you enlighten me, perhaps? What is it you wish to find?”
“那么，你渴望什么呢？也许你会启发我吗？你想找到什么？

He saw Kestis looking up, saw his fake serene expression, saw his lips move, but no sound came, as the dream shattered into million pieces, fell apart, washed away by the overly sweet — disgustingly so — smell of bacta in his nostrils.
他看到凯斯蒂斯抬起头来，看到他假装平静的表情，看到他的嘴唇动了动，但没有声音传来，梦境碎成了数百万块，分崩离析，被他鼻孔里过于甜美——令人作呕——的巴克塔气味冲走了。

But he could still make out the word.
但他还是能听清这个词。

“Peace.”
“和平。”

The Force swelled around him, attuned to his anger, bleeding hate all around him — the glass of the bacta tank cracked, somebody screamed, but Vader failed to care. Durasteel bended under his hate, consoles sparkled, the lights blinked once and went out.
原力在他周围膨胀，与他的愤怒相协调，仇恨在他周围流淌——巴克塔坦克的玻璃破裂，有人尖叫，但维达不在乎。Durasteel 在他的仇恨下弯下了腰，控制台闪闪发光，灯闪烁了一下然后熄灭了。

At that moment he hated all the world around him. The troopers, who hurried out of the medbay, the ship, the durasteel which he could cut through with the Force like it was nothing , his own weakened body which didn’t allow him to stay in the dream long enough, but most of all, he hated Cal Kestis, who dared to not be afraid of him anymore. Who dared to think that he had a chance to become a Jedi in a cruel world where there was nothing but pain and agony .
在那一刻，他憎恨了他周围的一切。那些匆匆忙忙地冲出医疗舱的士兵们，那艘船，他能用原力像什么都一样切开的硬钢，他自己虚弱的身体不允许他在梦中停留足够长的时间，但最重要的是，他讨厌卡尔·凯斯蒂斯，他敢不再害怕他了。谁敢想，他有机会在一个只有痛苦和痛苦的残酷世界里成为绝地武士。

In that moment Vader swore to prove insolent Padawan wrong. To show him what the Jedi truly were. That peace was nothing, but a lie.
在那一刻，维达发誓要证明无礼的帕达万是错的。向他展示绝地武士的真实面目。那平安什么都不是，不过是个谎言。

Cal woke up at first light the next morning. He didn’t remember falling asleep, but apparently sulking in the corner by himself had been draining enough. He remembered the dream he had; for once, it wasn’t a nightmare. He saw Skywalker there, again. A distorted version of him, blurred so much his eyes couldn’t focus, his Force too bright and too dim at the same time, almost as if he was looking at the sun with his eyes closed. It was still shining, but he couldn’t make out a thing.
第二天早上，卡尔在第一缕曙光中醒来。他不记得自己睡着了，但显然自己在角落里生闷气已经够耗费精力了。他想起了他做过的那个梦;这一次，这不是一场噩梦。他又一次在那里看到了天行者。一个扭曲的他，模糊得以至于眼睛无法聚焦，他的原力既太亮又太暗，几乎就像他闭着眼睛看着太阳一样。它仍然闪闪发光，但他什么也看不清。

There was no doubt now that this was no simple dream, and that he had to speak with Master Kenobi about it, but…
现在毫无疑问，这不是一个简单的梦想，他必须与克诺比大师谈谈这件事，但是......

Cal remembered yesterday. The sudden shields, the youngling, his Master’s refusal to share at least a bit of information, the mistrust — something dark twisted inside his chest, and he was almost overcome with a sudden urge to vomit. No, that… that feeling wasn’t… wasn’t him . It was possessive, wrong, so wrong, and he didn’t want to —
卡尔想起了昨天。突如其来的盾牌，这个年轻人，他的师父拒绝分享至少一点信息，不信任——某种黑暗的东西在他的胸膛里扭曲着，他几乎被突然的呕吐冲动所征服。不，那个......那种感觉不是......不是他。这是占有欲，错了，错得太错了，他不想——

With a huff, he jumped to his feet and looked around, shoving the unwanted feelings deep down until he found it in himself to meditate. Then, he would release them, think them over, get over them.
他气呼呼地跳起来，环顾四周，把不想要的感觉深深地压在心里，直到他发现自己可以冥想。然后，他会释放它们，仔细思考它们，克服它们。

Usually his Master was the first to wake up, but today that seemed not to be the case. Quietly, Cal got dressed and made his way towards the kitchen, where he attempted to fix himself breakfast without making too much noise. He ate in silence, watching his Master sleep.
通常他的主人是第一个醒来的，但今天似乎不是这样。卡尔悄悄地穿好衣服，走向厨房，他试图在不发出太大声音的情况下给自己准备早餐。他默默地吃着饭，看着他的主人睡着。

There was a hint of a frown on his face. Cal noticed grey hair on his temples, something that he didn’t exactly look at before; light freckles on his shoulders, a faded scar almost completely covered by his beard and a line of three discolored birthmarks on his forehead. In his sleep he looked so… human. Not a perfectly serene statue made of rock somewhere deep underground in the Zeffo tombs, not the picture-perfect Jedi who sat on the Council, from the holophotos Cal saw when he was young. An imperfect human being who shaped himself — with the help of others, surely — into what he came to be, into the person Cal came to admire now. Despite all missteps, all liberties with the Code. He…
他的脸上露出一丝皱眉。卡尔注意到他的太阳穴上有灰白的头发，这是他以前没有仔细看过的东西;他肩膀上有淡淡的雀斑，胡须几乎完全遮住了褪色的疤痕，额头上有一排三个变色的胎记。在睡梦中，他看起来如此......人。不是 Zeffo 陵墓地下深处某个地方由岩石制成的完美宁静的雕像，也不是 Cal 年轻时看到的全息照片中坐在议会中的完美绝地武士。一个不完美的人，他把自己塑造成了自己——当然是在别人的帮助下——变成了他现在的样子，变成了卡尔现在钦佩的人。尽管有各种失误，但对准则有自由。他。。。

When he was a youngling, General Kenobi’s name was a frequent one at the Temple. Among all others, surely. General Skywalker’s too, if not more so, a Hero with no Fear, so young, inspiration for every soon-to-be padawan, but Cal found himself more inclined towards diplomacy; more gentle, subtle approach. Something that his peers teased him for sometimes, because at the time he wasn’t brave. He didn’t need to be. He wasn’t sure he was brave now. He just did what he had to do. What was right.
当他还是个年轻人的时候，克诺比将军的名字在神殿里经常出现。当然，在所有其他的天行者将军也是一个无所畏惧的英雄，如此年轻，是每个即将成为学徒的灵感来源，但卡尔发现自己更倾向于外交;更温和、更微妙的方法。他的同龄人有时会取笑他，因为当时他并不勇敢。他不需要这样。他不确定自己现在是否勇敢。他只是做了他必须做的事情。什么是正确的。

He used to wish for the war to end. Even if it meant that he would never be chosen as a Padawan — he knew too well that he wasn’t good enough to be chosen in peaceful times — being sent to Agri-corps was almost a welcome path, if it meant a peaceful existence. And now —
他曾经希望战争结束。即使这意味着他永远不会被选为 Padawan——他太清楚自己不够优秀，在和平时期无法被选中——被送到 Agri-corps 几乎是一条受欢迎的道路，如果这意味着和平的生活。而现在——

He still wished for peace, above all else.
他仍然希望和平，高于一切。

He knew that his Master did as well. For both of them; and for the universe, too.
他知道他的师父也是这样。对他们俩来说;对宇宙也是如此。

They couldn’t do much to fulfill their desire, not here, not when there were just the two of them, and restoring the Order… well… it wasn’t Cal’s quest, although it called for him, it did, that is, until the visions granted to him on Bogano.
他们无法做太多事情来满足他们的愿望，不是在这里，不是在只有他们两个人的时候，恢复教团......井。。。这不是卡尔的追求，尽管它需要他，但它确实需要他，也就是说，直到他在博加诺的幻觉中被授予。

“Help me, Master Kestis!”
“帮帮我，凯斯提斯大人！”

The screams still seemed to echo inside his head each time he thought of bearing that kind of responsibility.
每当他想到承担那种责任时，尖叫声似乎仍然在他的脑海中回荡。

He remembered how his heart bled over each of the younglings he didn’t even know, slayed by the troopers; he remembered fighting for their lives, in vain. He remembered surrendering, on his knees, because it was the only way to spare them from suffering, but —
他记得他的心是如何为每一个他甚至不认识的年轻人流血的，他们被士兵杀死;他记得为他们的生命而战，但徒劳无功。他记得自己跪在地上投降，因为这是让他们免于痛苦的唯一方法，但是——

Then the cells. The torture. The screams .
然后是细胞。折磨。尖叫声 .

The Force itself screamed in agony, bleeding and bleeding, hues of blue and green and his own cyan slowly turning crimson, marred by darkness, anguish and their — no, his — inability to withstand torture.
原力本身在痛苦中尖叫，流血，流血，蓝色和绿色的色调，他自己的青色慢慢变成深红色，被黑暗、痛苦和他们——不，是他的——无法承受折磨所破坏。

It was partially the reason why he rejected the title of the Jedi Knight Cere had granted to him, when he came to Tatooine. He thought that now this feeling passed, with the holocron destroyed, but… it seemed to linger, when he stepped close to anyone young and sensitive to the Force. He… still felt the pull of it towards others, knew that the Jedi should stick together, share what they know, his instinct was to reach out to the youngling, after all — but then there were shields, the barrier, and the feeling shattered, replaced by worry and dulled panic. And now all he could think of were screams and possible agony he could bring about.
这也是他来到塔图因时拒绝 Cere 授予他的绝地武士头衔的部分原因。他以为现在这种感觉已经过去了，随着大屠杀被摧毁，但是......当他走近任何一个年轻且对原力敏感的人时，它似乎挥之不去。他。。。仍然感受到它对他人的吸引力，知道绝地武士应该团结一致，分享他们所知道的，毕竟他的本能是向年轻人伸出援手——但随后有盾牌、屏障和感觉被粉碎，取而代之的是担忧和迟钝的恐慌。现在他能想到的只有尖叫和他可能带来的痛苦。

Master Kenobi was right after all. Perhaps the Force warned him about Cal, too. Thus, the mistrust. Thus, not telling. And he couldn’t tell it straight because he didn’t want to hurt his Padawan’s feelings.
毕竟，克诺比大师是对的。也许原力也警告过他关于卡尔的事情。因此，不信任。因此，不告诉。他不能直截了当地说出来，因为他不想伤害他的 Padawan 的感情。

Because his Master was infinitely kind. Because his love could stretch beyond all limits. Because he could still love even the fallen who proclaimed his hate upon the whole galaxy.
因为他的师父是无限善良的。因为他的爱可以超越一切界限。因为他仍然可以爱那些向整个银河系宣告他仇恨的堕落者。

Cal smiled and stood up, calm, the awful darkness he felt earlier gone from his chest completely. His thoughts went towards the wrecked speeder; he will use whatever free time he had to see what could be done to fix it. It would be… nice, if he could do something. His steps were soft as he made his way across the room towards the door, he was sure that he didn’t make any noise at all, and yet…
卡尔微笑着站起来，平静下来，他之前感受到的可怕的黑暗完全从他的胸口消失了。他的思绪转向了那辆失事的飞车;他将利用他所拥有的一切空闲时间，看看可以做些什么来解决这个问题。那将是......如果他能做点什么就好了。他穿过房间走向门口，脚步轻柔，他确定自己根本没有发出任何声音，然而......

And yet there was a movement; a hint of a heavy sigh amidst otherwise even breathing, and Cal couldn’t help but flinch and turn around.
然而，有一个动作;在原本均匀的呼吸中，一丝沉重的叹息，卡尔忍不住畏缩了一下，转过身来。

He saw that the frown on Master Kenobi’s face deepened, one of his hands clenched into a fist. A bad dream, perhaps. And now, he had a choice. He could pretend he didn’t notice and do nothing, because Master Kenobi didn’t need his help. Or he could allow himself to care .
他看到克诺比大人脸上的皱眉加深了，他的一只手紧握成拳头。也许是一场噩梦。现在，他有一个选择。他可以假装没有注意到，什么也没做，因为克诺比大人不需要他的帮助。或者他可以让自己关心。

He hesitated, but only for a moment.
他犹豫了，但只是片刻。

It felt right to reach out, to project calm energy through their bond, and he dared not lurking inside the other’s dreams, although he knew that now he could have, and that it would have been possible now, if not easy. Despite what his Master might have thought of him, he knew about the concept of privacy — though sometimes he just didn’t find it in himself to care enough to put his curiosity aside. Through the Force he gently brushed his mind against his Master’s, let his presence be felt, a silent “I’m here, if you ever need me”, but nothing more than that. He… didn’t know if he would ever be allowed to offer… to do more.
伸出手来，通过他们的纽带投射出平静的能量感觉是正确的，他不敢潜伏在对方的梦中，尽管他知道现在他可以做到，而且现在有可能，如果不是那么容易的话。不管他的主人怎么看他，他都知道隐私的概念——尽管有时他只是觉得自己不够关心，以至于把他的好奇心放在一边。通过原力，他轻轻地将自己的思想与他主人的思想擦过，让人们感觉到他的存在，无声的“我在这里，如果你需要我”，但仅此而已。他。。。不知道他是否会被允许提供......以执行更多操作。

He saw the frown gradually leave his Master’s face, his hand relax. Cal smiled heartily and strolled outside.
他看到那皱眉逐渐从他师父的脸上消失，他的手放松了下来。卡尔爽朗地笑了笑，向外走去。

The two suns shined brightly even at dawn, just as they did every morning here, on Tatooine. Cal inhaled the dry air, still bearing traces of night’s coolness. BD-1 followed him, and was now jumping around the speeder, eager to help out.
即使在黎明时分，这两个太阳也闪耀着明亮的光芒，就像它们每天早上在塔图因所做的那样。卡尔吸入了干燥的空气，空气中还带着夜晚的凉爽。BD-1 跟着他，现在正在飞车周围跳来跳去，急切地想帮忙。

“Ready to do some scans?” Cal asked him, squatting beside the droid and getting out his tools. He… hoped he had the things he needed, but it didn’t appear that way. He… might need to be more creative.
“准备好做一些扫描了吗？”卡尔问他，蹲在机器人旁边，拿出他的工具。他。。。希望他有他需要的东西，但事实并非如此。他。。。可能需要更有创意。

The damage was extensive, but nothing too bad. Nothing he didn’t know how to fix.
损失很严重，但并不算太严重。没有什么是他不知道如何解决的。

“Allright, buddy, out of the way now, I’m gonna disassemble that thing,” he told the droid, and BD listened, hopped onto his shoulder and stayed there, the heavy feel of him familiar, reminding of their adventures.
“好了，伙计，现在别碍事了，我要拆解那东西，”他对机器人说，BD听了，跳到他的肩膀上呆在那里，他那种沉重的感觉很熟悉，提醒着他们的冒险。

They were friends, after all.
毕竟，他们是朋友。

Was he attached to the droid? To the piece of wires and metal and plastic and transparisteel? Would his heart break if BD ever —
他和机器人有关系吗？到那块电线、金属、塑料和透明钢？如果 BD 曾经——

Cal was afraid that it would. He remembered the relief he felt that one time they were reunited after — no. He had to concentrate, because what he wanted to do required focus, and the memories wouldn’t allow it.
卡尔担心它会。他记得有一次他们重逢后——不。他必须集中注意力，因为他想做的事情需要专注，而记忆不允许这样做。

He touched the metal through the Force, straightening it, carefully — ever so slowly — shaping it back to what it once was. Then came the screws holding the panels in place, one by one, and Cal removed the panels by hand, because it was easier, because he did it a million times, without the Force, concealing it, burying it deep inside. He handled the torn wires by hand too, got stung by a spark of static electricity — ouch! That one hurt !
他通过原力触碰到金属，小心翼翼地——如此缓慢地——将它塑造成原来的样子。然后是螺丝一个接一个地固定到位，Cal 用手拆下面板，因为这更容易，因为他做了一百万次，没有原力，把它藏起来，把它深深地埋进去。他也用手处理撕裂的电线，被静电火花刺痛——哎哟！那个人很痛！

He almost forgot about the second glove he had. He had to put it on too, if he wanted to get anything done. He wondered if he still had it. He picked up the screws from midair, released them from his Force-grip and rummaged through the pockets on his utility belt. Hm. There it was. Along with his headphones. He hasn't touched those since Bracca, either. Well. It might be a good time to finally blow the dust off them.
他差点忘了他手上的第二只手套。如果他想做任何事情，他也必须戴上它。他想知道自己是否还有它。他从半空中捡起螺丝，将它们从原力握把中松开，然后在腰带上的口袋里翻找。嗯。就在那里。还有他的耳机。自从布拉卡之后，他也就没有碰过这些。井。现在可能是最终吹掉他们身上灰尘的好时机。

Listen to his favourite songs.
听听他最喜欢的歌曲。

Let the rhythm drum in his ears, as he worked.
让节奏在他的耳边鼓动，就像他工作一样。

It was nice . He felt nice . Familiar. Almost, almost right, something he had been doing, it seemed, all his life.
这很好。他感觉很好。熟悉。几乎，几乎是对的，他似乎一生都在做的事情。

Five years on Bracca. With his almost friends, because he couldn’t really open up to anybody, no matter how kind-hearted — even Prauf…
在 Bracca 的五年。和他几乎是朋友在一起，因为他无法真正向任何人敞开心扉，无论多么善良——即使是 Prauf......

He didn’t let himself dwell in the past. Didn’t let his thoughts stray from the rhythmic beat of the music to the crippling sadness of losses. The Force whispered that those were already a part of him, that there was no use picking on the old wounds, which barely healed, so he listened to its will. Trusted it.
他没有让自己沉浸在过去。他没有让他的思绪从有节奏的音乐节拍中飘离到失去亲人的悲哀中。原力低声说，那些已经是他的一部分，抠破旧伤是没有用的，这些伤口几乎无法愈合，所以他听从了它的意愿。值得信赖。

Fixing things was a little unfamiliar. He was more used to scrapping them, so, that part was easy, what came next required some thinking to do, and he unconsciously put it off for as long as he could, unbending all the little pieces of metal and plastic, sorting through the bolts, and screws, and wires, until BD beeped at him questioningly — why the delay?
修理东西有点陌生。他更习惯于报废它们，所以，那部分很容易，接下来的事情需要一些思考才能完成，他不自觉地尽可能长时间地推迟它，解开所有金属和塑料的小块，整理螺栓、螺丝和电线，直到BD质疑地向他发出哔哔声——为什么要延迟？

“I’m not sure, buddy, I think I’m just afraid to break it any further,” he told the droid and took off his headphones, the music giving way to the soft sounds of the howling wind and shifting dunes.
“我不确定，伙计，我想我只是害怕再打破它，”他对机器人说，然后摘下了他的耳机，音乐让位于呼啸的风和移动的沙丘的柔和声音。

“Why are you afraid of breaking something that’s already been broken, Padawan?”
“你为什么害怕打破已经坏掉的东西，帕达万？”

With the music and work to do he didn’t notice that his Master has been watching him for some time already. For how long? Cal turned around and saw Obi-Wan standing in the shadow the hut provided, a cup of tea in his hand, whitish steam rising up from it. Not too long, then.
有音乐和工作要做，他没有注意到他的师父已经看着他一段时间了。多长时间？卡尔转过身来，看到欧比旺站在小屋的阴影中，手里拿着一杯茶，白色的蒸汽从茶中升起。那么，不会太久。

How he could drink the hot tea in this weather still escaped Cal’s understanding.
在这种天气里，他怎么能喝到热茶，卡尔还是无法理解。

“It’s not like we could drag this wreck to Mos Espa to sell it, and the Jawas wouldn’t pay much anyway,” his Master continued with a shrug.
“我们不能把这艘沉船拖到莫斯埃斯帕去卖掉，反正贾瓦人也不会付多少钱，”他的主人耸耸肩继续说道。

“You seem to have little faith in my ability,” Cal laughed.
“你似乎对我的能力没有什么信心，”卡尔笑着说。

“You said yourself that you were afraid of breaking it,” Obi-Wan offered. “Now, can I help you with anything? I don’t know much about that sort of thing, but if you need a hand…”
“你自己说你害怕打破它，”欧比旺提议。“现在，我能帮你什么忙吗？我对这种事情了解不多，但如果你需要帮忙的话......”

Cal couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. If they could spend a bit more time together—
卡尔自己也找不到拒绝的意愿。如果他们能多花一点时间在一起——

He smiled — wide, too wide for a Jedi, perhaps — nodded and got back to work. Obi-Wan watched him for a couple more seconds before coming closer, asking, what was it, exactly, he could help with.
他笑了——笑得很大，也许对绝地武士来说太宽了——点点头，继续工作。欧比旺又看了他几秒钟，然后走近了他，问道，他能帮忙的是什么。

He was using the Force much more than his hands, when handling machinery, Cal noticed. His Force allowed for more precision, than Cal’s. He didn’t bother to sort through bolts and screws, just held them suspended in the air around them, floating, as if it required no effort, and he could still bend metal, and chat, and continue drinking his tea while maintaining focus.
卡尔注意到，在处理机械时，他使用原力的次数比他的手要多得多。他的原力比卡尔的更精确。他懒得整理螺栓和螺丝，只是把它们悬浮在周围的空中，漂浮着，仿佛不需要费力似的，他仍然可以弯曲金属，聊天，继续喝茶，同时保持专注。

“Could your… other Padawan do it too?” Cal asked, before realising, that it wasn't an ideal topic for a conversation. He wasn’t supposed to compare himself with anyone. He didn’t have the same background, the same training. His Force was different, he came to realise. Cere told him that psychometry was rare; otherwise he knew that he was a pretty bleak individual, but he didn’t mind.
“你的......其他学徒也这样做吗？卡尔问道，然后才意识到，这不是一个理想的谈话话题。他不应该把自己和任何人比较。他没有相同的背景，相同的训练。他逐渐意识到，他的原力是不同的。Cere 告诉他，心理测量学很少见;否则他知道自己是个相当凄凉的人，但他并不介意。

“You mean Anakin?”
“你是说阿纳金？”

There was a pause, and then, a soft chuckle, almost, but not yet a laugh.
停顿了一下，然后，轻轻地笑了起来，几乎是，但还不是笑声。

“Oh no, he was never good at it. But you will be.”
“哦，不，他从来都不擅长。但你会的。

They continued to work through the day, slowly, through trial and error — so many errors, in fact, that Cal could feel his frustration building, his forehead glistening with sweat from the heat and irritation at the kriffing things that simply refused to work; burnt transistors, tangled, torn wires and sith-damn sand that got everywhere.
他们继续工作一整天，慢慢地，通过反复试验——事实上，错误太多了，以至于 Cal 能感觉到他的挫败感越来越大，他的额头上冒着热汗，对那些根本不起作用的吵闹的东西感到恼火;烧焦的晶体管、纠结、撕裂的电线和到处都是该死的沙子。

His Master remained calm, as he ever was. Not a single ripple in his ocean of serenity and peace. That was until —
他的主人一如既往地保持冷静。在他的宁静祥和的海洋中没有一丝涟漪。直到——

“I hate sand!” Cal whispered, angry, but the anger was not his, not entirely.
“我讨厌沙子！”卡尔低声说，生气了，但愤怒不是他的，不完全是他的。

— until he reached out, to touch Cal’s shoulder.
——直到他伸出手来碰了碰卡尔的肩膀。

Usually that happened when Cal touched things and people, not the other way around. He wasn’t sure why that happened this time.
通常，当 Cal 触摸事物和人时，就会发生这种情况，而不是相反。他不知道为什么这次会这样。

He felt as if the air got knocked out of his lungs, as if something sharp hit him right through the heart. He gasped for air, feeling suddenly cold, drowning into an emotion — just one — which he realised that he had only felt traces of before —
他感觉好像空气从他的肺里被吹走了，好像有什么尖锐的东西直接击中了他的心脏。他喘着粗气，突然感到寒冷，淹没在一种情绪中——只是一种——他意识到他以前只感受到过这种情绪的痕迹——

— on Mustafar there was this, but also, Anakin’s anger. On Mustafar, the echoes were old, washed out. —
——在穆斯塔法身上，有这个，但也有阿纳金的愤怒。在穆斯塔法，回声是古老的，被冲淡了。—

— And when he touched Vader, there was anger too, there was so much else going on, he had so much adrenaline — and stims — pumping through his bloodstream that he —
— 当他触摸维达时，也有愤怒，有太多其他的事情发生，他的肾上腺素——和刺激——在他的血液中泵动，以至于他——

Agony . There was no other word for it, or if there was Cal didn’t know it. He couldn’t hear a thing, couldn’t see the light of the two suns in the clear blue sky, as the world went suddenly dark before his eyes, still wide open — and it was cold, so cold the air burned his throat.
痛苦。没有其他词来形容它，或者如果有的话，卡尔不知道。他什么也听不见，看不到晴朗蓝天中两个太阳的光芒，世界在他眼前突然变得黑暗，仍然敞开着——而且很冷，冷得空气灼伤了他的喉咙。

He couldn’t take another breath. Choked.
他再也喘不过气来了。哽咽。

“Cal, snap out of it! Cal! Cal!”
“卡尔，快点出来！卡尔！卡尔！

Bolts, and screws, and pieces of metal, and a cerulean cup — all fell down on the sand like rain, but he could no longer feel that.
螺栓、螺丝、金属碎片和一个蔚蓝的杯子——都像雨一样落在沙子上，但他再也感觉不到了。

Notes:
笔记：

Oh noes, Obi-Wan, get your hands off your Padawan!
哦，不，欧比旺，把你的手从你的 Padawan 上拿开！

Chapter 11: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 11 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

Did I say I was going to be busy this week? Well, apparantly, the Force wills me to stay at home and write more, lol. You can probably guess why.
我说过这周会很忙吗？嗯，很遗憾，原力让我留在家里多写点东西，哈哈。你大概能猜到为什么。

So here you go! Another update! Yay!
所以你开始吧！又一次更新！耶！

Love you guys <3
爱你们 <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

“I hate sand!”
“我讨厌沙子！”

Cal’s whisper was laced with someone else’s anger, too familiar, and it dragged unwanted feelings closer towards the surface.
卡尔的低语中夹杂着别人的愤怒，太熟悉了，它把不想要的感情拉得更近了。

Still, Obi-Wan remained calm as he reached out and gently touched his Padawan’s shoulder, ready to suggest taking a break. It was already noon, and the suns’ heat was getting harsh, too. They could have a proper lunch, and then get back to work. Or they could meditate on what happened yesterday —
尽管如此，欧比旺还是保持冷静，伸出手轻轻地抚摸着他的 Padawan 的肩膀，准备建议休息一下。已经是中午了，太阳的热度也越来越强烈。他们可以吃一顿好吃的午饭，然后回去工作。或者他们可以默想昨天发生的事情——

He didn’t have a chance to voice any of his suggestions, as Cal’s face suddenly twisted, his eyes flew wide open, a strangled cry bubbling from his throat, his body convulsing, as if from agony, lancing through him. His back arched unnaturally, hands tensed on the wires he held. He gasped for air, choked on it. Coughed. Couldn’t breath.
他没有机会说出他的任何建议，因为卡尔的脸突然扭曲了起来，他的眼睛睁得大大的，一声被勒住的哭声从他的喉咙里冒出来，他的身体抽搐着，仿佛因痛苦而刺穿了他。他的背不自然地拱起，双手紧紧地握着电线。他喘着粗气，被它呛住了。咳嗽。无法呼吸。

Obi-wan jerked his hand back, despite his instincts to do the opposite, to hold his Padawan closer and ground him to reality. But with Cal it would only make it worse. He... didn’t know what it was, but still had a vague idea. Probably, psychometry. Probably, the traces of his own agonizing heartbreak over Anakin, which a whisper about kriffing sand brought back to the surface, but probably amplified, because Cal’s ability was probably that — he sensed echoes, and this... was no echo. It was fresh, unfaded, bright, even after five years of meditations.
欧比旺猛地把手缩了回来，尽管他的本能想做相反的事情，让他的学徒更靠近，让他与现实相呼应。但对 Cal 来说，情况只会变得更糟。他。。。不知道是什么，但还是有一个模糊的想法。可能是心理测量学。也许，他自己对阿纳金的痛苦心碎的痕迹，一声关于沙子的耳语让它浮出水面，但可能被放大了，因为卡尔的能力可能是——他感觉到了回声，还有这个......没有回声。它是新鲜的、不褪色的、明亮的，即使经过五年的冥想。

The bolts and screws fell down on the sand, but Obi-Wan didn’t care. His Force was gently wrapped around Cal, because he couldn’t allow himself to touch him, but—
螺栓和螺丝掉在沙子上，但欧比旺并不在乎。他的原力轻轻地缠绕着卡尔，因为他不允许自己触碰他，但是——

He called to him, begging him to snap out of it, to get back to reality, to find a way from dark, cold waters of unwanted attachment and rejection, of heartbreak and loss.
他呼唤他，恳求他从中挣脱出来，回到现实中，从不想要的依恋和拒绝、心碎和失落的黑暗、冰冷的水域中找到一条路。

Cal winced, violently, a low, feeble sound escaped his lips — a whimper, then a sob, still breathless, eyes unfocused, unblinking, and Obi-Wan just didn’t know what he could do to help.
卡尔猛烈地皱起眉头，一声低沉而微弱的声音从他的嘴里传出——呜咽，然后是抽泣，仍然喘不过气来，眼睛没有焦点，一眨不眨，欧比旺就是不知道他能做些什么来帮忙。

He showed his own feelings deeper down, dragged something else to the surface —
他把自己的感受更深地表现出来，把其他东西拖到水面上——

The rush of riding a varactyl on Pijal, during the Grand Hunt, the eagerness of the beast and the excitement, the thrill of it all, better than any flying- no, not that.
在大狩猎期间，在 Pijal 上骑着 varactyl 的匆忙，野兽的渴望和兴奋，这一切的刺激，比任何飞行都要好——不，不是那个。

His fondness for Bant, Ahsoka, Qui-Gon and Kit and oh so many other Jedi. No. Not that either.
他喜欢 Bant、Ahsoka、Qui-Gon 和 Kit，还有许多其他绝地武士。不。也不是那样。

The calmness of open spaces, meditation halls in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, their whiteness extending out, limitless, the endless light, which could not ever be extinguished- yet it was, crushed, overpowered by the Empire, done for, so, again, not that.
开阔空间的宁静，科鲁斯坎特绝地神殿的冥想大厅，它们的白色延伸，无限，无尽的光芒，永远无法熄灭——但它被帝国压碎、压倒，结束了，所以，再一次，不是那样。

The cyan rivers of Alderaan… freshwaters of the sacred springs, transparent, reflecting light in a way no jewel ever could. The greenery of moss on the rocks near the riverbanks, the gentle whispers of trees, and a birdsong, carrying across the land.
奥尔德兰的青色河流......圣泉的淡水，透明，以任何宝石都无法做到的方式反射光线。河岸附近岩石上长满苔藓的绿色植物，树木温柔的低语，以及传遍大地的鸟鸣。

Obi-Wan took Cal in his arms, pressed their foreheads together, held him close once more.
欧比旺把卡尔抱在怀里，把他们的额头贴在一起，再次把他紧紧地抱住。

“Look, how beautiful it is,” he whispered, suddenly conscious that his voice was shaky, as he did his best to pour the images and feelings through their connection, hoping that it would be enough. “How the waters reflect the light, how they sparkle, just like you.”
“看，这多美啊，”他低声说，突然意识到他的声音在颤抖，因为他尽最大努力通过它们的联系来倾注这些图像和感受，希望这就足够了。“水如何反射光线，它们如何闪闪发光，就像你一样。”

The waters so clear, so pure, they were just like the soul of his Padawan; they cut their way through rock and stone but remained unmarred by violence or anger, always gentle, smooth and… more than anything, calm.
水是如此清澈，如此纯净，它们就像他的 Padawan 的灵魂;他们在岩石和石头中杀出一条血路，但仍然没有受到暴力或愤怒的破坏，总是温柔、光滑和......最重要的是，平静。

There was peace on Alderaan.
奥尔德兰岛上一片平静。

Another broken whimper, another wet sob, but at least Cal was breathing now. At least, his eyes weren’t so scarily wide-open, as he finally relaxed in Obi-Wan’s arms.
又是一声破碎的呜咽，又是一声湿漉漉的啜泣，但至少卡尔现在还在呼吸。至少，他的眼睛没有那么可怕地睁大，因为他终于在欧比旺的怀里放松了下来。

“‘m sorry,” he mumbled, tossing his head to the side, breath hoarse and hard, hot against Obi-Wan’s face. “Don’t know why… how it…”
“对不起，”他喃喃自语，把头歪向一边，呼吸嘶哑而艰难，热乎乎地贴在欧比旺的脸上。“不知道为什么......怎么会......”

“Not your fault,” he didn’t let Cal finish, didn’t let his thoughts stray too far from the peaceful scenery of Alderaan’s grassy plains. “Look, there’s more.”
“不是你的错，”他没有让卡尔说完，没有让他的思绪偏离奥尔德兰草原的宁静景色太远。“看，还有更多。”

The grass on Alderaan was soft, too. It rustled in the morning breeze, dew glimmering in the warm light of the rising sun. And in the distance one could see mountain peaks, covered in snow and softest clouds, blending into the transparent cyan-blue sky. And there were waterfalls on Alderaan too — enormous walls of white, sparkling light, they looked like clouds, from a distance, soft, so soft , peaceful and calm.
奥尔德兰的草也很柔软。它在晨风中沙沙作响，露珠在初升的太阳的温暖光芒中闪闪发光。在远处，人们可以看到山峰，被白雪覆盖，云朵最柔和，与透明的青蓝色天空融为一体。奥尔德兰岛上也有瀑布——巨大的白色墙壁，闪闪发光，从远处看，它们就像云一样，柔和，如此柔和，宁静祥和。

He petted Cal’s hair, wiped a tear from his cheek and hugged him closer still, as tenderly as he could. They stayed like that for a long time, and then Cal tentatively wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan too, let out a softest sight of — it seemed — relief, and in the next moment his whole body went completely limp.
他抚摸着卡尔的头发，擦去他脸颊上的一滴泪水，尽可能温柔地把他抱得更近。他们就这样呆了很久，然后卡尔也试探性地搂住了欧比旺，发出了最轻柔的——似乎——解脱了，下一刻，他的整个身体完全瘫软了。

Obi-Wan stayed silent, as he picked his Padawan up, the memory of their second meeting fresh in his mind, almost a deja-vu, and carried him inside, away from the Tatooine’s two suns’ scorching heat.
欧比旺沉默不语，他抱起了他的学徒，他们第二次见面的记忆在他的脑海中历历在目，几乎是似曾相识，然后带着他进了屋，远离了塔图因的两个太阳的灼热。

He wished he could take him away from this desert world. Show him Alderaan for real . Or, perhaps, they could go somewhere far away — to the uncharted parts of the galaxy, and find a planet just as peaceful and beautiful, find solace in nature’s wonders and the flow of the Living Force, away from the fighting, from the Empire, from the suffering and pain and memories which prompted it, and there would be cities in gold, and there wouldn’t be place for fear of darkness —
他希望他能带他离开这个沙漠世界。让他看看 Alderaan 的真实面貌。或者，也许，他们可以去很远的地方——银河系的未知部分，找到一个同样宁静美丽的星球，在大自然的奇观和生命力的流动中找到慰藉，远离战争，远离帝国，远离促使它的苦难、痛苦和回忆，那里会有黄金的城市。 而且不会有害怕黑暗的地方——

No.
不。

This line of thought would lead him nowhere. There was no use dwelling on things never to become, because he knew too well — he would never leave Tatooine. Not without Luke by his side anyway. And Larses… he didn’t even want to go down that path again.
这种想法不会让他有任何帮助。纠结于永远不会成为的事情是没有用的，因为他太清楚了——他永远不会离开塔图因。反正没有卢克在身边是不可能的。还有 Larses......他甚至不想再走那条路。

They will stay here, in this desert. He will teach his Padawan what he knows about the Force and then send him away, as each Jedi Master should do. And then, Cal will do the same, when his time comes.
他们将留在这里，在这片沙漠中。他会把他对原力的了解传授给他的学徒，然后像每个绝地武士大师一样把他送走。然后，当他的时代到来时，卡尔也会做同样的事情。

“I’m cold,” Cal told him, about an hour later, holding a cup of tea in one hand, as he sat across the table from Obi-Wan and looked at him, ghosts of pain still lingering in his eyes. “Do you still feel cold, Master? After all this time? Like this?”
“我很冷，”大约一个小时后，卡尔一手拿着一杯茶告诉他，他坐在欧比旺的桌子对面，看着他，痛苦的幽灵仍然在他的眼睛里挥之不去。「师父，您还觉得冷吗？经过这么长时间？像这样？

Obi-Wan nodded, but dared not speak, as he felt the steady rhythm of Cal’s pulse on his wrist. He still held his hand, arm stretched over the table.
欧比旺点点头，但不敢说话，因为他感觉到卡尔的脉搏在他的手腕上稳定地跳动。他仍然握着他的手，手臂伸过桌子。

“Was it really this bad? On Mustafar, when you… you know. Cut him down.”
“真的有这么糟糕吗？在 Mustafar 上，当您...你知道的。砍了他。

Obi-Wan looked at their joined hands and wanted to pull his back, but Cal held it firmly in place.
欧比旺看着他们合在一起的手，想把他的背拉回来，但卡尔牢牢地握住了它。

“I will be fine. If it happens again, I want to feel it.”
“我会没事的。如果它再次发生，我想感受一下。

“Unwise.”
“不明智。”

Cal flinched at a word, for some reason, but said nothing, not aloud anyway. Through the bond, however, Obi-Wan could pick up a stray line: “Why does everyone want me to be wise, of all things? I’m a Jedi, not a scholar!”
不知为何，卡尔一听到一个字就畏缩了一下，但什么也没说，反正也没有大声说。然而，通过这种纽带，欧比旺可以听到一句杂乱的话：“为什么每个人都希望我在所有事情上都聪明？我是绝地武士，不是学者！

“It seems to me, Cal, that your powers amplify the echoes of emotions. So, no. It wasn’t.”
“在我看来，卡尔，你的力量放大了情感的回声。所以，没有。但事实并非如此。

“They don’t amplify anything. If the memory is there, it is there. I feel it unchanged.”
“他们不会放大任何东西。如果内存在那里，它就在那里。我觉得它没有变化。

“Still. We experience emotions differently. I’ve learned to block most of the pain, to release it into the Force as soon as it strikes. It doesn’t overwhelm me anymore. And to answer your question… It wasn’t the worst at the moment when my hand was forced upwards in defence, no. I think…”
“不过。我们对情绪的体验不同。我已经学会了阻止大部分的痛苦，一旦它袭来，就把它释放到原力中。它不再压倒我。回答您的问题...在我被迫向上伸手进行防御的那一刻，这还不是最糟糕的，不是。我想......”

He stayed silent for a moment, then glanced up at Cal once more. It was strange that his Padawan has such interest in Anakin’s fall and in his feelings towards him, but… Obi-Wan didn’t mind sharing, didn’t mind talking. It helped, in a way, although he failed to see what Cal found in it for himself.
他沉默了一会儿，然后再次抬头看了卡尔一眼。奇怪的是，他的学徒对阿纳金的堕落和他对他的感情如此感兴趣，但是......欧比旺不介意分享，不介意交谈。在某种程度上，这有帮助，尽管他没有看到 Cal 自己在其中发现了什么。

“He told me that it was the end for me. And called me his Master. Something he hadn’t done for a long time. And then I knew that it was it . That I won’t be able to talk him down. I still tried. You already know the rest, I don’t want to spell it out.”
“他告诉我，这就是我的结局。并称我为他的师父。他已经很久没有做过的事情了。然后我知道就是它。我无法说服他。我还是试过了。其余的你已经知道了，我不想说出来。

“Mm.”
“嗯。”

“And Cal, Anakin didn’t fall overnight. I watched him falling. I knew he was going down. Sometimes I feel that it was my hand that pushed him there. I deserve the pain I carry. Now, more than ever, knowing what had become of him,” Obi-Wan didn’t know why he was saying that, but the confession spilled from his lips, and Cal looked at him, his eyes free from judgement, but full of compassion, and not just for him. For both of them, for him and for Anakin too.
“而卡尔、阿纳金并不是一夜之间倒下的。我看着他坠落。我知道他要倒下了。有时我觉得是我的手把他推到了那里。我活该承受我所承受的痛苦。现在，比以往任何时候都更了解他的下场，“欧比旺不知道他为什么这么说，但忏悔从他的嘴里溢出来，卡尔看着他，他的眼睛没有评判，但充满了同情，不仅仅是为了他。对他们俩来说，对他来说，对阿纳金也是如此。

“Master, you said yourself, he chose to fall.”
“师父，你自己说的，他选择了坠落。”

It was true. True, and yet, there were so many other ways to act, so many other choices to make, so many other possible futures in which…
这是真的。没错，然而，还有这么多其他的行动方式，这么多其他的选择，这么多其他可能的未来......

Obi-Wan could have spared his beloved from suffering; he could have surrendered. It would have changed nothing, on the greater scale of things; his death would have changed nothing. The Empire would be just as strong; perhaps, there would have been more light inside Anakin’s soul, with both of his children by his side. Or maybe not. Maybe he would have remained the same corrupted, broken soul, manipulated into madness. But at least he wouldn’t have been mutilated the way he was now.
欧比旺本可以让他的爱人免于痛苦;他本可以投降的。在更大的范围内，它不会改变任何事情;他的死不会改变任何事情。帝国也会同样强大;也许，阿纳金的灵魂里会有更多的光明，他的两个孩子都在他身边。或者也许不是。也许他会还是那个堕落、破碎的灵魂，纵到疯狂中。但至少他不会像现在这样被肢解。

Cal was silent for a long time, and silence stretched endlessly, but then, he sprung up, unexpected and swift, like a windflow. It took him exactly two steps to get around the table. Exactly two seconds he stalled before giving Obi-Wan an extremely awkward, shy hug. The purest thing.
卡尔沉默了很久，沉默无休止地延伸着，但就在这时，他突然跳了起来，出乎意料地迅速，就像一阵风。他整整花了两步才绕过桌子。整整两秒钟，他停顿了一下，然后给了欧比旺一个极其尴尬、害羞的拥抱。最纯粹的东西。

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping a boundary,” he said, his voice unsure.
“如果我越界了，请原谅我，”他说，他的声音不确定。

Obi-Wan hugged him back, the storm inside his soul calming, leaving behind just traces, washed out, replaced by cyan tenderness and peace.
欧比旺回抱着他，他灵魂中的风暴平静下来，只留下痕迹，被冲刷掉，取而代之的是青色的温柔与和平。

They spent the rest of the day outside, finishing the repairs and chatting about things unrelated to what happened. Mostly sharing stories about life experiences; and not the nice ones, too. It quickly turned into a competition; whose experience was the worst?
他们花了一整天的时间在外面，完成维修工作，聊着与发生的事情无关的事情。主要分享有关生活经历的故事;而且也不是那些好的。它很快就变成了一场比赛;谁的经历最糟糕？

Cal told about that one time a co-worker spilled machine oil over his lunch on Bracca, and he didn’t have enough credits to buy himself anything else; he was just too hungry to leave it be, so he forced it down. Thank the Force he could stomach that.
卡尔讲述了有一次，一位同事在布拉卡的午餐上洒了机油，他没有足够的积分给自己买其他任何东西;他实在是太饿了，不能放任不管，所以他强行把它放下了。感谢原力，他能忍受。

Obi-Wan parried with the story about a mission which dragged simply too long, and ration bars ran out. All the plants on the planet were poisonous, so he and the clones had to resort to eating the huge insects which dwelled in the rainforest in abundance.
欧比旺反驳了关于一个任务的故事，这个任务拖得太久了，配给棒用完了。这个星球上的所有植物都是有毒的，所以他和克隆人不得不吃掉大量生活在热带雨林中的巨大昆虫。

“I told them that we fed off the living Force.”
“我告诉他们，我们靠活生生的原力喂养。”

“Eww.”
“呜呜。”

Another set of wires was tied together, another transistor set in place, one more screw returned to its original position. Cal said that he had a good feeling about the outcome of the repairs, before he started telling another story.
另一组电线绑在一起，另一个晶体管就位，又一个螺丝回到原来的位置。卡尔说，在他开始讲述另一个故事之前，他对维修的结果有很好的预感。

It was about his first time drinking; his guildmates had no idea that it was his first, and he wanted to seem tough, just like they perceived him. He was too afraid to reveal his true nature at the time, still fourteen, too eager to earn their trust, at least some sort of it. The alcohol burned his throat, but he managed to smile through it. It took him one glass of whatever it was to get utterly wasted, and three moree to knock him out completely; he didn’t remember anything afterwards.
那是他第一次喝酒;他的公会伙伴们不知道这是他的第一次，而他想表现得强硬，就像他们认为的那样。当时他太害怕暴露自己的真实本性了，他才十四岁，太渴望赢得他们的信任，至少是某种信任。酒精灼伤了他的喉咙，但他还是设法忍住了。他花了一杯才完全浪费掉了，又喝了三杯才把他彻底打晕了;之后他什么都不记得了。

“You know the worst part? The next morning one of them came up to me and said something along the lines of “sorry, kid”. I was afraid that I let something slip so much that I’ve packed my things and prepared to run for it. And the hangover was the worst. I tripped and fell. Got this scar on my jaw.”
“你知道最糟糕的部分吗？第二天早上，他们中的一个人走过来对我说了一句“对不起，孩子”。我害怕我让什么东西溜走了，以至于我已经收拾好东西准备逃跑了。宿醉是最糟糕的。我绊倒了。我的下巴上有这个疤痕。

“Poor youngling,” Obi-Wan smiled at him, “You shouldn't have been drinking at all.”
“可怜的年轻人，”欧比旺对他微笑，“你根本不应该喝酒。

“Believe me, I know.”
“相信我，我知道。”

And with that, his Padawan put the last panel of the speeder in place and screwed in the last bolt. The suns were already setting, colouring the desert in the pinkish hues.
就这样，他的 Padawan 将飞船的最后一个面板安装到位，并拧入最后一个螺栓。太阳已经落山，将沙漠染上了粉红色的色彩。

“Hm. Looks like we are done.”
“嗯，看来我们已经完成了。”

The speeder almost looked like it had never collided with a bantha. The question, however, wasn’t in the looks of the thing.
这辆飞车看起来几乎就像从未与 bantha 相撞过。然而，问题并不在于事情的外表。

Cal didn’t hesitate to hop on it, flick the ignition switch on; the engine started just fine, with a roar, like it always did, a second, less than a heartbeat, and the speeder took off —
卡尔毫不犹豫地跳上它，轻按点火开关;发动机启动得还不错，一声轰鸣，一会儿，不到一秒，飞船起飞了——

Cal did two laps on it around the hut and came to an abrupt halt at the same spot.
卡尔在小屋周围绕了两圈，然后在同一个地方突然停了下来。

“See? You didn’t have to doubt me, Master! I made it work!” he beamed at Obi-Wan, hopping off the speeder.
“看到了吗？师父，您不必怀疑我！我成功了！“他对欧比旺微笑，跳下飞船。

“You were the one who did the doubting. I merely pointed it out.”
“你是那个怀疑的人。我只是指出来了。

Obi-Wan ruffled Cal’s hair, catching himself at that — it was becoming a habit, something he enjoyed doing, and he was unsure whether it was a good or a bad thing; he saw too many parallels in this action — he used to get fixated on Anakin’s hair too. But then again, Cal was nothing like Anakin.
欧比旺捋了捋卡尔的头发，发现自己——这已经成为一种习惯，他喜欢做的事情，他不确定这是好事还是坏事;他在这个动作中看到了太多的相似之处——他以前也盯着阿纳金的头发。但话又说回来，卡尔和阿纳金完全不同。

— yet his Force was sometimes colored the same blue. His voice had the same intonations in it when he said that line about sand. He had the same look of concentration on his face when he was dealing with mechanisms. He could go from zero to thousand in a matter of seconds just like —
——但他的原力有时也被涂成同样的蓝色。他的声音在说那句关于沙子的台词时，语调是一样的。他的脸上带着和处理机关时一样的专注神情。他可以在几秒钟内从零变成千，就像——

He was nothing like Anakin.
他和阿纳金完全不同。

“Well, now that we have the speeder up and running, I guess we could arrange some ‘saber practice tomorrow. What do you say? Are you up to it?”
“嗯，现在我们已经启动并运行了加速器，我想我们明天可以安排一些'佩剑练习'。你怎么说？你准备好了吗？

Obi-Wan watched his Padawan’s eyes light up, happiness sparkling in them as if what he was offering was truly precious.
欧比旺看着他的 Padawan 的眼睛闪闪发光，幸福在其中闪闪发光，仿佛他所提供的东西真的很珍贵。

“Sure! Yes!”
“当然！是的！

Cal almost jumped from excitement, but contained his emotions, a serene expression quick to replace a hearty smile. Obi-Wan knew that he will have to give him a talk one day about it; bottling up like this was never healthy, one should either release emotions or experience them; otherwise… yeah, it would end up the same way it did back at Mos Espa, reaching a breaking point and finally cracking under pressure.
卡尔几乎要兴奋地跳起来，但还是克制住了自己的情绪，平静的表情很快就取代了爽朗的笑容。欧比旺知道他总有一天得跟他谈谈这件事;像这样装瓶从来都不是健康的，人们应该释放情绪或体验它们;否则。。。是的，它的结局和在 Mos Espa 时一样，达到了一个临界点，最后在压力下破裂。

But surely he wouldn’t be preaching about it now. Won’t ruin the precious moment.
但他现在肯定不会宣讲这件事。不会毁了宝贵的时刻。

He took his Padawan’s hand instead and led him inside again. They had a dinner to prepare, and today they might even have something a bit more special than usual, thanks to Beru’s kindness.
他反而握住了他 Padawan 的手，再次带他进去。他们要准备一顿晚餐，多亏了 Beru 的好意，今天他们甚至可能会吃到比平时更特别的东西。

Notes:
笔记：

Obi-Wan, oh, Obi-Wan, my soul aches for you too.
欧比旺，哦，欧比旺，我的灵魂也为你感到痛苦。

Chapter 12: Cal Kestis
第 12 章：卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

Ahh, I've finally finished this chapted! Yay!!
啊，我终于吃完了这个小题大做！耶！！

Hope you like it!
希望你喜欢它！

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

The dinner was nice; much nicer than anything they had since his arrival on Tatooine, because food actually had flavour to it, this time around. The herbs Beru brought were spicy, and brought out the taste of rehydrated bantha meat; the mushrooms were a delight too. Cal savoured each bite, knowing that this was a rare treat.
晚餐很不错;比他来到塔图因后他们吃的任何东西都要好得多，因为这一次，食物实际上有味道。Beru 带来的香草很辣，带出再水化班塔肉的味道;蘑菇也是一种乐趣。卡尔细细品味每一口，知道这是一种难得的享受。

“Looks like we’re entering the dry season early this year” his Master said, although why he made this observation now, Cal didn’t know.
“看来我们今年年初就进入了旱季，”他的师父说，尽管他为什么现在要进行这个观察，卡尔不知道。

“There is a dry season here?” he asked, genuinely surprised. For him, Tatooine was just a desert; with no change in seasons, for all he knew it could get better, not worse. He was wrong, apparently.
“这里有旱季吗？”对他来说，塔图因只是一片沙漠;季节没有变化，他知道情况会变得更好，而不是更糟。显然，他错了。

“Yes, there is.”
“是的，有。”

“What does it mean for us?”
“这对我们意味着什么？”

It was the only question that really mattered, although Cal was curious about many other things.
这是唯一真正重要的问题，尽管 Cal 对许多其他事情都很好奇。

“Well, given that for the past few days I’ve got about twenty percent less water from the vaporator than usual, I’d say we’ll have to ration what we already have. So, no more soup, all the food will probably be as dry as sand.”
“嗯，鉴于过去几天我从蒸发器中获得的水比平时少了大约 20%，我想说我们得配给我们已经有的水。所以，不要再喝汤了，所有的食物都可能像沙子一样干燥。

“It’s fine,” Cal said quickly, but he knew that it would probably not be as fine as he made it sound. Still, he tried not to think about the hardships soon to come; lived in the moment instead.
“没事，”卡尔很快说，但他知道这可能不会像他听起来那么好。尽管如此，他还是尽量不去想即将到来的艰辛;而是活在当下。

And there were other things that he worried about right now. He… had to tell Master Kenobi about his dreams. About the way Anakin Skywalker walked inside his head. And it was something that Cal didn’t want to do, really, although the reasons for that he didn’t exactly understand.
他现在还担心其他事情。他。。。不得不告诉克诺比大师他的梦想。关于阿纳金·天行者在他的脑海中行走的方式。这是 Cal 不想做的事情，真的，尽管他并不完全理解其中的原因。

They’ve finished dinner, put the plates into the sonic dishwasher, and Cal marvelled at the color — he wondered why all the tableware was cerulean, why Obi-Wan’s home had so much blue color in it, even though Tatooine, as a planet, had, oh , a severe lack of color. Only beige, and orange, and sandy browns, very tame, and even when they’ve been to Mos Espa, there wasn’t that much blue in the marketplace. Still, his Master managed to find the particular shade of — oh, it was Anakin Skywalker blue, the color Cal had no chance to witness, but he could guess, there were accents of it everywhere, now that he looked —
他们吃完晚饭，把盘子放进声波洗碗机里，卡尔对这种颜色感到惊奇——他想知道为什么所有的餐具都是蔚蓝色的，为什么欧比旺的家里有这么多蓝色，尽管塔图因作为一个星球，噢，严重缺乏颜色。只有米色、橙色和沙棕色，非常温和，即使他们去过 Mos Espa，市场上也没有那么多蓝色。尽管如此，他的师父还是设法找到了那种特别的色调——哦，那是阿纳金·天行者的蓝色，卡尔没有机会亲眼目睹这种颜色，但他能猜到，现在他看了看——

“Master, I wanted to tell you something,” Cal said, “Something very important.”
“主人，我想告诉你一件事，”卡尔说，“一件非常重要的事情。

“I’m all ears,” Master Kenobi’s eyes were kind, as he gently took Cal’s hand.
“我全神贯注，”克诺比大师的眼神很亲切，轻轻地握住了卡尔的手。

They’ve been wanting to meditate on the miraculous disappearance of the wound — well, again, this will have to wait.
他们一直想冥想伤口奇迹般地消失——好吧，再一次，这得等一等。

Cal didn’t know where to begin; Anakin was… overwhelming, for one thing. Their connection was a strange, tangled knot of uncertainty, a scary one, at that, too.
卡尔不知道从哪里开始;阿纳金是......一方面，压倒性。他们的联系是一个奇怪的、纠结的不确定性结，也是一个可怕的结。

“Do you remember that one time when I told you about the nightmare where I was being watched? By a Sith?”
“你还记得有一次我告诉你我被监视的噩梦吗？”是西斯吗？

He saw Obi-Wan nod, a shadow of concern flashing across his face.
他看到欧比旺点了点头，脸上闪过一丝担忧。

“I wasn’t entirely honest with you that time, Master. I didn’t tell you the whole truth, because I wasn’t sure whether it was just a dream or not, but now I’m sure that that wasn’t. The Sith, who watched me, was…”
“那次我对你并不完全诚实，师父。我没有告诉你全部的真相，因为我不确定这是否只是一个梦，但现在我确定那不是。那个看着我的西斯是......”

Cal stalled. He didn’t know which name to use. Should he call him Anakin? Or, perhaps, Darth Vader would have been more fitting? For him, Vader was the dark shadow who towered over him like a mountain, a black helmet and a bright red saber, the demon who slayed Trilla with no mercy, the one who turned his own lightsaber around and ignited it, made it slice through Cal’s lung with a whoosh , as complacency radiated off him. And Anakin — Anakin was a lost soul, a stray memory of love, bitterness and betrayal. His Master’s past. Who was in his dreams, Cal wasn’t sure. Still —
卡尔停滞不前。他不知道该用哪个名字。他应该叫他阿纳金吗？或者，也许达斯维达会更合适？对他来说，维达是像山一样耸立在他头顶的黑影，是黑色的头盔和鲜红色的军刀，是毫不留情地杀死特里拉的恶魔，是把自己的光剑转过来点燃它，嗖嗖地划破卡尔的肺的人，自满情绪从他身上散发出来。还有阿纳金 — 阿纳金是一个迷失的灵魂，是一段关于爱、苦涩和背叛的流浪记忆。他师父的过去。谁在他的梦里，卡尔不确定。仍然——

He decided that calling Anakin by the name given to him by the Dark side wasn’t right.
他认为用黑暗面给他起的名字来称呼阿纳金是不对的。

“...Anakin. He said that I was in his dream the first time, and threw me off the ledge into lava. And today he was in mine, said that it was unwise to drag him inside my head, started questioning me, but… I don’t know, I think the connection broke off somehow.”
“...阿纳金。他说我第一次出现在他的梦里，然后把我从窗台上扔进了熔岩里。今天他在我的脑海里，说把他拖进我的脑袋里是不明智的，开始质问我，但是......我不知道，我认为这种联系不知何故断开了。

Cal stared at his Master, who just sat there, silent, his eyes now distant, as if he wasn’t here any longer. The news must have hit him hard; Cal noticed how his lips were now pressed into a thin line, and how tense his hands were.
卡尔盯着他的师父，他只是坐在那里，一言不发，眼神变得遥远，仿佛他已经不在这里了。这个消息一定对他打击很大;卡尔注意到他的嘴唇现在被压成一条细线，他的手是多么紧绷。

“Master,” he said tenderly and leaned forward — just a bit — to touch him, but Obi-Wan mirrored his movement, avoiding it.
“主人，”他温柔地说，身体前倾——稍微一点点——想要碰他，但欧比旺也模仿了他的动作，避开了它。

He collected himself seconds after.
几秒钟后，他让自己平静下来。

“What you are experiencing might be some type of a Force-bond. Also, I’ve noticed that the Force around you tends to change its color; yours is cyan, but sometimes it switches to a darker shade, I wondered what could be causing…”
“你正在经历的可能是某种类型的原力纽带。另外，我注意到你周围的原力往往会改变它的颜色;你的是青色的，但有时它会变成更深的阴影，我想知道是什么原因造成的......”

“It’s cerulean blue sometimes, right?” The words flew out of his mouth before he could bite his tongue and remain silent. His Master nodded.
“有时候是蔚蓝色的，对吧？”话还没来得及咬住舌头，就从他的嘴里飞了出来，保持沉默。他的师父点点头。

“You should be careful, Cal. Shield. Don’t tell him anything, don’t show him anything. Pick your own battles. He cannot hurt you in your dreams but he can try to manipulate you into telling where you are. He isn’t good at manipulating people, but his allies are.”
“你得小心点，卡尔·希尔德。什么都不要告诉他，什么都不要给他看。选择你自己的战斗。他不能在你的梦中伤害你，但他可以试图操纵你说出你在哪里。他不擅长操纵人，但他的盟友却很擅长。

“I promise I won’t let anything slip.”
“我保证我不会放过任何事情。”

“I trust you.”
“我相信你。”

Cal didn’t expect to get anything more than that, really. He didn’t know what he expected, but he felt better, knowing that now Master Kenobi knew.
Cal 没想到会得到更多的东西，真的。他不知道自己在期待什么，但他感觉好多了，因为他知道现在克诺比大人知道了。

They decided to meditate outside this time, beneath the stars. The nights were never dark on Tatooine; because there were too many moons, and the stars were bright, like shards of kyber crystals on Ilum, sparkling white.
他们决定这次在外面冥想，在星空下。塔图因的夜晚从来没有黑暗过;因为有太多的月亮，星星很亮，就像伊鲁姆上的凯伯水晶碎片，闪耀着白色的光芒。

The night was silent, save for the sounds of their breathing, and it was easy to concentrate on just that, or the constellations in the indigo-blue sky, Cal found. The stars pulled him towards them, echoes of violence, struggle and fighting; he knew that he had to be there — along the rebellion, fighting against the Empire, against the evil, and not sitting on the sand, in exile, dealing with his emotional trauma, caused by — Force , it was ridiculous. He wasn’t obliged to fight. The Order was no more. Nobody urged him to fight. He didn’t have to do it.
除了他们的呼吸声外，夜晚一片寂静，人们很容易集中注意力，或者是靛蓝色天空中的星座，卡尔发现。星星将他拉向他们，回荡着暴力、挣扎和战斗的回声;他知道他必须在那里——沿着叛乱，与帝国、邪恶作战，而不是坐在沙滩上，流亡，处理他的情感创伤，由——力量，这太荒谬了。他没有义务去战斗。教团已经不复存在。没有人催促他去战斗。他不必这样做。

He tried to push this thought aside, ignore the pull of the stars, ground himself on something else, and there was plenty other things to concentrate on — the sea of beige sand around them, the endless dunes —
他试着把这个念头放在一边，无视星星的拉扯，让自己立足于别的东西上，还有很多其他的事情可以集中精力——他们周围的米色沙海，一望无际的沙丘——

He wondered whether Tatooine has always been just that, a desert planet, covered by a sea of sand. Was it because of the two suns? Was it because people here sold water as a commodity? Was it, perhaps, a natural disaster?
他想知道塔图因是否一直都是这样，一个被沙海覆盖的沙漠星球。是因为两个太阳吗？是因为这里的人把水当作商品来卖吗？也许是一场自然灾害吗？

Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi come here, of all places —
欧比旺·克诺比为什么来到这里，在所有地方——

“You seem to have trouble concentrating.”
“你好像难以集中注意力。”

“Yes, Master.”
“是的，师父。”

“Want me to help?”
“要我帮忙吗？”

It was Cal’s turn to silently nod and stay silent, as he opened up his mind, allowing his Master to once again guide him towards the light — peace.
轮到卡尔默默地点头并保持沉默，他打开了自己的心扉，让他的师父再次引导他走向光明——和平。

They walked across the currents of the Force together, analyzing the situation they faced; Cal offered all his memories, every feeling, every sense, every detail he could recall, and his Master did so as well.
他们一起走过原力的洪流，分析他们面临的情况;卡尔提供了他所有的记忆、每一种感觉、每一种感官、他能回忆起的每一个细节，他的师父也这样做了。

Cal knew now that the decision to mind-trick Owen Lars didn’t come easy, and that his Master was genuinely worried for him, that his desire to help was endless, just as his knowledge that he couldn’t really do anything, because Force-healing wasn’t really a thing, because the Jedi could survive many hardships, but if the wound was fatal, well —
卡尔现在知道，对欧文·拉斯进行心灵欺骗的决定并不容易，他的师父真的为他担心，他乐于助人的愿望是无止境的，就像他知道他真的什么都做不了一样，因为原力治疗并不是一回事，因为绝地武士可以度过许多困难，但如果伤口是致命的， 嗯——

Qui-Gon Jinn died in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s arms because there was no way the Force could heal him.
Qui-Gon Jinn 死在了 Obi-Wan Kenobi 的怀里，因为原力无法治愈他。

But something happened the moment his Master’s Force touched him; it was as if it hit a lens, was refocused and amplified to an extreme, and that was what allowed it to not just help Cal concentrate, but to heal.
但是，当他的主人之力触碰到他的那一刻，发生了一些事情;就好像它撞上了镜片，被重新聚焦和放大到极致，这就是它不仅帮助 Cal 集中注意力，而且治愈的原因。

Cal knew that people used to describe his presence in the Force as transparent, it wasn’t a secret, but only now he saw a parallel between this, and a throw-away line from the youngling.
卡尔知道人们过去常常用透明来形容他在原力中的存在，这并不是秘密，但直到现在他才看到这和这个年轻人的一句话之间的相似之处。

“ And you are like a lens. You don’t have much of anything yourself, but if something shines through you, it might even burn.”
“而你就像一个镜头。你自己什么都没有，但如果有什么东西照进你身上，它甚至可能会燃烧。

So that’s what it was.
所以事情就是这样。

Another one of his powers, and he was supposed to be someone’s companion, in order for it to be of any use. A mirthless laugh escaped his throat, even through the trance. Even if he learns to use it — his Master won’t ever leave this planet, because apparently there is this youngling, whom he sworn to protect —
他的另一项能力，他应该是某人的伴侣，以便它有任何用处。一阵无情的笑声从他的喉咙里传出，甚至在恍惚中也是如此。即使他学会了使用它——他的师父永远不会离开这个星球，因为显然有这个年轻人，他发誓要保护他——

Well, if he was ever to leave and fight, he had Cere, and Merrin, they were both Force-sensitive, although — Cal wasn’t sure he would like to… ah, on the battlefield it wouldn’t matter, what he would be comfortable with. Merrin was a nice person, and if she wielded the Dark, it didn’t matter, not really, as long as the Dark didn’t stain her. Cere remained shut off the Force, because… well. She feared that her green would bleed to red if she didn’t. The Fortress showed that it was… a possibility still.
好吧，如果他要离开去战斗，他有Cere和Merrin，他们都对原力敏感，尽管——Cal不确定他是否愿意......啊，在战场上，他会适应什么并不重要。梅林是个好人，如果她使用黑暗，那也没关系，不是真的，只要黑暗不玷污她就行。Cere 仍然与原力隔绝，因为......井。她担心如果不这样做，她的绿色会流成红色。要塞表明它是......仍然有可能。

Deep breath in, slow breath out.
深吸一口气，慢慢呼气。

When he opened his eyes, Master Kenobi was looking at him, mesmerized, as if Cal was a human-sized fire ruby, and he was a jewelry thief.
当他睁开眼睛时，克诺比大师正看着他，着迷了，仿佛卡尔是一颗人类大小的火红宝石，而他是一个珠宝窃贼。

“Not many Jedi have this type of power,” he said softly, words resembling those of Cere, about psychometry.
“没有多少绝地武士拥有这种力量，”他轻声说，类似于 Cere 关于心理测量学的词语。

Only this time around Cal had nothing to say back. He thought that he’d rather trade it for simply having more connection to the Force around him, more of the simple, raw power, because in battle it proved to be more useful than chasing echoes and — he couldn’t think of any way to apply this skill, because on his quest he was, mostly, alone. With a droid.
只是这一次，卡尔没有什么可回的。他想他宁愿用它来换取与周围原力的更多联系，更多简单、原始的力量，因为在战斗中，它被证明比追逐回声更有用，而且——他想不出任何方法来应用这个技能，因为在他的任务中，他大部分时间都是孤身一人。带着一个机器人。

He looked at Obi-Wan and then — away, to the stars. He felt that if his eyes lingered at the sight of his Master a second too long he might say something incredibly stupid, something like “I lo -
他看了看欧比旺，然后——远处，看向星星。他觉得，如果他的眼睛在看到他的师父时停留太久，他可能会说出一些非常愚蠢的话，比如“我瞧——

No. He knew better than that.
不。他知道的比这更清楚。

He knew better than that, because he was exposed to someone else’s feelings, affected by them, re-lived someone else’s emotions again and again, through his nightmares, those awful dreams, and now… his own affection was mixed with echoes of Anakin’s love, which was sick, and dark, and twisted, a burning feeling which couldn’t exist inside a Jedi’s soul.
他知道的比这更清楚，因为他接触到了别人的感受，受到了它们的影响，一次又一次地重温了别人的情绪，通过他的噩梦，那些可怕的梦，现在......他自己的感情与阿纳金的爱的回声混合在一起，这种爱是病态的、黑暗的、扭曲的，一种绝地武士灵魂中不可能存在的炽热的感觉。

Cal tried to smile, but it didn’t turn out quite the way he wanted. Still, his Master gave him space and didn’t question it. He was… thankful.
卡尔试图微笑，但结果并不完全是他想要的样子。尽管如此，他的师父还是给了他空间，并没有质疑。他......感谢。

He didn’t have any dreams that night and Master Kenobi woke him up before dawn. He was still a bit sleepy as he got dressed, but thoughts about saber practice were surely lightening up his mood.
那天晚上他没有做任何梦，克诺比大师在黎明前叫醒了他。他穿衣服时仍然有点困，但一想到练剑，他的心情肯定就轻松了。

“I would like you to memorize the way,” Master Kenobi told him, as they approached the speeder. “You will be the one driving on the way back.”
“我希望你记住这条路，”当他们接近飞船时，克诺比大师告诉他。“你会是回程中开车的人。”

“Okay!” Cal replied eagerly.
“好的！”卡尔急切地回答。

To be completely honest, he half-expected Master Kenobi not to trust him with that sort of thing after what happened, and was glad that it wasn’t the case. He was also glad that this time they made it to the canyon by sunrise, before it got too hot; he noticed that the air seemed to be much drier than usual, too, unpleasantly so.
老实说，他半信半疑地预料到克诺比大人在发生这种事情后不会信任他，并且很高兴事实并非如此。他也很高兴这一次他们在日出前到达了峡谷，在天气变得太热之前;他注意到空气似乎也比平时干燥得多，令人不快。

Nothing changed since their last visit, although Cal noticed that the remotes weren’t exactly untouched, either. He remembered they were laid down differently last time, and they weren’t covered by a layer of sand or dust — which would have inevitably have happened were they untouched for more than two weeks in the desert. That could have meant only one thing: while he slept, his Master trained. Well, it wasn’t exactly surprising, no, but if Cal wasn’t at least a bit nervous about his performance before, he surely was now. Were they going to have the duel, like before? Would it be just as hard, as before, or, perhaps, now, when his body was finally well-rested, he would be able to pull himself together without just one more stim ? Would he feel just as helpless, time and time again, laying on the sand on his back with his lightsaber just too far out of reach?..
自从他们上次来访以来，什么都没有改变，尽管 Cal 注意到遥控器也不是完全没有动过。他记得上次它们的铺设方式不同，而且没有被一层沙子或灰尘覆盖——如果它们在沙漠中两个多星期没有被触碰，这种情况将不可避免地发生。这可能只意味着一件事：当他睡觉时，他的师父在训练。嗯，这并不奇怪，不，但如果 Cal 之前对自己的表现没有至少一点紧张，那么他现在肯定是。他们要像以前一样进行决斗吗？会不会和以前一样难受，或者，也许，现在，当他的身体终于得到充分休息时，他能够不费吹灰之力就振作起来了？他会不会一次又一次地感到同样无助，仰面躺在沙地上，手里拿着触手可及的光剑?..

“Catch!”
“接住！”

At least his reflexes didn’t fail him, and he reacted in time, as Master Kenobi tossed him a training remote.
至少他的反应没有让他失望，而且他及时反应过来，因为克诺比大师扔给他一个训练遥控器。

“We will begin with katas, and then move on to sparring. Also, I’d like you to start with the basics, meaning, Form I, using just one blade.”
“我们将从招式开始，然后继续对练。另外，我希望你从基础开始，也就是说，形式 I，只使用一个刀片。

Cal nodded. It made sense, to start from the beginning. He fiddled with the controls of the remote a bit, adjusting the settings, and then tossed it into the air, as his other hand curled around his lightsaber’s hilt.
卡尔点点头。从头开始是有道理的。他稍微摆弄了一下遥控器的控件，调整了设置，然后把它扔到了空中，同时他的另一只手蜷曲在光剑的剑柄上。

Finally.
最后。

He could feel the Force swirling around the blade of cyan light, as it ignited with a soft whoosh. Sweep of an arm. A step back. Then one to the right. And another sweep. The Force was his guide, its whispers clear. And his body finally did exactly what it should without excess concentration needed to keep his hands from shaking. Everything seemed so much better than before, Cal knew he could do it for hours —
他能感觉到原力在青色的光刃周围旋转，它被轻柔的嗖嗖声点燃。手臂的扫动。退后一步。然后向右移动一个。然后又一次横扫。原力是他的向导，它的低语清晰。他的身体终于完全按照它应该做的做了，没有过度集中注意力来防止他的手颤抖。一切似乎都比以前好多了，卡尔知道他可以做几个小时——

“Move on to Form II.”
“继续上 Form II。”

It didn’t matter which one Master Kenobi asked him to perform, Cal felt pretty confident about his performance, even if he got any remarks — like the one about the fact that his shoulders were too tense, or that his stance was a bit off. He was quick to correct himself and didn’t take them to heart; it was a learning process after all, and he knew that he wasn’t perfect. He was learning, and it was what mattered.
不管克诺比大师让他表演哪一个，卡尔都对自己的表演非常有信心，即使他得到了任何评论——比如关于他的肩膀太紧，或者他的姿势有点不对劲的评论。他很快就纠正了自己，并没有把它们放在心上;毕竟这是一个学习的过程，他知道自己并不完美。他在学习，这才是最重要的。

A step, a turn, a sudden stop, retreat. Repeat it all again, as his lightsaber sliced through the air, deflecting shots. It felt good, to finally move , feel his muscles stretch, feel his heart beat faster.
一步，一个转弯，突然停下来，撤退。再重复一遍，他的光剑划过空气，偏转了射击。感觉很好，终于动起来了，感觉到他的肌肉伸展，感觉到他的心跳加快了。

Training was different from fighting , because —
训练与战斗不同，因为——

He wasn’t inflicting pain. He wasn’t bringing destruction upon anyone. He wasn’t going against his own desire for peace.
他没有造成痛苦。他没有给任何人带来毁灭。他并没有违背他自己对和平的渴望。

He danced together with the flow of the Force, in an almost trance-like state. The suns above his head didn’t matter. The sand beneath his feet didn’t matter.
他随着原力的流动一起跳舞，处于一种近乎恍惚的状态。他头顶上的太阳并不重要。他脚下的沙子并不重要。

The blinding bright blue whooshed near his side and Cal blocked it, igniting the second blade of his ‘saber. Saw his Master smirk smugly — proud that he didn’t miss it, Cal could tell through their bond — as his eyes sparkled with excitement. Obi-Wan was just as intense as the first time, his presence in the Force an almost overwhelming thing, his movements fluid, and he was — oh, illusive , for lack of a better word. Cal couldn’t reach him, so he evaded instead, mirrored his Master’s movements instead, although it proved to be not that easy. Despite being so much younger, he quickly realised that he — he wasn’t as physically fit, as flexible and graceful as his Master was… He wanted to be. He would be.
那令人眼花缭乱的亮蓝色在他身边呼啸而过，卡尔挡住了它，点燃了他军刀的第二把刀。看到他的主人得意地笑着——为自己没有错过而感到自豪，卡尔可以通过他们的纽带看出来——他的眼睛里闪耀着兴奋的光芒。欧比旺和第一次一样紧张，他在原力中的存在几乎是压倒性的，他的动作流畅，而且他是——哦，虚幻，因为没有更好的词了。卡尔够不到他，所以他躲开了，反而模仿了他主人的动作，尽管事实证明这并不容易。尽管他年轻了很多，但他很快意识到他——他的身体不如他的主人那么健康、灵活和优雅......他想成为。他会的。

He was sure he would be, one day, if he tried hard enough.
他确信，如果他足够努力，总有一天他会这样做。

Their duel stretched for hours, as the two suns slowly crawled upwards through the blue cloudless sky, and Cal realized that he wasn’t feeling just as tired as he did the first time around. Perhaps it had to do with stims, which were no longer in his system, or the fact that his body adjusted to the planet’s heat. Still, he knew that he was sweating, that he was pushing his body closer to the limits, once again, as he aimed, summoned the Force to helm him, jumped, felt the burn in his muscles, and landed just a bit off his feet —
他们的决斗持续了几个小时，两个太阳缓缓地爬过万里无云的天空，卡尔意识到他的感觉不像第一次那么累了。也许这与刺激有关，这些刺激已经不在他的系统中了，或者他的身体适应了这颗行星的热量。尽管如此，他知道自己在出汗，他正在将自己的身体推向极限，再一次，当他瞄准时，召唤原力来掌舵他，跳起来，感觉到肌肉的灼热，然后稍微落在了他的脚上——

The sweat was evaporating right off his skin; the air was so dry, that he could feel it leave a burning feeling in his throat, as he took deep breaths.
汗水直接从他的皮肤上蒸发;空气是如此干燥，以至于当他深呼吸时，他能感觉到它在喉咙里留下了灼热的感觉。

“I guess that's enough for today,” Master Kenobi told him, as he switched his lightsaber off, and handed Cal a flask of water. “It’s getting too hot to go on, I don’t want either of us to risk overheating.”
“我想今天就够了，”克诺比大师对他说，一边关掉了他的光剑，递给卡尔一瓶水。“天气太热了，不能再继续了，我不想我们俩冒过热的风险。”

Cal gulped water greedily, only now realizing how thirsty he was. Then, he remembered yesterday’s talk about the dry season and rationing water. Oh. Oh. That won’t do. He couldn’t drink all of it. He stopped. Licked his lips. Enough is enough, then.
卡尔贪婪地喝着水，这才意识到他有多口渴。然后，他想起了昨天关于旱季和配给水的谈话。哦。哦。那不行。他不能把所有的东西都喝光。他停了下来。舔了舔嘴唇。那么，受够了。

“Thanks.”
“谢谢。”

“You did great, Cal. We will practice again tomorrow.”
“你做得很好，卡尔。我们明天再练习。

This was more than he could have ever asked for.
这超出了他所能要求的。

Mos Espa hasn’t changed at all since their last visit. The market was the same — it still covered the streets like a lichen, aliens of all shapes and sizes traded everything; haggled over gems, starship parts, food… Did some creepy-looking twi'lek just try to sell sand to a wookie? Wow, that was going just a bit too far.
自从他们上次访问以来，Mos Espa 根本没有改变。市场还是一样——它仍然像地衣一样覆盖着街道，各种形状和大小的外星人交易着一切;为宝石、星际飞船零件、食物讨价还价......一些看起来令人毛骨悚然的 twi'lek 只是想把沙子卖给 wookie 吗？哇，这有点过分了。

They made their way through the shops, stocking up on the supplies they needed. Cal could feel a bit of a deja-vu, as his hands were getting full off stuff, but this time, he wasn’t so lost in thoughts, he was smiling, as he watched his Master make his way through the city. He felt at peace with the world around him.
他们穿过商店，囤积他们需要的物资。卡尔能感觉到一点似曾相识的感觉，因为他的手已经沾满了东西，但这一次，他并没有那么沉浸在思绪中，他微笑着，看着他的主人穿过城市。他对周围的世界感到平静。

He watched silently as they stopped again at the same jewellery trader as the first time. Cal looked at the beads, spread on the beige canvas fabric, covering the table, and then glanced at his Master. Why did they come here? What was Obi-Wan looking for this time?
他静静地看着他们再次停在第一次的同一个珠宝商面前。卡尔看着铺在米色帆布布上、覆盖在桌子上的珠子，然后看了一眼他的师父。他们为什么来到这里？欧比旺这次在找什么？

The bead his Master chose was cerulean blue, a perfectly round, polished sphere. A full price was paid for it. Cal knew that it was going straight to his braid as soon as they returned home, yet, he felt conflicted about it, somehow.
他的师父选择的珠子是蔚蓝色的，一个完美的圆形、抛光的球体。为此支付了全价。卡尔知道他们一回家就直接打到他的辫子上，然而，不知何故，他对此感到矛盾。

Ah, no matter. He guessed it was true that Anakin Skywalker was a part of his life and training; his trial.
啊，没关系。他猜想阿纳金·天行者确实是他生活和训练的一部分;他的审判。

They were preparing to leave already, when he felt a pull of the Force towards — there just around the corner…
他们已经准备离开了，这时他感觉到一股原力的拉力向——就在拐角处......

“Go” it whispered, “There is something for you there.”
“去吧，”它低声说，“那里有东西给你。

He touched his Master’s shoulder, told him that he needed a few minutes.
他摸了摸师父的肩膀，告诉他需要几分钟。

“Don’t take too long,” there was a question in his eyes, as he let him go, but permission was all Cal needed.
“不要花太长时间，”当他放开他时，他的眼中带着一个疑问，但卡尔只需要许可。

He followed the whispers of the Force, as if it was a magnet which pulled him closer to — to what? Where?
他跟随着原力的低语，仿佛它是一块磁铁，把他拉得更近——到什么地方？哪里？

There was a trader there, mostly spare parts for starships inside his shop; stripped from the republic ships, too. Not much else, aside from mechanic junk.
那里有个商人，大部分是他店里星际飞船的备件;也从共和国的船只上被剥夺了。除了机械垃圾之外，没有太多其他东西。

“You wanted something?” show owner, a dug with strangely long whiskers, asked him, in a heavily accented basic.
“你想要什么吗？”节目主持人，一个留着奇怪长胡须的挖人，用带有浓重口音的基本语气问他。

He was an unfriendly fellow, Cal thought, as he looked around, and it was then his eyes fell on the only object which looked like it didn’t belong.
他是个不友好的家伙，卡尔想，他环顾四周，就在那时，他的目光落在了唯一看起来不属于它的东西上。

The Force sang, as he took a step closer.
原力唱着，他走近了一步。

Yes, it was this, what called to him.
是的，就是这个，召唤着他。

A musical instrument. It looked almost like the one which Cere had on Mantis, but was made out of some light wood, had more strings, three oval soundholes, a shorter neck… it was smaller, too. Almost like a lute, but not quite. There was a faded orange silk cord tied to it, with a shard of kyber on its end — who in the world used kyber crystal as a pick to play an instrument? But there was no other point in keeping a kyber tied there like this…
一种乐器。它看起来几乎像 Cere 在 Mantis 上的那个，但是由一些轻质木头制成的，有更多的琴弦，三个椭圆形的音孔，一个较短的琴颈......它也更小了。几乎像琵琶，但又不完全是。上面系着一根褪色的橙色丝线，末端有一块凯伯的碎片——世界上谁用凯伯水晶作为拨片来演奏乐器呢？但是像这样把 kyber 绑在那里没有其他意义......

He heard a song, and not just of the Force, but also — a kyber crystal wept, away from someone it held dear. And was it blood on the silk cord? Was it blood on the light wooden surface, just where the polish got a bit abraded —
他听到了一首歌，不仅是原力的歌，还有——一颗凯伯水晶哭泣着，远离了它所珍视的人。是丝线上的血吗？是不是浅色木质表面的血迹，就在抛光剂有点磨损的地方——

“How much for this thing?” Cal asked, pointing in the direction of the instrument.
“这东西多少钱？”卡尔指着仪器的方向问道。

The shop owner wrinkled his nose.
店主皱了皱鼻子。

“This? You can just take it free of charge, if you promise that you won’t bring it back, screaming, the first thing tomorrow.”
“这个？你可以免费拿走它，如果你保证明天第一件事就不会把它带回来，尖叫着。

Nobody ever gave anyone anything for free, on Tatooine, and yet…
在塔图因，从来没有人免费给任何人任何东西，然而......

Cal understood that if he touched the instrument, he would feel the echo, and from the dug’s words he gathered that it was probably going to be too strong to suppress and just go on —
卡尔明白，如果他触摸乐器，他会感觉到回声，从那个被挖的人的话语中，他推断出它可能太强烈了，无法抑制并继续——

He took off his poncho and wrapped the instrument in it, careful to avoid touching it with his bare hands, shielding his mind as he did it, dampening everything, stubbornly refusing to feel the Force —
他脱下雨披，把乐器裹在里面，小心翼翼地避免徒手碰到它，一边这样做一边屏蔽自己的思想，抑制一切，顽固地拒绝感受原力——

Someone else’s pain still leaked through, and he had to bite his lip not to give in to the vision.
别人的痛苦还是渗了出来，他不得不咬紧嘴唇，不让这个幻象屈服。

He felt concern from his bond with Master Kenobi.
他对自己与克诺比大师的关系感到担忧。

“Are you alright?”
“你还好吗？”

He thanked the shop owner, who muttered something in a language Cal didn’t know, and hurried back to the speeder. He would be fine. He could keep his mind shielded for a couple of minutes.
他感谢了店主，店主用 Cal 不懂的语言喃喃自语了些什么，然后匆匆忙忙地回到了飞车旁。他会没事的。他可以把自己的思想屏蔽几分钟。

Notes:
笔记：

WHat did u want to say, Cal, right there, that "I lo-" what was that??? Could you maybe??? Say it aloud???
你刚才想说什么呢，卡尔，就在那儿，那个“我瞧——”那是什么???也许你???大声说出来???

PS- the musical instrument he found ressembles an arabic oud if any of you want the visual reference, but smaller version of it.
PS- 他找到的乐器类似于阿拉伯乌德琴，如果你们中的任何人想要视觉参考，但要缩小版。

Chapter 13: Obi-Wan Kenobi
第 13 章：欧比旺·克诺比

Notes:
笔记：

Yay! I've finished another chapter!!
耶！我又读完了一章！！

Obi-Wan's POV is somehow harder to write, sooo yeah.
欧比旺的 POV 在某种程度上更难写，所以是的。

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Obi-Wan didn’t panic when Cal suddenly went silent in the Force, shutting off their connection, suddenly growing distant and cold. No. He didn’t panic. He refused to panic ; it was just — natural, to worry about his Padawan, who suddenly disappeared among the crowd, whom he felt hurting at the last moments —
当卡尔突然在原力中沉默，切断了他们的联系，突然变得疏远和冰冷时，欧比旺并没有惊慌失措。不。他没有惊慌。他拒绝惊慌;只是——很自然地，担心他的 Padawan，他突然消失在人群中，他在最后时刻感到受伤——

Why were his apprentices always making him —
为什么他的徒弟总是让他——

Why were they always so reckless, unpredictable, so —
为什么他们总是那么鲁莽，那么不可预测，所以——

He was about to go search for the boy, when Cal emerged from across the street, his poncho wrapped around something that he carried with great care, but also like… like he didn’t want to hold it, and the thing inside the fabric felt borderline dark . Cal’s movements were strained, brows furrowed, he was biting his lip, hard enough to make it bleed, oh, what could have happened —
他正要去寻找那个男孩，这时卡尔从街对面走出来，他的雨披上缠着他小心翼翼地携带的东西，但也像......就像他不想拿着它一样，布料里面的东西感觉近乎黑暗。卡尔的动作很紧张，眉头紧皱，他咬着嘴唇，用力到要流血了，哦，可能发生了什么——

“Are you okay, Cal?” Obi-Wan repeated his question, as his Padawan stopped in front of him, hesitating.
“你还好吗，卡尔？”欧比旺重复了他的问题，而他的学徒停在他面前，犹豫不决。

“Yes, but... Master, could you…” Cal’s breath was uneven, his eyes hazy, vision clouded. “Could you take this off my hands? It might not be nice, but could you?”
“是的，但是......师父，您能不能......”卡尔的呼吸不均匀，他的眼睛朦胧，视线模糊。“你能把这个从我手上拿下来吗？这可能不好，但你能吗？

Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate, as he took whatever Cal gave him, unwrapped it, as it almost hit him; the pain, the suffering, someone else’s heartbreak. He didn’t need to have psychometry to sense it; there was no vision, he couldn’t know the exact circumstances of whatever came to pass, but for a moment he just stood there, petrified, the lute in one hand, and Cal’s poncho in the other.
欧比旺没有犹豫，他拿走了卡尔给他的东西，打开了包装，因为它几乎击中了他;痛苦，苦难，别人的心碎。他不需要心理测量学来感知它;没有幻觉，他不知道发生了什么事情的确切情况，但有那么一刻，他只是站在那里，石化了，一手拿着琵琶，一手拿着卡尔的雨披。

It took him several seconds to pull himself together; he could only imagine how hard it was for his Padawan, who was much more sensitive to echoes. He gave Cal his poncho back and looked at the lute.
他花了好几秒才让自己振作起来;他只能想象这对他的 Padawan 来说有多难，他对回声要敏感得多。他把他的雨披还给卡尔，看着琵琶。

It looked somehow familiar, the pale snow-wood contrasting with darker shades of kriin. The faded silk cord was tied around its neck, silencing the thing, and there was a kyber crystal tied to it — oh that could only mean one thing. The instrument belonged to a Jedi. Kyber crystals had strange effects on those who weren’t Force-sensitive, so they couldn’t use them so — so casually, so randomly. That little shard was the colour of the sun, the liquid gold, a unique color for a lightsaber, a rare color for a Jedi’s soul.
它看起来有点熟悉，苍白的雪木与较深的 kriin 形成鲜明对比。褪色的丝线系在它的脖子上，使这东西安静下来，上面还系着一颗凯伯水晶——哦，那只能意味着一件事。这把乐器属于一个绝地武士。Kyber 水晶对那些对原力不敏感的人有奇怪的效果，所以他们不能这么——这么随意，这么随意地使用它们。那小碎片是太阳的颜色，液态的黄金，是光剑的独特颜色，是绝地灵魂的稀有颜色。

He suddenly remembered how the sun shined through the windows of the Halls of Healing, he remembered pacing the corridor, frowning, waiting for the healers to summon him — to allow him to see his padawan, after what happened on Geonosis. There was no peace back then, none, because he felt Anakin’s pain, because Geonosis had been awful. Because so many were now dead, and Dooku still managed to escape. Because he should be mourning the dead and all he was concerned about was —
他突然想起了阳光是如何从治疗大厅的窗户照进来的，他想起了在走廊上踱步，皱着眉头，等待治疗师召唤他——让他看到他的学徒，在吉奥诺西斯发生的事情之后。那时没有平静，没有，因为他感受到了阿纳金的痛苦，因为吉奥诺西斯太可怕了。因为现在已经死了这么多人，而 Dooku 仍然设法逃脱了。因为他应该哀悼死者，而他所关心的只是——

His Padawan lost his right hand. He was responsible for it. He failed to protect him. Didn’t find it in himself to get up from the ground in time, he —
他的学徒失去了右手。他对此负责。他没能保护他。他自己没有及时从地上爬起来，他——

“Walking around in circles won’t get you anywhere. So, stop.”
“兜圈子走不会让你去任何地方。所以，停下来。

The voice of another Jedi sounded annoyed, more than anything. Obi-Wan guessed, that serenity eluded them all, now. He looked at the man leaning against the wall: pale skin, chestnut-colored curly hair doing a great job of hiding horns on his head, but nothing could be done about tribal tattoos on his face, even though they had faded to almost nothing. Half-zabrak, probably, and although Obi-Wan wasn’t the one to judge by race… he couldn’t help but remember how a brilliant blade of red went right through his Master’s chest.
另一个绝地武士的声音听起来很恼火，比什么都重要。欧比旺猜想，现在他们所有人都无法获得宁静。他看着靠在墙上的男人：苍白的皮肤，栗色的卷发，很好地把角藏在了他的头上，但对他脸上的部落纹身却无能为力，即使它们已经褪色得几乎为零。可能是半个 zabrak，虽然 Obi-Wan 不是按种族来评判的人......他不禁想起了一把璀璨的红刃是如何直接穿过他师父的胸膛的。

He thought that he was over it long ago, but, apparently, he was not. O r, perhaps, what happened has thrown him off balance more than he had dared to admit.
他以为他很久以前就结束了，但显然，他并没有。哦，也许，发生的事情使他失去了平衡，比他敢承认的还要多。

He has never seen this Jedi in the Temple before, not once. But somehow he felt that they had met before. Several times, in fact.
他以前从未在神殿里见过这个绝地武士，一次也没有。但不知何故，他觉得他们以前见过面。事实上，好几次。

“Do I know you?”
“我认识你吗？”

“No. But I’ve seen you before, on Ilum.”
“不。但我以前在伊卢姆见过你。

“I don’t remember seeing you there.”
“我不记得在那儿见过你。”

“Well, you didn’t. I don’t interrupt those who come to face the trials, I work with the crystals, not with people. So you might have felt me in the Force, but nothing more. That’s why you feel that you know me.”
“嗯，你没有。我不会打断那些前来面对试炼的人，我与水晶一起工作，而不是与人一起工作。所以你可能在原力中感受到了我，但仅此而已。这就是为什么你觉得你了解我。

“I’ve never seen you on Coruscant before either.”
“我以前也没在科鲁桑见过你。”

It really was strange, that their paths have never crossed. There weren’t that many Jedi in the galaxy, Obi-Wan was confident that he saw everyone at least once or twice, and yet —
真的很奇怪，他们的道路从未有过交集。银河系中没有那么多绝地武士，欧比旺有信心他至少见过每个人一两次，然而——

“It’s the last place in the galaxy I’d rather be. But… You aren’t the only one, whose Padawan decided to engage in mindless violence and suffered for it.”
“这是我最不想去的地方。但。。。你不是唯一一个，你的学徒决定参与盲目的暴力并为此而受苦。

Oh. Oh that .
哦。哦，那个。

“I’m so sorry,” Obi-Wan told him, although he still felt hypocritical, because he didn’t truly care about some other kid, as long as Anakin was —
“我很抱歉，”欧比旺对他说，尽管他仍然觉得自己很虚伪，因为他并不真正关心其他孩子，只要阿纳金是——

But he could relate. At least he could offer this stranger that.
但他能感同身受。至少他可以给这个陌生人那个。

“I wish I was sorry. But I think that my Padawan just learned his lesson. About what violence leads to.”
“我希望我很抱歉。但我认为我的 Padawan 刚刚吸取了教训。关于暴力会导致什么。

Obi-Wan didn’t know what to say to that. From one point of view, he understood what the other Jedi meant. He didn’t like the war, but what other way there was to maintain peace? Sometimes, when other people refused to stand up for themselves, the Jedi had to step in, lightsaber in hand, thay had to help those in need.
欧比旺不知道该说什么。从一个角度来看，他明白另一个绝地武士的意思。他不喜欢战争，但还有什么其他方法可以维持和平呢？有时，当其他人拒绝为自己挺身而出时，绝地武士不得不介入，手里拿着光剑，他必须帮助有需要的人。

Even if that meant self-sacrifice.
即使这意味着自我牺牲。

He wanted to start talking, when...
他想开始说话，这时......

“Why don’t we take this conversation elsewhere? I don’t want our heated argument to disturb those who need to heal,” the half-zabrak told him with a mirthless smile.
“我们为什么不把这个对话带到其他地方呢？我不希望我们激烈的争论打扰到那些需要治愈的人，“那个半扎布拉克带着无情的笑容告诉他。

There was no heated argument, as they walked through the Temple, because his new acquaintance — Anik Vahaan was his name — turned out to be a good listener, and was ready to nod and agree with most of Obi-Wan’s reasoning. There was no heated argument as they passed the Room of a Thousand Fountains, talking about how after Geonosis both of their souls should have been mourning about the dead, and yet, all the thoughts were centered around those who were closest — even though the Code said that attachment was forbidden.
当他们穿过神庙时，没有激烈的争论，因为他的新熟人——他的名字叫阿尼克·瓦哈恩——原来是个很好的倾听者，并且准备点头同意欧比旺的大部分推理。当他们经过千泉之屋时，没有激烈的争论，谈论着在吉奥诺西斯之后，他们的两个灵魂都应该为死者哀悼，然而，所有的想法都集中在那些最亲近的人身上——尽管法典说依恋是被禁止的。

“I've been thinking about that too,” Master Vahaan said sadly, as he stopped in front of the window and looked up, towards the clear blue sky.
“我也一直在想这个问题，”Vahaan 大师悲伤地说，他停在窗前，抬头望向湛蓝的天空。

“On Ilum, there are thousands of kyber crystals. Yet, only some of them call to you in song once you come there.”
“在 Ilum 上，有成千上万的 kyber 晶体。然而，一旦你来到那里，他们中只有一些人会用歌声呼唤你。

There was a faded yellow cord tied around his wrist, and on it — a shard of kyber, liquid gold in color, too small to become a heart of a lightsaber. The color of the sun, which was slowly setting, coloring lower levels of Coruscant in orange hues.
他的手腕上系着一根褪色的黄色绳子，上面——一块凯伯碎片，液态金色，太小了，无法成为光剑的心脏。太阳的颜色，慢慢落下，将较低级别的 Coruscant 染成橙色。

“I think people's souls are like kyber crystals, in a way. You can’t help but care more about some of them. Because they call for you. Because they need you to be there for them.”
“我认为在某种程度上，人们的灵魂就像凯伯水晶。你情不自禁地更关心他们中的一些人。因为他们在呼唤你。因为他们需要你在他们身边。

Strange, how the Force could bring things across the galaxy; he was sure that neither Anik Vahaan nor his Padawan, whose name Obi-Wan didn’t even know, had ever set foot on Tatooine, and this — well, together with the dark stain of the Force on the lute, it could only mean one thing. Both Jedi were mercilessly slayed by the clones or worse; Obi-Wan didn’t want to think about their fate for a second longer than he had to.
奇怪的是，原力是如何将事物带到银河系中的;他确信 Anik Vahaan 和他的 Padawan（Obi-Wan 甚至不知道他的名字）都从未踏足过塔图因，而这——嗯，再加上琵琶上原力的黑暗污点，它只能意味着一件事。两位绝地武士都被克隆人无情地杀死，或者更糟;欧比旺不想多考虑他们的命运一秒钟。

“Where did you get this?” he asked Cal softly.
“你从哪里弄来的？” 他轻声问卡尔。

“I felt the Force pulling me towards one of the shops,” his Padawan explained, as he hopped on the speeder, trying to act calm, but Obi-Wan could feel that he wasn’t. Not at all, even though he wasn’t shielding as much now. “The owner gave it to me free of charge. He was glad I took it away.”
“我感觉到原力把我拉向其中一家商店，”他的学徒解释道，他跳上飞车，试图表现得冷静，但欧比旺能感觉到他并没有。一点也不，即使他现在没有那么多防护了。“老板免费给我。他很高兴我把它拿走了。

“I’m not surprised,” Obi-Wan muttered. “We will talk about it, once we get home, alright?”
“我并不惊讶，”欧比旺咕哝道。“我们回家后再谈，好吗？”

Cal nodded, smiled.
卡尔点点头，微笑着。

Obi-Wan couldn’t help, but shake his head. He knew that following the lead of the Force was important, it was something that he preached himself, but he also thought that — well, picking your own battles was just as crucial. Because the Force’s will might sometimes be too much for one person to handle, and he didn’t want Cal subjecting himself to the memories of someone’s sufferings. Sufferings of people whom he didn’t know. Whom he had never met — not even once.
欧比旺忍不住，只好摇了摇头。他知道跟随原力的领导很重要，这是他自己宣扬的，但他也认为——嗯，选择你自己的战斗同样重要。因为原力的意志有时可能对一个人来说太过分了，他不想让卡尔让自己受制于某人痛苦的记忆中。他不认识的人的苦难。他从未见过他——甚至一次都没有。

The trip back home across the Dune Sea was a smooth one. Cal was a careful driver; at least, when he wasn’t alone. He seemed to have memorized the way perfectly, too. Obi-Wan found himself trusting him enough to relax and not pay too much attention to his surroundings; allow himself to be a passenger on this ride and wrap his arms around his Padawan’s frame.
穿越沙丘海回家的旅程很顺利。卡尔是一个细心的司机;至少，当他不孤单的时候。他似乎也把路记得很清楚。欧比旺发现自己足够信任他，可以放松并且不太关注周围的环境;让自己成为这次骑行的乘客，并搂着他的 Padawan 的框架。

He thought about how… how far Cal has come since their first meeting. He was so much stronger already; their practice today — a perfect example of just that. With his concentration in tact, Cal Kestis could achieve great heights, even if his stance in basic ‘saber forms needed to be corrected from time to time; it didn’t matter all that much on practice; it didn’t matter when he faced those who used to be untrained Padawans before falling to the dark themselves, it didn’t matter, when he faced stormtroopers.
他想着......自从他们第一次见面以来，卡尔已经走了多远。他已经强壮多了;他们今天的做法 — 就是一个很好的例子。凭借他的专注机智，卡尔·凯斯蒂斯可以达到很高的高度，即使他的基本“军刀形式”的姿势需要不时纠正;练习并不重要;当他面对那些曾经是未经训练的 Padawans 的人时，这并不重要，当他面对冲锋队时，这并不重要。

Cal was unique; he could take anyone by surprise, merely by that trick he had going on with his lightsaber — double-bladed, yet not really, because there were two weapons combined in one, astonishingly balanced, despite being made out of scraps. His battle style was just that; bits and pieces he saw somewhere, collected across the stars and made into something completely new; whole. With just a little nudge forward it was promising to become so much more than a flickering light it was right now.
卡尔是独一无二的;他可以让任何人大吃一惊，仅仅通过他用光剑使用的那个技巧——双刃，但不是真的，因为两种武器合二为一，尽管是用废料制成的，但平衡得惊人。他的战斗风格就是这样;他在某个地方看到的点点滴滴，从星际中收集起来，变成了全新的东西;整个。只要向前轻轻一推，它就有望变得不仅仅是现在的一盏闪烁的光。

Obi-Wan felt proud; so proud , and he let Cal know, through the Force connection that they shared, and he knew that his Padawan smiled, shy, but content, leaned back into his touch — just a bit, almost unnoticeably.
欧比旺感到自豪;如此自豪，他通过他们共享的原力联系让卡尔知道，他知道他的学徒微笑着，害羞但满足，向后靠在他的抚摸中——只是一点点，几乎不引人注意。

“Don’t get distracted,” Obi-Wan laughed quietly.
“别分心，”欧比旺轻声笑了起来。

“I’m not,” Cal breathed, his smile growing wider.
“我不是，”卡尔喘着气，他的笑容越来越灿烂。

They arrived home long before dusk, while suns were still high in the sky, the heat almost burning hot. It was much hotter here, in the middle of the Dune Sea, so they hurried inside, hauling everything they’ve bought. Obi-Wan carefully carried the lute inside as well, set it on the table, where it loomed over them, despite being, truly, small in size.
他们在黄昏前很久就回到了家，当时太阳还高高挂在天空中，炎热得几乎炙热。这里在沙丘海中央要热得多，所以他们急忙进去，拖着他们买的所有东西。欧比旺也小心翼翼地把鲁特琴搬进去，放在桌子上，尽管它确实很小，但它却在他们面前若隐若现。

The kyber crystal sparkled in the light shining through the window, yellow; same yellow as the sun — but also, same yellow as the eyes of a Sith. Together with the pain and darkness, radiating from the instrument, it really could be either of those, and he couldn’t bring himself not to think of it, now that he’d noticed the similarity. Anakin’s eyes burned the same yellow back at Mustafar.
凯伯水晶在透过窗户的光线下闪闪发光，是黄色的;和太阳一样黄——但也是和西斯的眼睛一样黄。再加上从仪器散发出来的痛苦和黑暗，真的可能是其中任何一种，他无法不去想它，现在他已经注意到了其中的相似之处。阿纳金的眼睛炙烤着同样的黄色，盯着穆斯塔法。

Cal set the last canister of water down and looked at him, a flicker of some emotion Obi-Wan couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes.
卡尔放下最后一罐水，看着他，眼中闪过一丝欧比旺无法完全确定的情绪。

“I wanted to talk to you, Cal,” he said in a soft voice. “About this lute you’ve found.”
“我想和你谈谈，卡尔，”他轻声说。“关于你找到的这把琵琶。”

“Yes, Master?”
“是的，主人？”

His Padawan continued to stare at him, wide-eyed, for a moment more, before looking away, almost hastily, a touch of blush spreading over his cheeks. No; he must be seeing things.
他的学徒继续盯着他，睁大了眼睛，又看了一会儿，然后几乎是匆忙地移开了视线，一抹红晕在他的脸颊上蔓延开来。不;他一定在看东西。

“I wanted to tell you that… no matter what the Force tells you, Cal, you have to pick your own battles,” he said. “Because sometimes the Force can be cruel.”
“我想告诉你......不管原力告诉你什么，卡尔，你都必须选择你自己的战斗，“他说。“因为有时原力可能很残酷。”

“I don’t care how much it hurts, if the Force wills it, I've already told you that, Master.”
“我不在乎有多痛，如果原力愿意，我已经告诉你了，师父。”

It amazed Obi-Wan how calm his Padawan’s voice was; how steady. How he appeared not to be scared at all — nor of the echo which waited for him, shall he touch the lute, nor of the hardships of the dry season ahead.
欧比旺惊讶于他的 Padawan 的声音是如此平静;多么稳定。他似乎一点也不害怕——也没有害怕等待他的回声，他将触摸鲁特琴，也没有害怕即将到来的旱季的艰辛。

“Sometimes, Cal, I think, you should.”
“有时候，卡尔，我想，你应该这样做。”

“Shouldn’t the Jedi always be selfless?”
“绝地武士不应该永远无私吗？”

“We should. But think about it this way: what if you push yourself too hard and eventually break? You came here because you could no longer take what the Force had in store for you, am I not right?”
“我们应该。但这样想：如果你把自己逼得太紧，最终崩溃怎么办？你来到这里是因为你再也无法接受原力为你准备的东西，我说得对吗？

His Padawan seemed at a loss for words; seemed on the verge of being ashamed. And even in the Force he tried to appear even more transparent than usual; as if he wasn’t here at all.
他的学徒似乎不知所措;似乎快要羞愧了。即使在原力中，他也试图显得比平时更加透明;就好像他根本不在这里一样。

“Now; I know that there were people in your path who took your choices away from you, and I’m not going to do that. I’m here to help you, to guide you, but the final decision will always be yours.”
“好了;我知道在你的道路上有人夺走了你的选择，我不会那样做。我是来帮助你、指导你的，但最终决定永远在你手中。

Another nod, and Cal’s eyes travelled across the room to the table; to the lute. He looked at it with curiosity, without fear. He looked at it as if he could feel the physical pull of the Force towards the damn thing.
卡尔又点了点头，眼睛穿过房间，看向桌子;到鲁特琴。他好奇地看着它，没有恐惧。他看着它，仿佛能感觉到原力对那个该死的东西的物理拉力。

Obi-Wan didn’t like it, and yet, what could he do? Pushing Cal towards a decision he himself would have preferred would have been wrong.
欧比旺不喜欢这样，然而，他能做什么呢？推动卡尔做出他自己更愿意的决定是错误的。

“I’ll wait until tomorrow. And, Master. I would like you to help me. Will you?”
“我会等到明天。还有，师父。我希望你帮助我。你愿意吗？

How could his Padawan ever doubt him?
他的学徒怎么会怀疑他呢？

“How could I not?”
“我怎么可能不呢？”

Cal’s smile was ever so soft, and it was nice, to know, that he felt reassured, just by the promise.
卡尔的笑容永远那么温柔，很高兴知道，仅仅因为这个承诺，他就感到放心了。

The rest of the day went by as usual — they’ve made dinner, although nothing fancy this time; meditated, when the suns were close to setting and the heat wasn’t unbearable; from the dusk and late into the evening. Went to sleep; as usual. Obi-Wan still felt a bit guilty that his Padawan slept by the door, but Cal didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed comfortable, among numerous pillows and blankets he stockpiled there, from all around the house, leaving Obi-Wan himself with just one of each thing; not that he minded.
这一天剩下的时间照常过着——他们已经做好了晚饭，虽然这次没有什么花哨的;冥想，当太阳快落山，炎热也不是难以忍受的时候;从黄昏一直到深夜。睡着了;照常。欧比旺仍然对他的学徒睡在门口感到有点内疚，但卡尔似乎并不介意。事实上，他似乎很舒服，在他从房子各处囤积的无数枕头和毯子中，欧比旺自己只剩下每一样东西一个;他并不介意。

“I wanted to tell you something, Master,” Cal told him, almost whispering it, but in the darkness of the room his voice still sounded loud and clear. Or, perhaps, it was their bond, the bluish-cyan string in the Force, which grew stronger each day, that made it so.
“我想告诉你一件事，主人，”卡尔对他说，几乎是低声说出来，但在房间的黑暗中，他的声音仍然响亮而清晰。又或者，也许是他们的纽带，原力中那根蓝青色的绳子，每天都在变得更强壮，才让它变得如此。

“Mm?”
“嗯？”

There it was again in the Force — that emotion, muffled, silenced, sharp around the edges. It was something important, Obi-Wan came to realise, and he listened, but no words came, for the longest time. Just the sound of his Padawan’s even breathing.
它又在原力中——那种情绪，被压抑、沉默、尖锐。这是一件重要的事情，欧比旺逐渐意识到，他听了很久，但没有说话。只是他的 Padawan 均匀的呼吸声。

And then...
然后。。。

“Meeting you… was the best thing that has ever happened to me. In my whole life.”
“遇见你......是发生在我身上的最好的事情。在我的一生中。

Notes:
笔记：

Meet my special OC child Anik Vahaan, who is a total douchebag and deserves to die a horrible death. Just kidding.
认识我特别的 OC 孩子 Anik Vahaan，他是一个彻头彻尾的混蛋，应该死得很惨。开玩笑。

Also, Cal, get a grip! Say it! *Palpatine voice* Do it! Do it!
另外，Cal，抓紧时间！说啊！*帕尔帕廷的声音* 做吧！做吧！

Chapter 14: Cal Kestis
第 14 章：卡尔·凯斯蒂斯

Notes:
笔记：

Hm. Have you noticed that Cal's chapters are always longer than Obi-Wan's? 'cuz I did.
嗯。你有没有注意到 Cal 的章节总是比 Obi-Wan 的长？因为我做到了。

Also, this chapter is somehow OC-heavy, so, deal with it.
另外，这一章在某种程度上是 OC 重的，所以，处理它。

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
（更多注释见本章末尾。

Chapter Text
章节正文

Cal had no idea how he had mastered the courage to say it; how he decided that it was, in the end, a good idea to share his revelation with Master Kenobi. Still, he thought that honesty was his best bet when dealing with emotions he couldn’t quite grasp yet; he thought that if he finally let the words out they would stop burning him from the inside.
卡尔不知道他是如何鼓起勇气说出这句话的;他最终如何决定与克诺比大师分享他的启示是个好主意。尽管如此，他认为在处理他还不太能掌握的情绪时，诚实是他最好的选择;他想，如果他最终把这些话说出来，他们就会停止从内心燃烧他。

It helped; in a way. He didn’t expect to get any sort of a reply, none at all, or, perhaps, a reprimand was in order. A lengthy talk about how he shouldn’t be talking in absolutes; about how emotions hinder a Jedi in just too many ways. What he got was —
它有帮助;在某种程度上。他没指望会得到任何形式的回答，根本没有，或者，也许，应该受到训斥。关于他不应该绝对地说话的冗长谈话;关于情绪如何以太多方式阻碍绝地武士。他得到的是——

Just so different.
就是如此不同。

His feelings were accepted for what they were; he wouldn’t have dreamt of having them returned, no, but acceptance was more than enough. His Master let him know that he wasn’t just a hindrance, that he was cherished too; a beloved apprentice, although they didn’t spend much time together, he really was exactly that —
他的感情被接受了;他做梦也想不到他们会回来，不，但接受已经绰绰有余了。他的师父让他知道，他不仅仅是一个阻碍，他也被珍惜;一个心爱的学徒，虽然他们在一起的时间不多，但他真的就是——

That’s what Obi-Wan Kenobi called him.
这就是欧比旺·克诺比对他的称呼。

“My beloved Padawan.”
“我心爱的 Padawan。”

And in that moment, in the dark, it didn’t matter to Cal that he still remembered that Obi-Wan used the exact same term referring to Anakin, when they had a conversation about attachments and the Code. It didn’t matter at all, because he chose to believe that every Padawan had a chance to be equally adored. He smiled, even though his eyes burned with tears — it was for just a moment, because the feeling he experienced was so high-pitched, but the burn of unshed tears was there.
在那一刻，在黑暗中，卡尔是否还记得欧比旺在他们谈论依恋和密码时，用了一模一样的词来指代阿纳金，这并不重要。这根本不重要，因为他选择相信每个 Padawan 都有机会受到同等的崇拜。他微笑着，尽管他的眼睛里燃烧着泪水——这只是一瞬间，因为他所体验到的感觉是如此高亢，但未流下的泪水的燃烧就在那里。

There was no peace, perhaps, but there was happiness, surely. And it didn’t feel wrong.
也许没有和平，但肯定有幸福。而且感觉并没有错。

Master Kenobi woke him up before dawn the next morning too, which meant another round of lightsaber practice. Cal didn’t expect that; for some reason he thought of it as a reward, and not something that they… on the other hand, however, he was a Jedi Padawan, and were they in the Temple, practice would have been his everyday routine, so there really was no room for surprise.
第二天早上，克诺比大师也在黎明前叫醒了他，这意味着又要进行一轮光剑练习。卡尔没想到;出于某种原因，他认为这是一种奖励，而不是他们......然而，另一方面，他是一名绝地学徒，如果他们在神殿里，练习将是他的日常，所以真的没有惊喜的余地。

Still, he felt ecstatic about it. Every second of it filled him with joy and satisfaction, even when he didn’t get the praises; and when he did, well —
尽管如此，他还是为此感到欣喜若狂。它的每一秒都使他充满了喜悦和满足，即使他没有得到赞美;当他这样做时，嗯——

They had breakfast there, at the foot of the mountain, watching the suns go up and paint the world in pinks, and reds, and yellows; watched the sky slowly turn from black to purple and then to clearest blue.
他们在山脚下吃早餐，看着太阳升起，把世界涂成粉红色、红色和黄色;看着天空慢慢地从黑色变成紫色，然后变成最清澈的蓝色。

“I used to watch the sunrises on Bogano,” Cal said then, leaning on a warm stone, “I couldn’t really meditate then, but I faked it, looking at the sun. It almost felt right. Almost brought me back to feeling at peace with the world.”
“我以前经常在博加诺看日出，”卡尔靠在一块温暖的石头上说，“那时我真的不能冥想，但我看着太阳假装了。感觉几乎是对的。几乎让我重新找回了与世界的和平。

His Master didn’t reply, but Cal didn’t need to hear his answer to know that he understood why he shared this. He felt Obi-Wan’s hand ruffle his hair, and he closed his eyes. It was — oh, all he ever wanted, all he ever, truly wished for. The acceptance, the training he got, the simple life without constant battles; there was finally, finally peace, and he was so grateful to the Force for leading him here, to this very spot in space and time.
他的师父没有回答，但卡尔不需要听到他的回答就知道他明白他为什么分享这个。他感觉到欧比旺的手捋了捋他的头发，然后他闭上了眼睛。那是——哦，他曾经想要的一切，他曾经真正希望的一切。他被接受，接受训练，没有不断战斗的简单生活;终于，终于有了和平，他非常感谢原力把他带到这里，来到这个时空的这个地方。

He might have thought of Tatooine as an unwelcoming place at first, but in the end, it didn’t matter at all.
起初，他可能认为塔图因是一个不受欢迎的地方，但到头来，这根本不重要。

His Master told him, on their way back home, that it was his focus, that determined his reality and Cal thought that it was probably true. He didn’t care that the suns were burning hot; he didn’t care that the sand was coarse, he didn’t care that the air was dry enough to make his nose bleed from time to time, he wasn’t scared of the memories he was going to live through once they arrived home.
在他们回家的路上，他的师父告诉他，是他的注意力决定了他的现实，卡尔认为这可能是真的。他不在乎太阳炙热;他不在乎沙子是不是粗糙的，他不在乎空气干燥到时不时地让他的鼻子流血，他不怕他们到家后他将要经历的回忆。

He found his balance in the bright blue of his Master’s Force, and in the clear blue of the sky above their heads; in the beige sepias of the sands, in the orange hues of the suns and in the promise of green he sometimes could guess somewhere on the fringes of his mind — Luke, the youngling’s name was, and he was living happily there, with his aunt and uncle, somewhere far away.
他在他主人的部队的亮蓝色和他们头顶上湛蓝的天空中找到了自己的平衡;在米色的棕褐色的沙滩上，在太阳的橙色调中，在绿色的希望中，他有时能猜到自己脑海边缘的某个地方——卢克，这个年轻人的名字叫卢克，他和他的姨妈和叔叔一起快乐地生活在遥远的地方。

Cal didn’t want to meet him again, but he was sure that he would, one way or another, because the Force was full of intention around them. Still, there was no use in haste, and Cal didn’t overthink. He had other things to do… so many other things to do…
卡尔不想再见到他，但他确信他会的，无论如何，因为原力在他们周围充满了意图。尽管如此，匆忙也没用，卡尔也没有想太多。他还有其他事情要做......还有很多其他事情要做...

By the time they got home, Cal had almost forgotten about the lute which somehow managed to dominate the room despite being so small; he didn’t even know whether it was the musical instrument itself or the kyber crystal, attached to it, which radiated such darkness.
当他们回到家时，卡尔几乎忘记了鲁特琴，尽管它这么小，但不知何故还是成功地占据了整个房间;他甚至不知道是乐器本身还是附着在上面的凯伯水晶，散发出如此黑暗的光芒。

“I’ve never seen a kyber of such color before,” Cal said, still a bit reluctant to touch the thing. He hasn’t decided how to approach it, yet. He knew that he wanted to utilise his newfound skill of using other’s strength, yet the question remained, how. A shared meditation might work, he reasoned, it might make the vision more controlled, might help him to give in less. Did he want to give in less? Did the Force want him to give in less?
“我以前从来没见过这种颜色的凯伯，”卡尔说，还是有点不愿意碰那东西。他还没有决定如何应对。他知道他想利用他新学到的利用他人力量的技能，但问题仍然存在，如何。他推断，共同的冥想可能会奏效，它可能会使视野更加可控，可能会帮助他减少屈服。他想少让步吗？原力希望他少让步吗？

Of that, he wasn’t entirely sure.
对此，他并不完全确定。

“Yellow is a rare color, it’s true,” Obi-Wan gently took the lute from the table to take a closer look at the crystal, it seemed. “Still, not as rare as…”
“黄色是一种稀有的颜色，这是真的，”欧比旺轻轻地从桌子上拿起琵琶，仔细看了看水晶，似乎。“不过，没有那么罕见......”

“Does it mean anything?” Cal couldn’t help but interrupt.
“这有什么意义吗？”卡尔忍不住打断了他。

“Well, the colors themselves don’t have any meaning; they merely indicate the basic underlying predisposition… They also change over time, that’s why younglings do not have a color in the Force. But if you are so curious, blue was supposed to indicate a guardian, green was for consulars, yellow used to mean a sentinel. However, one of the Jedi owning a yellow blade was… well, we had but one conversation, and from it I thought that all he ever wanted in his entire life was to sit on Ilum and sort through shards of kyber until his hands froze off. I wouldn’t call that a sentinel.”
“嗯，颜色本身没有任何意义;它们只是表明了基本的潜在倾向......他们也会随着时间的推移而变化，这就是为什么年轻人在原力中没有颜色的原因。但是，如果你好奇的话，蓝色应该表示监护人，绿色是领事，黄色是哨兵。然而，其中一位拥有黄色刀刃的绝地武士是......嗯，我们只进行了一次谈话，从中我想到，他这辈子只想坐在伊鲁姆上，整理凯伯的碎片，直到他的手冻僵。我不会称它为哨兵。

“Sounds more like he should have had a green one. Although it doesn’t really fit either.”
“听起来他更像应该有一个绿色的。虽然它也不是很合适。

“It doesn’t. But all of the crystals he had on him were this exact color. I remember, because it was the color of the sun on Coruscant the day we met.”
“它不会。但他身上的所有水晶都是这种颜色。我记得，因为那是我们见面那天科鲁桑的太阳的颜色。

Cal said nothing, because what could he contribute to this conversation, other than… a nod, perhaps? A silent apprehension of a partially untold story.
卡尔什么也没说，因为他能为这次谈话做些什么呢，除了......也许是点头？对一个部分不为人知的故事的无声理解。

They decided that meditation was indeed the best way to tackle this; still, his Master asked him twice, whether he was sure of his choice.
他们认为冥想确实是解决这个问题的最佳方法;尽管如此，他的主人还是问了他两次，他是否确定自己的选择。

He was.
他是。

Deep breath in. Slow breath out.
深吸一口气。缓慢呼气。

He knew what the Force wanted him to do, and he knew that he had the strength to do it.
他知道原力希望他做什么，他知道他有力量去做。

“I’m here for you.”
“我在这里等你。”

A reassuring whisper reached him through their bond, through the trance-like state, and he knew that there was no reason to be scared. No reason at all.
一声令人放心的耳语通过他们的纽带，通过恍惚的状态传到了他耳中，他知道没有理由害怕。完全没有理由。

He didn’t fight it this time, unlike the time he took hold of Trilla’s lightsaber, and this time it didn’t hurt him. Yet he wasn’t Cal Kestis in this, wasn’t himself , and someone else was hurting .
这次他没有反抗，不像他拿到特里拉的光剑时，这一次没有伤害到他。然而，他不是 Cal Kestis，不是他自己，还有人在受伤。

He was looking at a Jedi Master, who smiled mirthlessly; looked infinitely tired in his yellowishly-white robes.
他看着一位绝地大师，他笑得很开心;他穿着黄白色的长袍，看起来非常疲惫。

“I want to leave the Order, Keine, once the war is over,” he said, running a hand through his hair; which obscured — oh, was this Jedi master a zabrak?
“我想在战争结束后离开组织，凯恩，”他说，用一只手抚摸着他的头发;这掩盖了——哦，这位绝地大师是扎布拉克吗？

“But, Master, what about me? Us? Anik, you can’t do it!” Cal — no, he was Keine in his vision, whoever that was — felt betrayed, lost, hurt. There was something else, too, on the verge of being too much, and his eyes darted from his Master to the clone troopers, their armor painted purple. He was tall enough to look them in the eyes, Cal noticed. “Commander Corusca, tell him, he can’t just leave !”
“但是，师父，那我呢？我们？Anik，你不能这样做！卡尔——不，他就是他眼中的凯恩，不管那是谁——感到被背叛、迷失、受伤。还有其他东西，快要过分了，他的眼睛从他的主人身上扫向那些克隆人士兵，他们的盔甲被漆成紫色。他足够高，可以直视他们的眼睛，卡尔注意到了。“科鲁斯卡指挥官，告诉他，他不能就这样走！”

But Commander Corusca didn’t listen.
但科鲁斯卡指挥官没有听。

Neither did three other troopers; Keine knew their names; Solari, Quixioni and Upari; they had all stood there, for a brief moment, stupefied, hands raised to their helmets.
其他三名警官也没有;Keine 知道他们的名字;Solari、Quixioni 和 Upari;他们都站在那里，呆呆了一会儿，双手举到头盔上。

Then all Keine could smell was blaster fire.
然后 Keine 能闻到的只有爆能枪的火力。

All Cal could feel was Keine’s fear and his Master’s resolve.
卡尔能感受到的只有凯恩的恐惧和他主人的决心。

There was a sudden presence in the Force, sharp and unrelenting, bright amber-yellow, there was a severe hum of a lightsaber, and the smell of burnt flesh.
原力中突然出现，尖锐而无情，明亮的琥珀黄色，有光剑的严重嗡嗡声，还有烧焦的肉体的气味。

“Padawan, get behind me!”
“爸爸，跟在我后面！”

Four troopers were dead, sliced in pieces, but Cal knew that there were more. Keine didn’t know that yet, Keine looked at his hands — his left one prosthetic, fingers on his right one — too. Keine looked at his feet, both prosthetic below the knees. Keine finally took his lightsaber, feeling wrong, deep inside.
四名士兵已经死了，被切成碎片，但卡尔知道还有更多。Keine 还不知道，Keine 也看着他的手——他的左手是假肢，手指在他右手上。Keine 看着他的脚，两只脚都在膝盖以下。Keine 终于在内心深处拿起了他的光剑，感觉不对劲。

“Don’t do anything stupid, you hear me?”
“别做傻事，你听见了吗？”

Keine followed his Master through the star destroyer, named Dantari , eyes lowered. He didn’t fight. He didn’t ignite his weapon. He was afraid , and there were soldiers who used to be his friends , each and every one of them named after a crystal, Keine knew them all by names, and now they —
基恩跟着他的师父穿过了那艘名叫丹塔里的歼星舰，垂下了眼睛。他没有打架。他没有点燃他的武器。他很害怕，有些士兵曾经是他的朋友，他们每个人都以水晶命名，基恩知道他们的名字，现在他们——

Cal distanced from the memory. It was, perhaps, too much for him, because the situation was almost the same —
卡尔远离了记忆。也许，这对他来说太过分了，因为情况几乎是一样的——

And then Keine looked up.
然后 Keine 抬起头来。

No, the situation was precisely the same.
不，情况完全一样。

Before Keine’s Master turned — sharply, everything about him was so sharp, it seemed — he noticed, there was a blaster bolt in his neck, held still by the Force, pulsing just below the hairline. It was just a matter of time —
在Keine的主人转过身来之前——他周围的一切都似乎是如此尖锐——他注意到，他的脖子上有一枚爆能箭，被原力保持不动，在发际线下方跳动。这只是时间问题——

“Cover me, Keine, they’ve sealed the door to the shuttle bay, kriff , I don’t get it, what in the Force could have …”
“掩护我，Keine，他们已经把穿梭机舱的门封住了，Kriff，我不明白，原力里可能有什么......”

Master Tapal wasn’t that panicked , Master Tapal felt the attack before it came. This Jedi didn’t . But this Jedi had enough concentration to slow the blaster bolt and hold it; despite the pain, the movement, the panic.
塔帕尔大师并没有那么惊慌，塔帕尔大师在攻击来临之前就感受到了。这个绝地武士没有。但这个绝地武士有足够的注意力来减慢爆能箭的速度并握住它;尽管痛苦、运动、恐慌。

He — Keine — hesitantly flipped the switch of his lightsaber. It ignited, a blade of purple, same color as the stripes on the trooper’s armor. Keine felt scared of his own weapon, but he fought nonetheless, while his Master cut through the durasteel with his ‘saber behind him.
他——基恩——犹豫地拨动了他的光剑的开关。它点燃了一把紫色的刀刃，与士兵盔甲上的条纹颜色相同。Keine 对自己的武器感到害怕，但他还是战斗了，而他的主人则用他的“军刀”切开了硬钢。

It was one hell of an escape, and yet, they’ve made it to the transport shuttle; they’ve used the same trick to keep clones occupied, too — the command codes still worked, and overloading the ship’s reactor wasn’t hard; without Commander Corusca there was chaos among the troops, too.
这是一次地狱般的逃脱，然而，他们已经到达了运输班车;他们也使用了同样的技巧来让克隆人保持忙碌——命令代码仍然有效，而且让飞船的反应堆超载并不难;没有科鲁斯卡指挥官，部队中也出现了混乱。

No shots were fired when their transport launched. For a moment, it was okay; for a moment there was hope .
当他们的运输机启动时没有开枪。有那么一刻，一切都还好;有那么一刻，人们有了希望。

But there was a determined smile on zabrak’s face. Edged and unforgiving, his brows furrowed in a worst way of concentration — Cal could tell that it was it .
但扎布拉克的脸上却露出了坚定的笑容。他锋利而无情，以一种最糟糕的专注方式皱起了眉头——卡尔看得出来就是它。

Keine could too.
Keine 也可以。

“I’m plotting a course for Dantooine. I think you will be able to make a living there. See, I’m still leaving the Order, after all. Just a bit sooner than I wanted.”
“我正在为丹图因规划一条路线。我想你在那里就能谋生了。你看，毕竟我还是要离开教团。只是比我想要的要早一点。

He laughed, then. And he seemed almost happy, for a fraction of a second.
然后他笑了起来。他似乎几乎是高兴的，有那么一瞬间。

Through Keine’s eyes Cal could see his face twist with agony, as the blaster shot went through his neck, could see him go impossibly still and silent.
通过Keine的眼睛，Cal可以看到他的脸因痛苦而扭曲，当爆能枪的子弹穿过他的脖子时，可以看到他难以置信地静止和沉默。

But not dead .
但并没有死。

“You are not going anywhere,” Keine muttered, and the Force around him swirled in an impossible hue of crimson, he flopped on the floor, took the lute — all this time it was behind his back, on the strap, this Padawan really wasn’t in it for the fighting, was he? — and hugged it, as if it was a living thing.
“你哪儿也去不了，”Keine咕哝着，他周围的原力在一种不可思议的深红色中旋转，他瘫倒在地板上，拿起了琵琶——一直以来，它都在背后，在皮带上，这个学徒真的不是为了战斗的，对吧？——然后拥抱它，仿佛它是一个活物。

At first, when the world blacked around him, Cal thought that it was it; the end of the vision; but he was mistaken. The Force simply allowed him a brief moment to recollect himself, to breath, to think it through; to understand that if he wanted, he could pull back now. He didn’t want to. He was going through it till the end. After all, the Force willed it.
起初，当世界在他周围漆黑时，卡尔认为就是它;异象的结束;但他错了。原力只是让他有片刻的时间来回想自己，呼吸，思考;要明白，如果他愿意，他现在可以后退。他不想。他一直坚持到最后。毕竟，原力是自愿的。

Cal has never been to Dantooine himself, but for Keine, through whose eyes he saw the scenery, it seemed familiar; like home . The high grass, the pale blue flowers and lonely trees — well, this planet seemed nice, it was warm, welcoming; if only… if not for his almost dead Master, whom he left in the shuttle. If not for the message — return to the Jedi Temple, because the Republic needs you — and Keine knew what happened the last time he insisted that they listened to that message; Geonosis happened. He barely survived that mindless violence ; will he survive this time around?
卡尔本人从未去过丹图因，但对基恩来说，他通过他的眼睛看到了风景，这似乎很熟悉;像家一样。高高的草地、淡蓝色的花朵和孤独的树木——嗯，这个星球看起来很美好，它温暖、热情;苟。。。如果不是他几乎死去的主人，他把他留在了穿梭机上。如果不是因为这个信息——回到绝地神殿，因为共和国需要你——而 Keine 知道上次他坚持让他们听那个信息时发生了什么;吉奥诺西斯发生了。他勉强在那种无意识的暴力中幸存下来;这一次他能活下来吗？

Did it matter?
这重要吗？

He could still feel his master in the Force, but other than that there was nothing; Anik was as good as dead. Keine refused to let him go. He hoped that a blaster shot through the neck was fixable — there was nothing bacta couldn’t fix , but they had to get more fuel to get anywhere — buy more fuel. Selling kyber didn’t sound appealing, but it was his only choice; the only thing he was good at. He felt like hell stripping his Master’s jewelry from him, but what other choice he had? It didn’t cost much, on Dantooine. The planet was littered with kyber crystals of all shapes, and what they had were just little shards, not even big enough to make a lightsaber — still, he would try to make it work.
他仍然能感觉到他在原力中的主人，但除此之外什么都没有;阿尼克就像死了一样。凯恩拒绝让他走。他希望射穿脖子的爆能枪是可以修复的——没有什么是 bacta 无法修复的，但他们必须获得更多的燃料才能到达任何地方——购买更多的燃料。卖掉 kyber 听起来并不吸引人，但这是他唯一的选择;这是他唯一擅长的事情。他觉得要把他师父的珠宝从他身上夺走就像地狱一样，但他还有什么其他选择呢？在丹图因并没有花太多钱。这颗星球上到处都是各种形状的凯伯晶体，而它们所拥有的只是小碎片，甚至不足以制作一把光剑——尽管如此，他还是会尝试让它发挥作用。

And he did. Didn’t even have to sell everything; a sob-story and a yellow kyber were enough —
他做到了。甚至不必卖掉所有东西;一个啜泣的故事和一只黄色的凯伯就够了——

And he plotted a course to Coruscant.
他规划了一条通往科鲁斯坎特的路线。

They never made it there; crashed on some kind of planet, because of the cascade system failure —
他们从未到达那里;坠毁在某种星球上，因为 Cascade System 故障——

And the message was changed by the time he cared to take a look;
当他想看一眼时，信息已经改变了;

“This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. I regret to report that both the Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with the dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place. This message is a warning and a reminder to all the surviving Jedi: trust in the Force… ”
“这位是欧比旺·克诺比大师。我很遗憾地报告，绝地武士团和共和国都已经垮台，帝国的黑影正在崛起，取而代之。这条信息是对所有幸存的绝地武士的警告和提醒：相信原力......”

But the Force stayed silent around Keine, as the world spiralled from bad to worse, and there was nothing to trust in. The memories became torn, shredded, all Cal could see were just flashes — nothing more.
但原力在基恩周围保持沉默，因为世界每况愈下，没有什么可信任的。记忆被撕裂、撕碎，卡尔所能看到的只是闪光——仅此而已。

His Master’s eyes — lifeless, almost dead, but not quite.
他主人的眼睛——毫无生气，几乎死去，但还不完全是。

“Let me become one with the Force, I beg you,” through the bond, a whisper.
“求求你，让我与原力合而为一，”透过纽带，低语着。

Keine, fighting off a purge trooper, who found him in the mountains, where he was hiding; tracked them, because the remains of the ship had a Jedi symbol painted on it.
基恩击退了一名清洗队员，后者在山上发现了他，他躲在那里;追踪他们，因为这艘船的残骸上画着绝地武士的标志。

Keine, sitting on the edge of a kliff, rocking back and forth mindlessly, feeling numb and indecisive, the Force around him impossibly silent even when he called for it — and the kyber in his lightsaber no longer sang; it feared its owner just as its owner feared his weapon.
基恩，坐在小火车的边缘，漫不经心地来回摇晃，感到麻木和优柔寡断，即使他呼唤，他周围的原力也难以置信地沉默——而他光剑中的凯伯不再唱歌;它害怕它的主人，就像它的主人害怕他的武器一样。

Keine, selling his Master’s lute, finally, because it was the last thing he had on hand, because it was his only way to get food; to survive. The kyber crystal tied to its neck on a faded silk cord wept, but Keine paid it no mind, although he heard it.
Keine 终于卖掉了他师父的鲁特琴，因为这是他手头上的最后一样东西，因为这是他获得食物的唯一途径;为了生存。用褪色的丝绳系在脖子上的凯伯水晶哭泣着，但凯恩并没有在意它，尽管他听到了。

Cal opened his eyes, feeling dizzy with the vision. There were tear streaks on his cheeks, although the Padawan in the vision didn’t cry; not once. The tears were his own. Cal wiped them and took the lute; looked at it closer. Now that he’s been through the visions it held inside itself, he could touch it with no reservations. It was a well-treated instrument once, but no longer. He wondered, if the sound would be nice, once the silk cord was untied, but decided not to try doing it, not yet.
卡尔睁开眼睛，对这个景象感到头晕目眩。他的脸颊上有泪痕，尽管幻象中的学徒没有哭泣;一次也没有。眼泪是他自己的。卡尔擦了擦它们，拿起了琵琶;仔细看了看。现在他已经经历了它体内的幻象，他可以毫无保留地触摸它。它曾经是一件被很好的工具，但现在已经不是了。他想知道，一旦丝线被解开，声音会不会很好，但决定不尝试这样做，现在还不行。

“What did you see?” Master Kenobi asked him, genuinely curious, but his voice was even softer than usual; he didn’t want to sound too intrusive, Cal could feel it.
“你看到了什么？”克诺比大师问他，真心好奇，但他的声音比平时还要轻柔;他不想听起来太打扰，卡尔能感觉到。